naps are back alright! and sahara desert

i have done what i have not done in many months.  i capitulated to the pull of the sunday afternoon nap.  yes i napped and i napped hard.  i'm not sure what time i fell asleep but if you need an exact time for your records of my napping habits i can at least tell you it was probably  around a 3.5 to 4 hour nap.  and while i did need a sleep, now i am paying the piper.  because it's after midnight and i'm wide awake.

sometimes i have low days and sometimes those low days are saturdays when i stayed inside all day editing photos and watching anthony bourdain travel and eat.  i have been dealing with some sort of inflammation.  it seems to happen to me every march.  my feet swell right up and my carpel tunnel flares and my eye bags balloon.  and before i know it i catch myself feeling like my life has no purpose and no light.  i catch myself in a cycle of self loathing.  i mean i thought i was done with self-loathing decades ago.  but i guess it's easy to fall into.  and i guess it's something to always be vigilant about.  because it's not right to loathe ourselves.  it's the opposite of right.  it's wrongo in the congo.  but i caught myself.  and i said to myself as i dragged my sorry for myself self to my bed last night, 'self, this is not right.  why are you feeling this way?' and i had a prayer about it and asked Heavenly Father to help me feel differently.  and today i did feel differently.  we are singing such beautiful and inspired music in stake choir and some point in choir i had a special moment when i felt brim full of love and gratitude to Heavenly Father and i felt just like everything was going to be ok.  and on the way home i was driving alone because evelyn has a cold and didn't come to choir today.  and i was thinking about how the darkness of this world is real.  and i feel battered about by it sometimes and weighed down.  and all i see is the darkness.  and then i thought yes, darkness is so real, but the light is also real. and the light is stronger than the darkness. fear is real.  but faith is also real. and hope.  and what i choose to focus on makes a big difference for me.  i'm almost 45 but i still have so much more to learn.

those are my deep thoughts for today. they might only make sense for me.  below i am sharing the pictures from april 26 and 27 2018 which mostly are about the sahara desert.

my tour group consisted of the luxury 5, 5 chinese students studying in london, gina, the other budget traveler, and me... and abdeilah our driver.  i luckily and thankfully got the front seat in our van.  the 26th was the 2nd day of our road trip.  the night before we dropped the luxury 5 off at a gorgeous hotel with a pool.  gina and i started to get out of the van too.  "oh sorry. not you two." said abdeilah who barely ever said anything.  the fab 5 laughed, so excited about their pool.  "bye you guys!  hope your hotel is as nice as ours!"  gina and i looked at each other.  i was pretty sure it wasn't going to be.  gina was also chinese but living in south africa.  anywho... abdeilah drove and drove and drove all through a winding canyon past many nice hotels...and then by many less and less nicer ones until we arrived at our hotel.  a building cramped directly on the side of the highways and directly onto the canyon wall.  we didn't really care. all we cared about was getting to the sahara and everything else we had to go through was just that--something we had to go through to get to the sahara.  so we also didn't really care when they told us  that we were sharing a room--not something that the tour people had mentioned when we booked... and we didn't care too much when our room was so sketchy and the window was right up against the rock of the canyon and our bathroom had no door, just a shower curtain pulled across but only half way down.  gina insisted on taking the smaller bed even though i tried to take it first.  we kind of setttled in and arranged our stuff and then we met in this main room for dinner.  other tour groups were there too, but just gina and i on our own.  the meal was a group tajine and bread.  we went to bed pretty early, excited for the next day.  we both made our back packs into overnight bags for the sahara.  the bed and blankets were kind of gross and scratchy and just really old looking/feeling but i just ignored it and fell asleep pretty easily.

the next morning we had bread and jam for breakfast and then gina had a shower.  i got ready and i just really had to go poo, but didn't want to in a doorless bathroom so i waited until gina was all ready and then i said i'd meet her at the front desk.  she got what i was saying.  abdeilah greeted us cheerfully.  he stayed at our same sketch hotel.  we went to pick up the fab 5 and they were all hung over and slow moving.  fab5 always kept us waiting.  but not long, and we were on the road. for a while we were driving parallel to the mountain range that we had crossed, aka the high atlas mountains.

