Tuesday, October 25, 2016


today a miracle: after a year and a half of owning this car, today--today the fm radio suddenly works.  this after the fan breaks and a myriad of other things go wrong.

today when i was driving to the pool, the sky glowed golden to the west as the sun lowered in the sky.  everywhere else it was raining hard and the sky was dark.  this made for beautiful rain and a rainbow.  i felt thankful.

in aqua zumba...another staff joined us--chris.  i'm a mover in the pool.  like i almost squished a kid behind me.  like squished him against the wall because i was backing him up and pinning him to the wall of the pool without knowing it.  sorry kid.

my lower back feels like a stiff board.

Sunday, October 23, 2016


 on thursday afternoon i was in my kitchen making some eats and my apartment started to glow.  that's one thing i like about my place.  the golden hour, when the light is low on the horizon, filling the world with it's magical golden light, visits me in my place and transforms it into a glowing goldy haven.  i turned around and saw the light burning in the trees of the park and a boy playing amongst the fallen leaves with his bike, toting off big branches that had fallen during the previous week's storm.  this is a perfect moment i said to myself.  but cameras aren't as good as eyes.  one does what one can do.

that bottle of moisturizer on the window ledge has been there since i moved.  judy gave it to me once.  i don't think i have ever used it.  maybe it's time to let it go...

our rs is doing a 90 day challenge of reading the book of mormon.  i'm enjoying it.  and so is archie.  as soon as i begin reading, it doesn't matter where i am--he suddenly appears.  and he needs to be as close to on top of the book as possible.  i took this pic yesterday.  it makes me laugh.  he looks like a bunny for some reason.  he has that stubborn look in his eyes.  don't stubborn a stubborn mister.  pffft says archie. i can out stubborn your stubborn any day.  basically yes.

here is archie the stubborn bunny cat in black and white.

 and since you wanted it--you DID want it, remember?  i include a crop.
and you can't have the colour crop without the black n white.  that's just how things work.
 yesterday i spent most of the day editing wedding photos and nursing a pancake...just kidding, nursing a cold which may have just been allergies.  between friday and saturday i watched all the lord of the rings extended versions.  loooooooooong.

sunday morning i slept in and missed ward council.  i awoke at 8am thankfully because of an old alarm that was still set.  i got up and the first thing i saw was the sunrise soaked up in these fiery trees.   so i took a click with my phone and appreciated.  then i had a shower and was late for church.  the kind of late where you get sacrament in the foyer.

 but i did put together a pretty snazzy outfit if that makes a difference.   it had a lot of neato elements and details including striped knee high socks peeping over grey boots--socks that matched my purply sweater, and my silk fronted blouse with big painted flowers and grey knit pencil skirt and rosy red sea shell earrings.  it all came together in a pretty special and fantastic way.

church was good.  talks were good, sunday school on the beatitudes was good, young women's was good.  the girls seemed more themselves and rachel was back and so was olivia.  i missed those two.  after church was a linger longer potluck.  we've been having them since the summer, but i haven't ever gone.  but today before sunday school sister newman and sister rama encouraged me to come even though i didn't make any food.  they said they made enough.  i like the ramas.  i usually sit somewhere near them when i go to sunday school (and that's when i'm not naughtily doing my lesson during that hour)  the ramas are finish but know swedish.  and brother rama sometimes get's confused by some to be dad aka doug clarke sr.  anyways when i walked in and joined them on the back row, brother rama greeted me in swedish and then said, in swedish "my brother died yesterday".  i was not expecting that.  his brother was only 66 and lived in sweden they don't know how he died, which is what brother rama was mostly saying.  he seemed a little in shock.  he said they weren't close since he joined the church.  sad.

anyways i went to the potluck but i didn't want to sit at a table all alone or join some other family so i wandered out the door and found anabella, who i used to visit teach, in the lobby so i sat and talked with her and leilani was there too and later tracy joined us.  single ladies.  we had some good talks.  then we had choir after that because--brother gurney.  this year there is no stake cantata and i'm bummed about that.  and i won't be in our ward for our christmas program--christmas day.  so that's also a bummer.  but we might do some numbers in december, so that will be good.

