small victories
not every day is a good day. not every day is a bad day. some days are recovery days. some days are other kinds of days. mixed bags--like edith from downton abbey.
today i stayed in bed all day. my laptop propped up on my chest, and my gnarly nest-nasty hair sticking out in wild unnatural angles. i wondered if my body will forget what it's like to stand and walk for any length of time. last week i had to renew my license, condemning myself to another ten years of a hideous picture, lying yes my weight was just about the same... i don't remember ever changing my weight on my license. that's private k. anyways i parked on the complete opposite side of the mall. i parked in front of the icbc insurance office but the license office was by toys r us apparently. a brisque walk through landsdowne mall was in order. when i arrived in the right location i was met in front of the office with a be-gloved, be-masked man who gave me a wipe and told me to wipe down my two pieces of id, which i did. he didn't seem to mind the haphazard way in which i did so. eventually i made it to a slavic sounding guy who led me through the process and took my likeness, taking care to show me the hideous result. fraggle rock monster. i can never escape it. then i headed out the door and decided to walk around the outside of the mall. we are nearing the point. hang in there. i passed people lined up outside to get into t&t market. there was a guy standing behind a podium taking their temperatures with a no touch forehead thermometer. apparently tanya is getting us some for when we re-open. she will be dismayed to find that dr. teresa tam says that this isn't a very effective way for catching infected people. all i care about is using the thermometer. it's going to be fun. anyways, the point is this--while i was walking around the outside of the mall i felt weird. like my body felt weird. it was all what is this strange sensation--walking, i told it. it's not like i can't go for walks. it's that i don't. i stay inside or on the porch and i go from bed to couch to kitchen chair to porch wicker chair. and sometimes i do the dishes or cook or wipe the counter or shower or sweep. but these are not endurance activities.
i had a dream about lisa last night. i was leaving after working with her for so long and i realized that i forgot to say good bye.
on friday i had the day off. in the evening i drove out to chilliwack. on the way there i stopped for gas in abbotsford and finally filled up my car for the first time since march. it only cost 63 dollars. as i was driving up the exit ramp there was a guy with a sign that said he needed food and clothes etc. i got him a burger and some fries and chicken strips from a&w but when i drove past that spot again he was gone. i had his burger for breakfast the next day. anyways in chilliwack i did a physical distancing photoshoot of malachi, queen e. and natalie. katie found this cherry tree grove and it was very beautiful. there were a few dark fuchsia flowered trees that were like the cherry trees in shape of flower. we wondered what they were. before the shoot me, katie martha and natalie had greek food. i got to pick. i chose a kalamri dinner. they all sat at one picnic table and i sat by myself at my isolation table. it was a bit funny and weird.
it was fun to do a shoot. i haven't been doing much photography this year. on the way home i decided to stop at what has become a circle k to see if they still had screamers. they did indeed. when i got to the slurpee wall there were no cups. the sign said they are doing things differently. so i asked the guy behind the plexiglass. he came and asked me if i wanted medium or large. i said "what about small?" he said in this inexpiable lame way of young guys, yes the way of a doob, "we aren't really fully opening it so we aren't doing small sizes." i kind of snorted a laugh and said "that makes absolutely no sense." he shrugged as a doob is want to do. because there is no reasonable explanation. i was like "ok, whatever i'll take a medium, and i want to put some ice cream in it," i said pointing to the soft serve machine. "oh no! we are not doing ice cream" said doob man. i kind of laughed and said "forget it then." and bought a white chocolate raspberry haagen daaz and a big reses cup and i know i would have sarah's blessings in both these choices.
i did a good deed by removing an empty box from the middle of an intersection. again it felt weird when i was walking down the road to where i had pulled over. "what is this weird thing you are doing with me?" asked my body. "it's walking you dummy!" "well it's weird." "you are weird!" we are all weird but mostly me.
the accomplishments i take the most pride in today are 1. making my own oprah meme for our virtual pathways clubhouse facebook page. you know when she's yelling "you get a car! and you get a car!" i found a gif of that and put the words "you get a tool kit and you get a tool kit!!". i did this to advertize the mental health tool kit that we have for the taking. it's mental health week. we are not kidding around. 2. i washed my hair. i may have had to use a pick in the shower to get out the knots and i may have cried a little and i may have lost a handful of hair, but i did it and i'm proud. it's the small victories.