 there were many checkpoints and at this particular one, abdeilah had to go talk to the officials. we were stopped right beside some olive trees so i just took a few clicks.

 we passed many towns.  this is one we stopped to take a pic of.  it's in an oasis, as you can see.  also all the houses are made from basically mud and straw.  that tall tower is the mosque.

 it was on this road trip that i realized why morocco's flag is red with a green star.  it's all red earth and then oaises of green....well that's what i decided anyways.

we stopped at a gorge.  sellers were selling at the side.  most people i met in this area were berbers.  i practiced the 2 berber words i learned which were thank you and hello.

 i was standing in the stream taking this shot and i heard some singing.. kind of like the rushed singing you sing to yourself as you wash your hands or do a task.  almost humming.  anyways i turned around and it was a man standing there singing and beckoning me to come and buy his wares.  i kind of laughed to myself. what an oddball approach.

 where i make use of my self timer and adopt a super hero pose.

 self timed pic #2... oh my what has caught my attention?  so natural, so unaffected...

 some scarfs blowing in the wind.

 then i met a guy who offered to let me see his cave.  wary, because i knew by now that most invitations are not out of kindness but more of a cash flow kind of invitation, i asked if he meant for free.  and he did.  he was nice.  so i went behind his stall and saw his little cave and he took my pic and i thanked him and i continued on my way.

 after that we drove on to this town where we had our obligatory carpet demonstration

 then we drove a lot more...stopped and bought 3 large water bottles, because you have to bring your own water to the desert.  abdeilah took this opportunity to buy himself some fetching desert head scarves as well.  i was getting butterflies.  i felt we were getting really near.  when suddenly orange mountians appeared in the distance... and they were the sand dunes of the sahara desert.  erg chebbi.  erg means sand sea.

 abdeilah dropped gina and i off at a hotel.  in a courtyard behind the hotel.  he said he would be back for us the next day and he took the luxury 5 off to their luxury camp.  gina and i were stationed at this table waiting for many hours. tour groups came and tour groups left. i noticed this obnoxious yelling spittle flying kind of guy telling everyone what to do.  i called him 'yalla' in my mind.  yalla means come on, or let's go.  but he was yelling yalla at everyone.  well finally yalla yelled at us to follow a group out towards the camels, so, excited that our time had finally come, gina and i followed them out.  while we were waiting to get our camels, a guy came up to me and told me i couldn't ride the camels.  he said i was too big.  he said their camels were too small and the distance was too far.  he said i would have to ride in the jeep and pay more money to do so.  i knew i wasn't too big to go on the camels.  camels can carry a lot of weight.  a LOT.  i knew he was just scamming me, but at the same time i felt helpless to fight it.  gina tried arguing with them that i had ridden a camel in egypt.  i tried to say i shouldn't have to pay more for something they could not provide me with and if there was a problem, they should have said so when we booked the tour.  but in the end i gave up.  it was too disheartening and humiliating.  i went back inside to wait for the jeep and i spent most of the time trying not to cry, and kind of crying.  my disappointment was very great.  i had put all my hopes and dreams on this journey through the dunes, quiet and still in the desert, taking pics, seeing the sunset etc.  the man's name i found out later, was yusef.  he told me we would still stop for pictures.  just more lies though.  soon after gina came back in too. she said they didn't have enough camels and sent her back.  we were both in bad moods after that.  after about another hour gina left on a camel and yalla came through yelling yalla at me and these 2 other moroccan girls.  i followed the girl out the back where yalla was yelling yalla at us to get in the jeep.  that's when the girl and yalla got in a big fight.  lots of yelling and gesturing and the girls called someone and yalla threatened to drive away without them and the whole time i was sitting hugging my back back and trying not to cry.  i prayed that somehow this would turn out good.  and... it did.