after church i caught up on my book of mormon--many mosaiah chapters which were so good.  then i dozed a little with this furry purring lump on my chest.
i love this pic.  i love archie's yawn and once again the golden hour was visiting my home and do you think that chair can hold anything more?
 this one makes me laugh too.  archie cleaning his unmentionables and izzy sitting with a dime on a ham.
 had some freshy fresh as an evening snack.
i call these next two pics "through a glass darkly"  "for now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now i know in part; but then shall i know even as also i am known"--1corinthians 13:12

Monday, October 17, 2016

frehsy fresh

today's evan's birthday so in honour of that i'm reposting some of my favourites from the shoot we did in 2012 for his out of obscurity album.  yeah, and i just like them so....awkward pause in which you realize i'm flaunting my flauntables.

on saturday night i went to the opening night of canucks hockey.  they gave us free tickets in a penthouse suite.  it was pretty fun.  i wore my only jeans.  because my others have holes in them.  i got these jeans in the spring/summer this year.  they are sevens and they were not cheap.  i had high hopes for them.  high apple pie, if you will.  they were melissa mccarthy sevens and i believed as a curvy lady melissa reinforced her jeans in the right spots. i think you can see where this is heading.  sunday afternoon i was putting away my clothes and i picked up these jeans--my only jeans--the melissa mccarthy sevens jeans-- and what did i see?  big hole in the butt.  now i'm jeanless.  pffft. *throw up my hands* *kick the dirt*  *bang my head on the wall*  i don't even want to buy new jeans.  it's just throwing money away!  on the other hand i need pants.  this could end up like the toaster. ( i didn't want a toaster unless i have the exact toaster i wanted and i still don't have a toaster.  toaster. TOASTer).  meanwhile i wore my cool hip and sassy new yoga pants to work today but this is not a long term solution. stay tuned.

on saturday i decided to get some exercise and do some errands at the same time because truth be told i enjoy a good stroll in stormy weather.  i do.  so waltzed out in the wind and rain with my backpack.  i walked down the post office and mailed biffanee's paints (proud of myself for that one)  then over to the pet food store and then over to the grocery store.  i stuffed everything into my backpack and before going home i stopped for a little frozen yogurt at the new neighbourhood qoola because obviously yolo froyo.

anyways i was wearing my toe shoes.  no big deal.  and everything was fine.  but then on the way to the game on the skytrain and such my achillies tendon was super sore making it difficile to walk up and especially downstairs.  and i was like seriously, tendon?  it was just a walk.  *eye roll*...  if that's how my tendon is going to be, i'm going to do some aquasizing.  so i looked it up and that's when i saw aqua zumba and i was intrigued.  

(is it just me or is my writing super boring and lame right now)  be quiet.

today i called upstairs to theresa.  she wasn't at her desk so i left a message "hi theresa, i have a super special proposition for you so get back to me.", i said thus passing on the feeling of intrigue (brother morely's favourite word when teaching is "intriguing" and i think he would be pleased right now) to theresa.  when she called me back she basically admitted her feelings of intrigue.  "two words" i said to her, "aqua zumba", really emphasizing and lengthening out  each word so as to accentuate how awesome it would be to go.  it worked.  theresa right away began planning the necessary arrangements, namely a deforestation of her legs.  

the said deforestation as it turned out almost kept her from class because of shoddy razors and thick undergrowth in the leg forests.  i on the other hand kept deforestation to the minimum by chosing my takini with the sagging old skirt.  wise choice?  we shall see.  so i was there before tiny t and i got into the pool about ten minutes before class.  it was my first time to minoru pool and i liked it.  i could see the sun setting from the windows.  i just hung out in the shallow end minding my own business and keeping out of the way of all the lane swimmers who were getting in their last laps.  that's when i saw him.  it can't be him, i thought.  but yes it was.  it was john d. a member from the clubhouse.  and yes he did notice me and yes he did come up to me his white beard all glistening with cholrinated water, his flippers and his goggles at the ready.  

