"things could be stranger but i don't know how. i'm going through changes now"--Langhorne Slim

ch-ch-changes... it's not easy.  it would be great if change was an ecstatic euphoric jubilance (i made that word up) but reality is much different.  on the one hand i find it verrrrrry hard to let go of food n fun.  like i'm still thinking about them and what's best for them and what they need and how this can improve or that.  and yet, i feel like i'm already on the outside looking in and that kind of hurts.  it's kind of like a twisty pinch to the heart.   it's like i stepped out of the food n fun current and i see them sweeping past me as i stand on the bank.  then i turn to my new unit and it's a bewildering unknown, a puzzle where i am the proverbial square peg...  this is after 2 full days in the unit.  ha ha.  but really, i have this tiny little fear that either i'm going to whither away with a bad case of the grey dullards or i'm going to blow this place up and no one is going to survive the blast.  but maybe the reality can be different.  maybe i can find a way to shine my bright pops of colour without nuclear blasting others.  i feel i should at least stick around to find out. 

talk with self:
growing pains are real ok.  i asked for this?  i did. i asked for this.  and there's a lot of good work to do.  and challenges can be fun.  and remember when you prayed about it?  and every prayer was the same.  an expanded mind with multiple visions of possibilities going on and on and on. one opening upon the other.  that's in you still.  yeah ok, thanks self, good talk. 

right now i'm listening to change songs.  last night i listened to a podcast from a life coach on change.  it was good.  she said it's ok to feel the feelings.  i think so too.  that's what i'm trying to do here. feel the feelings and let them go.  yadda yadda.

here's some art, poems and quotes on change: