be brave

i've been thinking about prayer.  i had this thought today...i was thinking about elder johnson's talk in the last conference.  he said one way to fight the 3 d's which are distraction, discouragement and deception is to pray 'every day, every day, every day.'  the way he said it like that was an allusion to another conference talk given in 2015 by elder pearson called 'stay by the tree'.  elder pearson used that phrase in his talk.  he was talking basically about the same thing.  he said to study the book of mormon and the words of the prophets every day every day every day was the key to spiritual survival and avoiding deception.  anyways i was thinking about prayer and how sometimes prayers feel more meaningful than others.  and i thought maybe praying so consistently, making your life a practice of consistent praying, maybe it is so that when you really need to pray, you will, and you can.  because prayer is part of building a relationship with God.  it's an act of trust and faith and communication.  and i think prayer doesn't have to be a big thing all the time.  because our lives are not big things every day.  our lives are every day common mundane lots of the time.  we can still have meaningful communication on the daily without experiencing a lot of drama.  i don't know if i am making sense.  i just think sometimes there is unnecessary guilt out there about prayers.  we should be praying this way we should be praying that way.  i don't think God is the one that wants us to feel guilty about how we pray. sure he gives us praying pointers.  he teaches us how to pray.  but he doesn't want us guilt to get in the way of our communication with him.  he knows the intents of our hearts.  people who show up for me daily, who do little mundane, daily things to show they care and they are with me--that matters to me.  that is meaningful too. i think i can always improve in how i communicate with God.  but i don't think that guilt needs to get involved.  God can take us where we are at whatever level we are at.  he can bless and improve on what we are ready and willing to give.  if we pray but do it grudgingly or sleepily or unintelligably, he'll patiently take that offering however small it is and give back to us the maximum that can be given back.  and teaches us line upon line upon line, and grows us up. he is a nurturer.  he is a grower.  he is a positive reinforcer.  he knows and expects us to be imperfect.  it's just silly to feel guilty for being mortals.  his work is us.  it's not him who wants us to feel bad.  any time a guilty or negative thought comes along that's a message from someone else who likes to point at us and make us feel bad and hide and stop living and growing.   repentence is a gift and it's a process.  a joyful one.  of learning to do and be better.  we don't have to hate ourselves or think badly of ourselves for being in a learning and growing process. and that learning and growing process is life.  what a waste of time it is to feel guilty for not being the best at something or judging other people in their process of learning and living.  i feel guilty for all the time i've wasted! haha.   i don't know. i think there is a difference between that way i feel when i've done something wrong and i want to do better, or if i see my imperfections and i want to improve on them, than the kind of guilt i am talking about.  the kind of guilt i am talking about is not a motivator.  it's a demotivator.  it makes me feel stuck and bad about myself and that i can't change or improve.  i just really have been seeing with new eyes lately about that kind of deception.  i feel like i fight against those kinds of lies all the time.  you are too late.  you didn't do it good enough so you shouldn't do it.  you failed.  you can't.  you aren't.  it's just lies.  because i am never too late.  i can always try.  i can always try again.  i can.  and i am.  and every little effort can and will be rewarded with big and little success and it's just lies.  it's just interference with my potential for greatness.  in fact i am great because he makes me great.  and he is God.  he is my Father.  and yeah perhaps on the daily i see very little of what he may see in me or this greatness that lies within me but i think...i really think that the more i trust in him, the more i can be more of who i really am.  ...well this really turned into quite the manifesto.  i just..ugh.  i just i'm done with the negativity and lies.  or i want to be done with them.  i think they are so pervasive and it's easy not to notice them.  and i want to see them and understand more clearly.  so as to better karate chop them with the truth.  i love you and you are doing a wonderful job.  maybe try saying that to yourself in the mirror.  and every time you have a negative self thought.  i love you and you are doing a wonderful job.  it's not a lie.  it's the truth.  maybe try encouraging yourself instead of discouraging yourself.  maybe be brave and encourage yourself.  be brave and believe in yourself.  i'm going to try to be brave too....

i hope my shadow pics help you to be brave too.  love yerself.  it's not wrong.  it's right.  and it helps you to love others.  it makes love a way of life.  love God, love yourself and love others.  love is not wrong.  love is not soft or the easy way out.  love is strong.  it's true.  it's brave and it is hard and it is right.