john told me he left the other pool area rather than punch someone in the face and i said that was a good solid decision.  it's the noise that bugs him.  he said he's had words with clive (or was it owen? i don't know) about the noise and asked him repeatedly to do something about it.  want to do something for mental health?  bring peace to pools, said john.  that's a nice bathing suit said john when he should have been gathering his breath.  i love exercise said john.  if i didn't exercise i'd be dead long ago. nod nod nod.  i said.   soon a cute spunky looking east asian canadian (is that a thing?) lady was standing at the edge of the pool and clapping her hands.  i assumed she was the instructor and i said a hasty goodbye to john and drifted closer the lady along with a handful of other ladies and a few men.  sure enough she started dancing and leading us in our zumba experience.  for the most part i could follow along. the good thing about aqua zumba is that it is harder for people to tell if you aren't doing it correctly because most of the movement is underwater.  i dig that.  so we did some warm up dances and it came to me quite early in the whole experience that my choice of bathing suit was not as fantastic as once believed.  namely my skirt kept falling down and floating up at the same time. i constantly had to hold it up.  lesson learned.  after 2 or 3 dances t-bone siddled up to me.  and we did the rest of the class together.  it was quite fun and that's what people like me care about. we care about fun.  we are fun fanatics.  i was never quite out of breath but i'm feeling right now that i got a good abs work out so that's cool.  i impressed our instructor and was basically the star of the class at one point when i was one of the only ones who could do a complete 360 turn in the pool. *beaming cherub cheeks full of sunshine*.  of course there was that other time when i just could not get the foot work right *crimson cheeks of shame*.  but truthfully no on looked like they were doing what spunky pants was doing and as theresa said, "i'm going to do my own interpretation on that".

after class t-train and i mutually assented to time in the hot tub.  which was nice.  but after a while i really needed to pee so we went in and changed and yadda yadda.  i will say this very important tidbit, when i did pee, it smelled like cabbage.  you're welcome.  i've been eating a lot of cabbage lately because i made a fantastic slaw with red cabbage, apple, fennel, onion, ginger, carrot, cilantro, olive oil, rice wine vinegar, apple cider vinegar and lime juice.  it's fantastic and freshy fresh.  i've been eating it with every meal.  

Sunday, October 16, 2016

once upon a time i had a lonely birthday dinner for one in a restaurant high on a hill overlooking the agean sea.  i was the only customer in the restaurant.  there was birthday confetti scattered across my table and a red wild flower in a vase covered in tinfoil and tied with a red bow.  

in another land far away it was a rainy fall weekend.  bethany, ben and amy were my house guests for douglas' wedding and thanksgiving.  during this visit ben found my red sea shell earring that had been lost in the bowels of my old couch for 9 or 10 months.  that's the reason i couldn't get rid of the couch and it stayed in limbo straddling the border of the kitchen and living room and gathering piles of bags and stuff since february.  then ben almost single-handedly dragged my heavy couch out the door and down the stairs to the side of my house.  something i never would have been able to do myself.  

the relief of having the clutter of the old couch gone and the wide spaces opened up again--that alone was so great and i felt so grateful to ben for his service.  but that's not the only service ben performed.  he emptied the kitty litter.  he tidied the huge pile of papers on my table.  he arranged my boxes and bags neatly on the periphery of the room and he or bethany cleaned my stove top and swept the kitchen floor.

it's like my birthday came in october this year.  i feel blessed. 

yesterday i went for a walk in the rain.  i mailed off biffanee's paints that were left behind.  the lady in the post office had a weird reaction to me.  she greeted me so warmly said something like "oh it's you!  you haven't been her for so long!"  i mean that's true...but she made it seem like i was a regular.  i didn't question her on it and just pretended that we were old friends.  then i bought groceries and cat food and stuffed them all in my backpack but before waddling home i stopped at the new qoola and had a little frozen yogurt. by the time i was walking home the rain had stopped.  

there's this house on the way home that has live and thriving glorious orchids PLANTED IN THE GROUND.  i mean how???

i put away my groceries and washed the dishes and had a shower and drove to meet work peeps before traveling downtown together to watch a canucks game.  they have us box seats.  it was pretty fun, even for someone who is meh about hockey.  they scored on themselves.  ha.  that's how it started.  but by the end of the night they tied it up just before then end of the 3rd period. then 3 on 3 overtime and then shoot out.  we won.  so that was cool.  

i even went to bed at a responsible time.  now everyone is going to like me for being such a good girl.  #winkwink  #youlaughbutthatswhatiactuallythinkdeepdowninsideandimjustmakingfunofmyselfforbeingsosilly.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

me + yous = 3rd wheel fun

summer, i in turn love you and endure you.  you are like youth--you give the impression of lasting forever but suddenly you are over.

yesterday was so hot.  i felt like i had heat stroke in my own home.  i was watching the track and field olympic events like high jump and the 4x4 and 4x1 races.  i couldn't stand my clothes.  they were my lightest things but their weight and heat oppressed me.  the couch was a bed of heat.  i ended up stripping down to my nothings and having a cold shower.  then before i dressed again, i ran my clothes under the tap and put them on damp.  this is how i survive.

