a summer of growth

sometimes you disappear from your blog for a while and in that time you get promoted, get married, and get a kitten. mom says i shouldn't give up on my blog and maybe she's right, if just for future laura. so here we are. i'm not going to do much catch-up. i'm just going to start in the messy middle. the messy middle is where i live.

husband is mohammad (jozi - my husband). kitten is beirut (cutie beirutie, cutie brutie beirutie, cutie tutie fruity etc) promotion is program director.

today the little terror cuddled me around my neck like an angel baby, threw up, and felled my giant monstera deliciousa minutes after i tied up her sagging leaves which were at the mercy of his wilding whims, squeaked ferociously, and followed my hand for more and more and more pets.

in the early morning my lover and i went over the questionnaires our lawyer gave us to fill out. this was supposed to be the easy part. but nothing is easy for us, except falling in love. one of the biggest problems we face is addresses. we need addresses. all his past addresses. all his siblings addresses (he has 11 sibs like me), his parent's addresses, his children's addresses...so many addresses. and apparently addresses are not 'regular' in syria in some places. the kind of addresses he gives me are "this city, on this road, beside this school." i don't know how to solve this. i guess i must ask the lawyer about it.

we fluctuate between hope for our future and fear of the obstacles before us.

i spend my early morning walks drawn out in prayer--pleading...for everything. to lift the darkness of fear from my heart and mind. to give me courage to act. to increase my faith--where i am weak to be made strong. to show me how to best love my husband. to increase my capacity. to magnify my gifts. to open the way for us. to keep my husband safe. to watch over him and comfort him in all his hardships. to help him to find a good place to live, enough food, work. to send people to help him. to give him health and strength and peace. to help him feel divine love and my love. to protect him from harm. to be with us and bless us. to open the way for us. to give us the miracles we need. i pray and i pray and i pray. and i remind myself of the deliverance God sent us. our 3 miracles in meeting, in marrying and in staying for our honeymoon and i say to myself. God would not help us like that to only let us stay apart after. and if God is with us, who can be against us? and i hope on, faith on and go on. 

this is the daily refining of my soul. i do my best to submit to all things and do all things in my power and rely on my God for the rest.

one thing that does not change--my feet burn like infernos in the summer.