blep bloop zut

well it was quite a day. we are working on some cool things at work. i feel hopeful. 

i feel a lot of things--sometimes my feelings change suddenly like a sudden storm, activated by tiny triggers. mohammad is often amazed at how quickly it can change. welcome to 'emotions', an umbrella short-cut term that we use to explain my lightening descent into tears, could be sad, could be happy, could be a release of intensity, and sometimes the tears are just unexplainable. what am i even talking about. i'm talking about riding the perimenopause bronco buck. i was going to say i don't remember being like this all my life, but then again i do remember crying while vacuuming when i was 11 and having no idea why. gram was over and she invited me to spend some time with her in west van. it was a special time with just me and her. i miss her. i miss both my grammas. "don't tell me it's emotions!" booms mohammad in his most jovial manner. joviality and distraction are some of his best tools. i know what he's doing. i see it all happening. but it works also.

hormones.

i was on a high when i came home from work--an interesting day and not only that the sun was still shining. daylight after work--that alone can trigger joy. i was full of energy. not tired at all. i chatted blithely away to mom about all the things of the day, made yet another pizza... once we start the pizza ball rolling it doesn't stop. we have had pizza every day since monday.

i saw a really good tik tok. so good i saved it in my inspo folder. it was about parenting. basically about really intentionally positively reinforcing and magnifying any tiny little behvior/action in your child so they learn to identify as that and know they can choose that action. so you are defining good behavior and praising for it too... he said it really well. i'm just regurgitating my rudimentary understanding of it. but it reminded me of when i was primary president and how i kept reminding myself to practice this in a classroom management type of way. rather than focus on behaviors i didn't like. and i thought, while i was listening to him, i can practice this more in my sunday school class. i can practice this in my leadership role at work. i should just practice this ALL. THE TIME. it's so good. and thinking of ways to praise people and see them in positive lights--that changes me too. i'm reinforcing a positive view of people in my own view and so becoming a builder, an encourager, a mentor, a cheerleader, a lifter-upper. and i'd much rather be those things than a critic, a nay sayer, a putter-downer. it's just another way of saying try love. love never fails.

in other news ramadan has begun. ramadan kareem to my lover.

in still yet other news bethany texted me this:

8:50pm 

b: there's two raccoons on your deck

l: wut

b: yah

l: (i was on the couch, steps away from the door and the deck) what are they doing

b: they froze when they saw me

l: inside the plastic

b: no on steps

i KNEW raccoons visited my deck. sneaky little sneakums. they better not hurt the lemon tree. good thing i do not let mei-mei out. and no wonder she's wild to get out sometimes.

ps during our workshop today esther was sitting beside me and we kind of both at the same time realized that my pinky and ring finger nails are waaaaaay longer than my other nails. they just don't break as often because they have an easier life than the others. but then i really wanted to trim them and i couldn't. but now i can. and i will.