earlier i texted katie "what fun thing are you doin?" i asked.   that's how i found myself on the road to abbotsford friday night.  google maps took me way south to avoid traffic on the #1.  it's a backroads country route through south surrey, hazelmere, and langley.  i drove the the golden light of the lowering sun with all my windows down and laura loves love cd blasting.  fields glowed.<3 blasting.="" cd="" fields="" glowed.="" nbsp="" p="" the="">
when i hit the highway it was not long before i was exiting again just as the sun was setting and the sky was turning a dusky magenta.  yes, i made a wrong turn.  yes google maps sent me on a long goose chase through the fields rather than just telling me "turn around dummy", and i like a fool followed along until i was like, heyyyyy google maps, you sent me in a huge square!  after that little betrayal by google maps (i thought we were friends!) i quickly found macdonald dark sky reserve.  i pulled in behind brent's jeep, grabbed my sleeping bag and camping chair from the back and crossed the grass to join katie and brent at a picnic table.

i was just in time to join them for a movie.  brent had his laptop on the picnic table and we lined our camping chairs in front of it, our feet up on the picnic table bench.  but first i poisoned us all by very thouroughly dousing myself in bug spray.  i believe in being mosquito free.  i believe the children are our future...then we settled down for a nicholas sparks movie.  i forget what it was called but it was something about choices.  of course, being a nicholas sparks movie it was highly emotional and romantic.  i know what you're doing nicholas.  i can see you manipulating my emotions at the same time i'm helplessly wiping my tears away.  you're good at what you do.  brent was not impressed but that's because men are known to have hearts of ice in these cases.

meanwhile the almost full moon, that silver beauty, rose.  we knew it was coming but we hoped it would be behind the mountains so we would have some light free star gazing time.  but how can you be mad at the moon.  she's so gorgeous and she lights everything with this magic silver glow.  we walked down to a clearing and lay our blankets down and watched the skies.

we saw a few shooting stars.  and we tried to use the star gazing apps but they were weird.  i'm weird too, so it's like magnets who repel each other.  we were near a slough of the river.  and we kept hearing a sound.  brent thought it was a phone because it was almost like a vibrating buzzing.  i thought maybe a frog or a bird.  it came in three buzzing fog horn  like bursts in a row.  by the end of the night i settled on some sort of goose.  but the silver moon for all it's glowing did not reveal the identity of our star gazing neighbour.

we left around midnight i think.  deep sleepy fatigue washed over me as i walked to my car.  a week of sparseness in sleep time caught up to me right in that moment and i had an hourish drive home.  i knew what to do. i opend my windows, i blasted my music and i made myself sing loud and i made it home.  

Monday, June 27, 2016

don't read this. it's boring.

well on friday my magazine came.  i didn't expect it to come and yet it came.  it came without ribbons, it came without tags, it came without packages boxes or bags... (actually it was in a package, so.)  i was excited.  then jordan did me wrong.

friday night i drove out to chilliwack.  katie and i made coconut buttermilk syrup for our breakfast group.  we are not advertising the coconut aspect however, because it does not start with a b, and we are b group.  just know it's coconut buttermilk syrup and it's divine.  if we are telling the truth here, i did not actually really make the syrup.  i provided the recipe.  and i provided support.  but really katie was cleaning her oven and it was way too hot for me to stand near the oven.  i have my limits.  we sent natalie to bed and stole her movie.  austenland.  and then michealah came home from work bearing delicious tubs of frozen yogurt.  i had ordered coconut and passionfruit with scor bits, coconut and mango juice balls.  it was perfect.  at one point michealah got up suddenly from the couch, walked briskly into the kitchen straight to the window into the dining room and dove through it with a serving spoon to reach her orange cup on the table, which she could have taken as she walked by it.  kids are weird.  she got gussied up into her prom dress.  she's going to look gorge as usual.

next morning i was barely awake when i received a visit from malachi and queen e.  natalie showed up too.  we fooled around with some snap chat crazies and then went upstairs for pancakes.  i touched them all to find hot ones that would melt butter and michealah told on me.  malachi liked what i did and took it a step further, squishing them all.

