all in

now i'm the one who declares a snow day--it's considerably less fun. this morning i tried to go for a short trudge down the snowy lanes, but my phone was  continually dinging with the snow anxiety musings on the manager's chat. realizing that dave was not going to take charge of this one, i cut my walk short and cut through the powder blanketed park and back home. dave does a test drive through the streets. that's what i must do. so i did. and the roads were poor, so i called the snow day. but not without a thumbs up from dave. responsibility is a dud sometimes.

mohammad was with two of his friends. he fretted over me going out. "wear a jacket over that." (that was my fleece) "your dad's jacket." "ok, i will. it's downstairs." "be careful. don't slip on the stairs. don't look at the phone... don't touch that." lol. i was brushing the snow off the railing. snow's a big deal to him ok. we often talk while i do my morning walk but this morning mr. safety was on duty. and mr. safety was worried about me slipping and falling so no phone distractions. "and don't go out with your hair wet!" he warned me as one of his last admonitions.

it's ok. i'm in my love era. and i recognize this for what it is. love. i let it buoy me up.  i've had plenty of days when no one cared or noticed how i walked or what i did or how warm i was. this is infinitely better.

i shoveled the walk and drive for the 3rd time. hallas. enough. how do people live in snowy places? our driveway tries one's patience when shoveling. there are countless dips and rises and grass ridges. not a joy to shovel--more like a challenge to shovel. but well i do enjoy a good challenge...so.  thank you for the challenge i guess.

yesterday one of mohammad's friends told him the government offices will not open until april or may. we have been stuck on this one thing since the summer. he feels so FRUSTRATED inside but he doesn't EXPRESS it. but i know he wants to EXPLODE  thinking about it. so i yell and grimace and shake my fist at the sky and shake my body wildly. i do this for him. and he can't help but laugh. and then i pray to God to help us and i remind myself to put my trust in him. and this morning he had the news from another friend that his wife went to that office--it was open and so so so crowded with people trying to get their stuff done. this is great news. hopeful news.

meanwhile i bought him a summery shirt from value village. meanwhile he goes out every evening to talk to me from the park because the internet is bad in his apartment in the evenings. meanwhile he asks me how we will celebrate valentines. he's in. he's in for all of it. he doesn't say every day is love day. he doesn't say valentine's is so commercial. and i love that. because while i don't need fancy presents or elaborate celebrations, i need a lover who's all in on love. and he is.