life lessons
yesterday we had our annual leadership training at the stake center. i always go to those with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. i don't mean to. i just have an idea that all the other young womens groups are doing better than me. with a strong emphasis on the idea that i don't measure up. with all that i don't do well or don't do at all on my mind that i 'should' be doing--all that weighing me down and giving me the inward scowls and pricklies. but i'm giving it a go and outwardly i'm pleasant.
so that was happening. as we met as a group i felt both inspired and discouraged at the same time. inspired when people shared their struggles and ideas and discouraged when someone said the youth are supposed to come to the bishop with an agenda and invite him to youth ward council. ???really?? i think it was at that point that i started thinking about when i'll be released and how bad i am at this stuff and how after 5 years i still had the feeling of being over my head.
after i talked with jenny a little about our class presidency issues and about calling a younger girl to be the president. she made me feel good about that.
then on the way home we were talking a lot about a lot of things and i don't know how it came up but i told my 2 coucellors, yumi and silvia how i often thought someone else could do a better job. silvia said "you think that?" in what i read as a semin-incredulous voice. i said "yeah i do." and i felt a slight lump rise in my throat. yumi and silvia took turns to tell me all the things they saw as my strengths. and what i felt from them was kindness and support. it's easy to forget your strengths in the face of your insecurities and weaknesses. to remind me in that moment when i was having a blindness was kind. and as to the rest i realized that the most important thing i could do was love the girls and all the rest i could just have faith and do my best. just the one hundred and fifty five thousand billionth time i've had that lesson. that number is so legit by the way.
silvia said we should have lunch together so we went to the mall food court. i got a sandwich at chachi's because they make good sandwiches. some people don't like sandwiches. i don't get those people. yumi got sushi and silvia got a bento box. we sat and talked more and silvia shared about some experiences their family has had and the worry of how that might effect them. i said because she went through something hard she has a strength to share with her children when they go through something hard because she knows what it's like and she has come through it. she teared up and i teared up and then we cleared our trays and we went out to the car.
so that was happening. as we met as a group i felt both inspired and discouraged at the same time. inspired when people shared their struggles and ideas and discouraged when someone said the youth are supposed to come to the bishop with an agenda and invite him to youth ward council. ???really?? i think it was at that point that i started thinking about when i'll be released and how bad i am at this stuff and how after 5 years i still had the feeling of being over my head.
after i talked with jenny a little about our class presidency issues and about calling a younger girl to be the president. she made me feel good about that.
then on the way home we were talking a lot about a lot of things and i don't know how it came up but i told my 2 coucellors, yumi and silvia how i often thought someone else could do a better job. silvia said "you think that?" in what i read as a semin-incredulous voice. i said "yeah i do." and i felt a slight lump rise in my throat. yumi and silvia took turns to tell me all the things they saw as my strengths. and what i felt from them was kindness and support. it's easy to forget your strengths in the face of your insecurities and weaknesses. to remind me in that moment when i was having a blindness was kind. and as to the rest i realized that the most important thing i could do was love the girls and all the rest i could just have faith and do my best. just the one hundred and fifty five thousand billionth time i've had that lesson. that number is so legit by the way.
silvia said we should have lunch together so we went to the mall food court. i got a sandwich at chachi's because they make good sandwiches. some people don't like sandwiches. i don't get those people. yumi got sushi and silvia got a bento box. we sat and talked more and silvia shared about some experiences their family has had and the worry of how that might effect them. i said because she went through something hard she has a strength to share with her children when they go through something hard because she knows what it's like and she has come through it. she teared up and i teared up and then we cleared our trays and we went out to the car.
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