i put my hair up into a ponybun and took natalie and queen e with me to katie's new house.  when we arrived brent was there with a bunch of roofers and floor pullers.  brent's philosphy of painting a house is just start painting.  and that's what happened.  i tried to cut in first as much as possible, but it was a losing battle.  often i was cutting in on already painted walls.  i was able to tape off most of the kitchen with noodlie's help.  but she abandoned me once i pulled out the stove and we saw the horror that lay beyond it.

burt was another cutter in guy.  burt was the painting coach to all the painters.  eventually doug, douglas and josh showed up and morgan and avery and brinna.  and we painted our hearts out.  one time a worker walked through the kitchen and asked me if he could show me how to properly use my brush.  so i allowed him.  but i didn't really get it.  but i pretended i did.  that's how i handled that situation.

we got there at 9am and we went strong until 2pm when suddenly we were starving.  niki showed up with some delicious sandwiches, chips, and veggies and dip.  it really hit the spot.  then i had to take my paint splattered body home to get ready for stake conference. i thought i could get ready there.  hahaha.  i didn't factor in the need for a shower.  oh but first i made douglas and josh and doug read my magazine.

speaking of my magazine, there a few captions.  they aren't long.  people tend to want to look at only pictures.  take the time to read man.  words count.

i was so tired when i got home that i could barely force myself to get ready.  my eyes just wanted to close.  but i did because i was in the choir and the choir was small. and because i was giving rachel a ride.  these are things that make me do things.

but stake conference was good.  of course it was.  and it was good to sing in the choir.  of course it was.  after dropping rachel off, i bought myself some mcdonald's with a milk shake.

today was conference again.  and jordan was recruited to join the choir last minute.  jordan.  the one who did me wrong.  rachel spent the time making pinwheels out of post its.  whatever it takes.

i didn't have time to do laundry on saturday.  now i'm in big underwear trouble.

today one of the talks was on the sabbath day and how to make it special .  it specifically was about making it special outside of church.  and it specifically mentioned not just sleeping.  and i came home and had a looong nap.  4 hours.  others don't have my problems.  my over-napping disabilities.  others don't understand how i'm always teetering on the edge of dysania.

katie cruelly mentioned to me on the phone she was eating hagen daaz chocolate peanut butter ice cream.  like what am i supposed to do with that??  on a sunday??? could she be more heartless?  doubt it.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

a few things of note before i sleep:

1. i found a recipe for shepherd's pie that i like. this is significant.

2. a fluff of molten mashed potato blistered my uvula today. why does burning hot food just sit there at the entrance to the esophagus.  if you're not going down, by all that is right and good COME BACK.

3. i made my own bao today and i kinda rocked it.

4. I've had about a week or so reprieve from vertigo but it appears to be back to say a final farewell perhaps. nudge nudge.

5. a fully rotten almost liquified potato has the power to induce my gag relfex like nothing else does. tuck that tasty bit of info away for later.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016


 so the day came.  i did my dishes.  i emptied the food compost bin.  and i think the flies are on their way out.  good news for everyone.  today i started work late because i was doing the social.  my social was a photo walk in richmond nature park...so it wasn't too much work for me so much as an enjoyable evening.

i am in love....with roasted tomato and goat cheese tart.  i can eat it forever.  it's a perfect dish.  each bite is sublime and it is so simple.  i made it for dinner with honey garlic chicken wings and a yummy spinach and arugula salad with veggies and roasted almonds and craisins with a red wine vinegar, honey, garlic dressing that we whipped up.  perfect dinner.  everyone loved it so much and that makes me happy.  i love to make really good food for the members.  it's just a way i love them i guess.  i was thinking about it after talking to one of the member who was just so happy after the meal, and it reminded me of when i was in egypt preparing food for bashir. it was just simple food but i remember how happily he ate it and how that made me happy.  he told me later "i know you put so much love into it.  i can see it while you are making it."  i hadn't thought of it before.  it's a simple thing.  but feeding people is a way to love them.  i get you, italian mothers.  i get you right here.

speaking of love, i love my friend mei lin.  i texted her the other day just wondering where i can buy bao (the taiwanese steamed buns).  and she just went out and bought me some and brought them to my house.  she amazes me.  she's been given such a challenge and she meets it with such faith and courage and positivity, and it seems to me that in the face of her challenge she has become strong.

it's raining again.  i hope my tomatoes will not get too drrrrrenched (mrs harris).  i love the sound of it.  the sound of rain is such a beautiful sound.  admit it.

anyways here's an unedited old pic of owen that i didn't know i had.