crutch

75% weight bearing isn't easy.  i don't know if i'm doing it right.  i'm sure jasub-a-dude will tell me tomorrow but i don't want to be behind.  i want to be on-schedule-all-systems-go.  the thing is 75% is with one crutch and it's hard to give up the security of the two crutch system.  i'm using the physical crutch as a psychological crutch if you will. so far i have managed to do it but while holding the other crutch in front of me kind of for balance.  one thing i have started to master is stepping through with my good foot not just one stepping it.  i don't know if you know what i'm talking about.  a crutcher would get it.

adriel broke his ankle and had to have an operation. the night before his operation i told him in detail everything that would happen and how it would go.  i told him to get a popsicle on his way home.  he told me they gave him a popsicle at the hospital!!  i instantly felt like st. paul's hospital had done me wrong.  if victoria general can give popsicles, then so can st. paul's!  i check in with him on and off about what stage he is in.  he just got his cast off.  we talk about longing for the freedom of just walking.  even though i know i will be 100% weight bearing next week, it doesn't feel like it now.  also i know that although i can walk it won't be easy to walk and i won't be able to walk far.  still.  next week.  it's coming.

it is hard to have faith that the stage i'm in won't last forever.  to believe that each stage will pass until i'm strong and able again.  like while i am in a stage  that stage feels permanent.  that's when it's tempting to feel discouraged or fearful.  sometimes i do.  but i've already been in so many stages and come out the other end.  so i will come out the other end of this stage too.  and i'll recover quickly.  and it will be like this never happened.  except for some neat scars.  which, if we are honest, we all know i will wear those scars with pride.

for the past couple of weeks i've been living on salads.  that's what i want right now.  heather finds the most interesting flavours of bag salads with a cabbage base.  lettuce bases go bad too fast.  i ordered groceries and they came on sunday.  they arrived in the middle of a talk on keeping the sabbath day holy. this is obviously not my best decision. so that was my last sunday delivery.  i took the watermelon gamble and lost.  i've never gotten a good watermelon by delivery.  but at least this one was partially usable.  i chopped it in giant, raw and uncouth chunks and slabs, added some lime juice and zest and a little feta.  then i made a juicy mediterranean chopped salad.  i've been eating that for lunch with pizza bun grilled cheese and the bag salads for dinner.  this morning i made sourdough toast with blueberry pepper jelly. yum.  i ate it with some watermelon.

last night i watched an english version of pollyanna.  pollyanna has red hair in it.  i cried.  then i watched miss austen regrets.

today i had another successful shower.  the only thing is i tape the garbage bag around my leg and it isn't salvageable after.  the tape rips the bag.  there must be some way around this.  also water always gets in my left ear.  tell it to stop.  my banana conditioner is supposed to be kept in the fridge and i realized that i left it out since saturday.  what have i done??

i'm a little nervous about physio tomorrow.  i want jasub to be proud of my progress.  lol. i don't know if i should take scoot or not. can i crutch up and down the ramp without exhaustion? i dunno. i kind of want to be all, "look what i can do now!" but also kind of don't want to slither to the ground in a pool of sweat and quivering muscles.  yumi is taking me this time because ev does food deliveries on wednesdays.  the last time yumi took me somewhere was the week after my surgery when i fell the night before and we had to go to st. paul\s for xrays and then to footbridge.  maybe i can impress her.  haha,

karim told me that he's going to help me get my withered leg back to it's former glory.  he said we can do stairs together and when my foot is healed i'll have to put an ankle weight on it.  i'm all in.  let's conquer stairs!  let's conquer the world ok.  just as soon as i can let go of my figurative and literal crutch.