but first the jeep ride.  a bunch of workers were riding on top. 

 a camel caravan leaving

 yalla sped up and over and around the dune like a big thrill ride.  i wasn't feeling it.  this loud and raucous way was not they way i wanted to travel through the desert. the girls whooped from the back and laughed as we roller coasted over many high dunes.  in less than 10 minutes we were at the camp.  i was overflowing with disappointment.  we didn't stop for pictures.  everyone else got out but i stayed in the front seat hugging my back pack.  brutish yalla snorted. "what's wrong with her? is she coming back with me?" yusef came to get me out of the car.  "do you want to go on a camel ride now?" he asked.  i said in the smallest of all small voices, "you said we would stop for pictures.  i want to take pictures of the sunset".  someone took my bag and yusef said "he will take you to take pics of the sunset" and i followed a guy across the sand to a waiting camel.  no one introduces themselves.  i had to ask his name.  his name was omar.  omar got me on the camel and started walking me around with it...basically in circle like a kid on a pony ride at the fair.

 i felt like i had to take matters into my own hands.  "listen omar," i said, "take me to that dune over there.   then i'm going to get down and take pictures." and that's what we did.  as soon as i was barefoot in the sand exploring on my own, getting lost in my photography nirvana, the disappointment left me and i was able to live in the joy of the moment.  everything was silent and the sun was low in the sky making gorgeous light.

 and the sand was so...so so orange!

 you can see from my shadow that i'm standing on a pointy dune.  walking on sand dunes is SUPER hard.  you feel like a drunken, lumbering whale on land for the first time.  yet omar walked gently and softly without sinking, like he was walking on pavement.

 speaking of omar, i forgot about him.  "omar! i called out over the dunes behind me. you can go back! i can walk back." omar called back that he didn't mind waiting.  "ok, but i'm going to be a while", i warn him.  he said he likes waiting.  i had a nicer feeling in my heart for omar than for yusef.

 the sun was setting and the sand was turning a rosy pink.  i was feeling a sublime joy just being there and witnessing it. 

 it was a full moon night, which was pretty but also meant i didn't get the full stars over the sahara experience until after the moon had set (around 5am)

 selfies....

 once it started getting dark i pulled myelf away from my new love, the desert, and headed back towards camp.  that's when i saw that omar was gone and yusef was waiting in his place.

 he beckoned me to join him so i lumbered up the dune and sat down beside him.  we talked for a bit.  he asked me if i wanted a camel ride in the morning before the people left  "uh yeah i'm too heavy for the camels yusef!"  no i didn't say that.  but what kind of doy did he think i was?  i told him i didn't care that much about the camels. i just wanted to be able to take pics of the desert and see the sunset and sunrise.  yusef said that in that case the jeep was better because the camel riders had to leave before the sun rose and the sunset would be behind them.  he promised that us jeep people would be up in the dunes with blankets watching the sun rise over algeria. "you don't have this silence in canada" said yusef to me.  "canada has vast amount of wilderness." i told him, "but we don't have a desert like this."  yusef told me that his father walked to morocco from mauritania.  as we were talking he said there is your friend coming now.  i looked and saw nothing.  yusef saw them with his desert man eyes.  i saw the camel train coming once someone took a pic with their flash.  yusef sent me down to camp to eat.  he told me sayed would tell me where my tent was and my bag.

back down at camp i met sayed and he showed me my tent.  it was the very last one and it only had 2 beds.  most of the others had 4 or 8 beds in them.  then i came back to the dining area, looking for gina, but she never arrived.  finally sayed put me at a table with some other people.  i met 2 brothers from the usa, a girl from slovenia and a german girl.  they were all really nice.  we were all talking about how unorganized and crazy this tour was.  part way through our meal i heard gina' voice asking someone where they were from "we're all turkish" came the short reply.  i looked over and she was at the next table.  her camel train was behind the one yusef and i had seen coming.  she said most of her trip had been in the dark! what a gyp.  like what is she paying for?  she spent most of her time in the sahara in the dark!  anyways they put gina in a big tent with 7 other beds.  i told her to move her stuff to my tent because i was all alone and there was only 2 beds.  so she did.  she also told me that there were no washrooms there.  i was shocked and appalled.  especially because i specifically asked the tour guy when we booked if there were washrooms and he assured me that there was.  i instantly stopped drinking any water. there was no way i was going to pee out  in the open on the beloved sand dunes. 

