bright days

i woke up today with a feeling of hope.  a new day kind of feeling.  a fresh new day with no mistakes in it as anne shirley would say. these kinds of days are contrasted with sludgy, grey fog of blah, weighed down with my inadequacies, fears, and frustrations kind of other days that also happen.  so a bright day of hope is a gift.  i'll take it.  

last night i decided to have a social media fast for my week off. tno hours of scrolling.  the one exception is that i may post something, like if i do something creative or capture a beautiful moment.  i may create but may not consume.  and maybe that was the start of the bright day.  i don't know.  

i do know that instead of scroll lounging in bed as per normal, instead lolled about and ordered some cute masks and 2 half off tank tops from old navy.  they are supposed to arrive on the 26th.  can't wait.  i've been ready for some cute masks for over a month.  let cute masking begin!

continuing in the vein of unusual activity i had a morning shower.  as i was sudsing the pudge rolls, massaging the itchy scalm and detangling the curl jungle i was listening to conference talks from the women's session.  the talks came in and out of focus as i did my body oblations but, out of the shower and in my room reaching for my lounge pants i heard president nelson say "life without God is a life filled with fear. life with God is a life filled with peace." that's kind of idea is something i've been thinking about lately and while i tugged on the shorts and shimmied into my purple lounge tshirt i said to myself, "let's study that this morning."

it was the lovliest fall morning out on my deck.  the wind was a little wild, and the sun filtered through fuchsia and slightly blinded me in a most delightful way.  lil green backed hummingbird winged by for a short drink.  the sky was bright blue and the trees in the park are starting to flare up with bursts of red and orange.  there's already bright yellow scattered on the green carpet of grass.  in the distance, the music of kids playing. 

i studied in alma 3 first.  then i turned to president nelson's talk.  i just read it and marked passages that stood out to me and wrote down ideas that came to me.  and what came to me was more hope.  it's such a positive message.  it's a practical, faith-full message.  i don't really know how to explain how i felt except i felt joyful and hopeful and i was like yeah, i don't need to worry.  i can go forward with happiness and hope.  

some of my take aways-- i'm going to take up my cross and continue working on my home to make it a place of refuge.  i get overwhelmed with this one because there is so much to do but i'm just going to keep going and eventually i'll see progress.  so how does a rebel like me, who rebels against her own expectations and hates doing chores manage this?  well first of all a rebel can do anything she WANTS  to do.  second of all i don't weight myself down with schedules and times and other such fetters.  ger off!  my goal is this do some home improvement every day.  what it is, and how long it is, is up to me  and my whims of fancy at the moment.  i've already done my 25 minutes today.  i chose to do dishes and i managed to get the whole counter cleaned off and wiped down.  that is an accomplishment that i haven't managed for a month or so.  looking at my clear clean counter feels so good.  why is that?  i don't know.

i have other spiritual goals.  but they're none of your business.  nosy.  heh.  well mostly they are to continue daily scripture study, and add on to it joining katie's family for come follow me on sundays that i can.  also refocus on keeping the sabbath day holy and doing a sincere and prepared fast.  you know, just the basics.  the basics are the most powerful.

ps. last night i went out for a haagen daaz, chonk cup run to the circle k which used to be macs, and as i was backing out of the drive way i saw the gentle flicker of blue and red.  there were two cop cars in the road.  i went the long way to circle k so as not to be in their way.  when i got to circle k it was locked and there was a sign that taped on the door that said "back in 5 min" so i waited in my car doing some chatting to pass the time.  when the guy got back i let the other people waiting do their thing first and then i got my purchases.  i was clad in red stripy pj bottoms, tight canada shirt, no bra, but swathed in heavy musturdy sweater.  circle k guy doesn't judge ok.  i went back home the regular way thinking the pohpoh must be gone by then.  but they weren't.  i passed two at the entrance road to my neighbourhood, 3 more in the intersection to my road, passed a guy with a vest and a big gun, saw 3 more cars past them, one was doing a uturn, then across from my house blocking the road to the hutchinson's was 2 more cars.  i texted norm that something was going down on his street.  i wonder what it was.