cox bay--leg 3

after finding our place neither of us knew what to do.  "let's go to a beach for a while," i suggested. "ok, which one?" asked heather.  stumped again.  i don't know why we were both so indecisive.  i mean any beach would make us happy and i think that was part of our problem. finally i said "let's go to cox." heather agreed and unknowingly i had sealed my fate.

we missed the turn off.  "the signs here are weird." said heather and then she took a sudden right hand turn so sudden that she didn't slow down as much as she usually would.  kind of like we were in a car chase, burning around a corner on two wheels.  haha.  we also didn't see where we had turned into, but realized when we started traveling up that we should turn around.  it turned out to be radar hill i think.  we caught the turn off to cox coming back.  it led us to some parking and a trail.  heather let me off at the trail head and i limped over to a rock just off the trail to sit in the trees and wait for heather like a creep.  meanwhile heather parked sahib and paid for parking.  she got to me and we started walking.  the trail was wide and flat, not long at all for normal walkers.  maybe 10  5 minutes, i don't know.  all i know is that for me it seemed to go on forever.  heather, who is so patient about such things, went back for the wooden stool.  i would go as far as i could, maybe push myself a little longer and then have a rest on the stool.  i keenly felt how i must look to all the able bodied people striding so confidently and easily along the path.  i really long for the day that i can walk confidently and with ease.  but this is where i am at now and i've come a long way in what i can do.  patience, faith and trust--my opportunity to grow.  heather entertained me and encouraged me by finding slugs.  haha.  i love slugs. i love taking their portraits.  they are so cute and they look like they should be an animation.  the first one she found was hanging in a tree actively eating leaves.  the second one was when she went ahead to see how much farther we had to go.  she came back with a tail of a long slug crossing the path by the puddles.   that became my next goal.  make it to the slug.  the slug was traveling so fast, for a slug, and i had a hard time taking his photo.  because usually i would lay on my stomach on the ground and focus on him from a ground level perspective.  and that's not in my wheelhouse of abilities right now.  so i was trying to blind focus on him, meaning putting my camera down without my face behind it.  but i kept missing the focus.  frustrating.  but heather took a good one with her phone and i changed lenses and was able to get a wider angle shot and was satisfied.

i get a weird joy from slugs.  heather gets excited about toilets. and we were both gratified.  not far from the slug and puddles was what looked like an outhouse but was actually a flushing toilet with soap and paper towel.  heather shared her joy with a passing couple.  i'm not sure if they were as excited as her but they were friendly and polite about it.

not long after the bathroom was the entrance to the beach.  the last hurdle.  because it was a decline with rocks embedded in the sand. foot and i freaked out a little.  it was dramatic.  we used heather like a walking stick, holding on to her shoulders like a blind person, taking tiny jerky steps, making wild noises, gasps and wails.  you would look at this little decline and shrug but it was a big deal for foot and i.  at the bottom we bee-lined it to the closest log off to the right and that's where i stayed.  put foot up on the log sometimes and other times on the stool.  we watched surfers and enjoyed just being on the beach.  we got a kick out of watching a surfing class and making up what we thought he was saying. i sent heather off to go up to the water and take some pictures.  i took some pictures of her as a tiny speck at the water's edge.  while she was out there she got a call from her brother.  she missed a lot of birthday calls and texts while we were in the dead zone, waiting on the road.

when we headed back we had to conquer the 'hill' again.  this time i was clutching at and manhandling heather in alarming ways.  i so wanted to dig my nails into her.  like it would release this deep pent up angst from walking in the sand and up the sandy incline. also my hand kept creeping towards her neck which was a little frightening for her. i also would clutch at her hood...i was a drama and a half.  heather laughed and encouraged and was a good sport/support about everything. part way up i think, i figured out that taking sideways steps up was easier.  it's the whole dorsiflexion thing that is hard for foot.  or did we try that from the start? i don't know. but after much spectacle we got to the top.  the whole time i had meta thoughts about what we must look like to people who have no idea what's like to climb a small sandy mound with a post surgery foot. but you shrug it off because what else can you do? if i had a boot or a crutch people would know.  but also it's not hidden.  like heather said, my walk kind of gives it away.  

i just want to walk normally.  so badly.   where i am is still far from that and along with feeling good about my little accomplishments i battle impatience about the distance still to go.  that's just a part of it all and i acknowledge that both things are part of the overall experience.  but also i just felt so grateful to be there in any capacity.  it's definitely more than i could take part in in june, july or august when i used to just dream about such things and feel joy from the breeze on my face on those rare times i left the house.  so perspective helps.  i also get perspective from looking back on where i was just a week ago.  progress is actually happening quite quickly even if i'm still in the thick of it.

ANYWAYS, the walk back was long.  my legs were shaking with the effort and by the time we made it back they felt like dead blocks of wood and foot...foot was in a mood.  we needed to eat.  it was heather's birthday remember.  we hadn't been able to make any reservations at the restaurants that we were interested in.  so we decided to grab some tacos from tacofino which wasn't too far from where we were staying.  it closed at 6 and we got there 7ish.  heather was tired and said she just wanted to eat our pepperoni and cheese and grapes...have a picnic on the bed.  so that's what we did.

we went to our air bnb and after some minor difficulty with the key pad, we got inside.  it was very cute.  one room with windows facing the side of the house which was all that lush tofino undergrowth.  the 'porch' was kind of just a ledge with some chairs on it, but that's ok.  the floor was cement with some cute rugs.  the bed was queen size and quite firm.  we separated the sheet from the duvet.  i found the duvet too heavy and it was just right for heather who also used the wool blanket.  i was happy with the sheet.  the ceiling was vaulted which made the room feel spacious.  there were some wicker chairs, and a little table, a side board and a tiny fridge.  the bathroom had a very vaulted ceiling and the shower was white tiled and very spacious.  

i think it was almost ten when we were going to sleep.  haha.  we were wiped.  this was leg 3.