gina and i went back to the dining area.  there was supposed to be music.  omar, and yusef and sayed and some younger guys were milling about talking to the different groups.  they all had some knowledge in spanish, italian, french and english.  omar was visiting us and i started to yawn.  he called over to yusef something and yusef came over and said "come on laura, i will show you the stars."  "oh, i'm coming too," said gina, and we both got up and followed him.  he led us over the dunes in the dark.  sometimes he had to drag us as we were floundering in the deep sand...well me.  he didn't help gina.  i helped her and he helped me.  when we got to the top he called to omar something and he said omar would bring us some blankets.  and he did.  we were all sitting on a blanket with a blanket tucked around us and omar was sitting between us.  then yusef just stood up and walked off into the night.  "uhh... where is yuself going?" i asked omar.  "he' going to be free." said omar.  after thinking about it a bit i realized he was going off to go to the bathroom.  when he came back he lounged on his side beside me.  we were all talking, i don't know about what.  but there were not many stars to see because of the fullish moon, as i said before.  still it was nice.  then we could hear the music start and omar asked gina if she wanted to go listen to it so she got up and said "come on, we are going to listen to the music."  "oh, ok" i said and started to get up.  yusef looked startled. "you aren't going to look at the stars??" he asked.  well we had been there a while and there were not many stars to be seen. later i realized that they were trying to separate us. but at the time i just was naturally sticking with gina and she was sticking with me.  so yusef helped us down the dunes and then we sat in this other area and sayed joined us and they started asking me a lot of questions about my age and if i had a boyfriend etc.  i kept deflecting the conversation to gina.  "gina has a daughter" i would say. sayed and omar then tried to convince me to sleep outside under the stars.  uhhh no, why would i do that when i have a bed in a tent??  they said i could see the starts when the moon set.  i can just set my alarm and get up and see them i said.  yeah, said gina, besides you'd be way too cold.  then we left them.  back in our tent there was a gross huge beetle.  i got rid of him by flipping out the tent wall.  our beds were comfy and ignored that there was a spider in the corner trying to catch a moth.  gina said pretend you didn't see it and so i did.  at 4:30 am i got up to see if the moon had set but it didn't.  gina got up at 5 to catch her camel train and i got up then too because she told me the moon had set.  i watched the stars a while and the camel train left.  it was starting to get light around the horizen.  they aren't going to take me out to look at the sunrise, i said to myself.  so i decided to go out by myself, and i did. 

 it was my birthday morning and i was 44.  i had a peaceful spiritual time out in the dunes in the silence.

 our camp was at the base of a GIANT dune.  we watched people climbing it the night before.

 there were lots of tracks in the sand.  i know some were from dung beetles, but i don't know the others.

 this one was mine. :)

 so liquid like wave in the sea. ugh. the lines! i love them!

 the sun hitting the other side of the giant dune.

i left when i heard the jeep arrive. by the time i got back everyone was in the jeep except yusef who was standing on the edge of the dunes scanning them for me.  i waltzed down to him, dropped my sandals and shimmied them on. "good morning." i said cheerily.  he gave me an appraising up and down look.  i didn't wait for him to say anything.  i grabbed my bag and hopped in the jeep.  my prayer was answered.  it did turn into a good thing. a very good thing.  and i was protected from those guys and their bad intentions.  i later found a review about them.  they separate the girls and harass them.  some even woke up girls in the night asking them if they wanted a 'massage'.  the camp people were the worst.  but the sahara desert?  it was amazing.  so glad i got a little taste of it.