today i stayed in bed all day. my laptop propped up on my chest, and my gnarly nest-nasty hair sticking out in wild unnatural angles. i wondered if my body will forget what it's like to stand and walk for any length of time. last week i had to renew my license, condemning myself to another ten years of a hideous picture, lying yes my weight was just about the same... i don't remember ever changing my weight on my license. that's private k. anyways i parked on the complete opposite side of the mall. i parked in front of the icbc insurance office but the license office was by toys r us apparently. a brisque walk through landsdowne mall was in order. when i arrived in the right location i was met in front of the office with a be-gloved, be-masked man who gave me a wipe and told me to wipe down my two pieces of id, which i did. he didn't seem to mind the haphazard way in which i did so. eventually i made it to a slavic sounding guy who led me through the process and took my likeness, taking care to show me the hideous result. fraggle rock monster. i can never escape it. then i headed out the door and decided to walk around the outside of the mall. we are nearing the point. hang in there. i passed people lined up outside to get into t&t market. there was a guy standing behind a podium taking their temperatures with a no touch forehead thermometer. apparently tanya is getting us some for when we re-open. she will be dismayed to find that dr. teresa tam says that this isn't a very effective way for catching infected people. all i care about is using the thermometer. it's going to be fun. anyways, the point is this--while i was walking around the outside of the mall i felt weird. like my body felt weird. it was all what is this strange sensation--walking, i told it. it's not like i can't go for walks. it's that i don't. i stay inside or on the porch and i go from bed to couch to kitchen chair to porch wicker chair. and sometimes i do the dishes or cook or wipe the counter or shower or sweep. but these are not endurance activities.
i had a dream about lisa last night. i was leaving after working with her for so long and i realized that i forgot to say good bye.
on friday i had the day off. in the evening i drove out to chilliwack. on the way there i stopped for gas in abbotsford and finally filled up my car for the first time since march. it only cost 63 dollars. as i was driving up the exit ramp there was a guy with a sign that said he needed food and clothes etc. i got him a burger and some fries and chicken strips from a&w but when i drove past that spot again he was gone. i had his burger for breakfast the next day. anyways in chilliwack i did a physical distancing photoshoot of malachi, queen e. and natalie. katie found this cherry tree grove and it was very beautiful. there were a few dark fuchsia flowered trees that were like the cherry trees in shape of flower. we wondered what they were. before the shoot me, katie martha and natalie had greek food. i got to pick. i chose a kalamri dinner. they all sat at one picnic table and i sat by myself at my isolation table. it was a bit funny and weird.
it was fun to do a shoot. i haven't been doing much photography this year. on the way home i decided to stop at what has become a circle k to see if they still had screamers. they did indeed. when i got to the slurpee wall there were no cups. the sign said they are doing things differently. so i asked the guy behind the plexiglass. he came and asked me if i wanted medium or large. i said "what about small?" he said in this inexpiable lame way of young guys, yes the way of a doob, "we aren't really fully opening it so we aren't doing small sizes." i kind of snorted a laugh and said "that makes absolutely no sense." he shrugged as a doob is want to do. because there is no reasonable explanation. i was like "ok, whatever i'll take a medium, and i want to put some ice cream in it," i said pointing to the soft serve machine. "oh no! we are not doing ice cream" said doob man. i kind of laughed and said "forget it then." and bought a white chocolate raspberry haagen daaz and a big reses cup and i know i would have sarah's blessings in both these choices.
i did a good deed by removing an empty box from the middle of an intersection. again it felt weird when i was walking down the road to where i had pulled over. "what is this weird thing you are doing with me?" asked my body. "it's walking you dummy!" "well it's weird." "you are weird!" we are all weird but mostly me.
the accomplishments i take the most pride in today are 1. making my own oprah meme for our virtual pathways clubhouse facebook page. you know when she's yelling "you get a car! and you get a car!" i found a gif of that and put the words "you get a tool kit and you get a tool kit!!". i did this to advertize the mental health tool kit that we have for the taking. it's mental health week. we are not kidding around. 2. i washed my hair. i may have had to use a pick in the shower to get out the knots and i may have cried a little and i may have lost a handful of hair, but i did it and i'm proud. it's the small victories.
these are my birthday tulips. i think they are the most gorgeous and glorious tulips i have seen in my life.
once i looked pretty despite a zit on my nose.
today's lunch.
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