capitulation

some good moments at church today. little moments that made the day feel good. (how do you know how a day feels? fine. i felt good. it was me).

1. singing with the choir. i forgot we were performing so i didn't show up early to practice/warm up. some time during the opening or sacrament prayer i saw president roeder on the stand, and thought idly "oh president roeder is here this sunday." then i was like, "ya, he's playing for us in the choir." then i was like "we are singing today!"  instantly i started clearing my phlegmy throat, scanning the room, no melissa. so it would just be krystal and i and we were singing different alto parts during this one line and no melissa to give me confidence! but when it was time and we went up on the stand and i was standing beside krystal she whispered "thank you for being here today" and i whispered back "i'm scared." and she said "me too." and i chuckled to myself and looked out at the congregation.  that moment.  it was good.

2. chatting with the couch ladies. after choir i came down the hall from the primary room to find the usual suspects on the couch. leilani on one end and ana on the other.  i sat between them. we chatted about relief society and other things. i teased ana about how she always nudges me. she told me that's a way filipinos  show affection because they don't hug as much but they touch each other while they are talking. and they show their love not by words as much as by their actions. jane said something and was walking away but then i called to her that her lesson was really good and she came back over and joined our chatting. derek sat down near us and joined in too and then evelyn came and gave us all chocolates and told us about her hand issues and we chatted in and out of each other's conversations. the couch moment. comfort and belonging with friends. it was good.

3. after relief society christine who had spent most of the class chatting with caroline on messenger (she's on her mission) showed krystal and i one of the messages about a struggle caroline is having with her companion. we talked all about it and how it feels on a mission and what things could be done and how we could support her etc. the sharing--it was good.

4. during the service i said to myself, self, let's do a tik tok fast for a month.  until after christmas. it was a moment of personal inspiration. and it was good.

i have a sunday project. i've been working on it for the last month or so. on sundays i sit and type out entries from our family journal. there is so much that i would like to do when it comes to our family history. and if i don't do it now when will i do it? so i do it and it is so enjoyable. it has improved my sunday afternoons so much. i love the journies back in time.  i love the perspectives of whoever was the scribe in any given entry. i love the details and the stories. i can't wait to share it. 

my 2nd pre-new year's resolution is to blog daily. even if it's just a sentence. a phrase. a word. i've been getting the message. i've been hearing it whispering to me, nudging me, poking me. get back to it. journal, blog, record your thoughts and your life. i don't know why, but i have this drive. i capitulate.