self talk

November 22, 2018

self talk

well i'm bursting with things to say, things that are growling in my gut and just need to be said but i have no one to say them to. i mean there is someone but the someone is unavailable for a saying session. this is one of the most frustrating feelings there is and it's been growing for a while. can i just say that communications blocks are the worst? it feels so good to communicate well and it feels so bad when there are communications blocks. i am feeling the bad right now. and it feels bad. it feels really bad. i've been hoping for a change. i've been exercising patience. i've been giving the benefit of the doubt. but there comes a point at which one has to face facts. if someone doesn't want to communicate with you then they just won't and you can't make them. and wishing it were different won't make it so. there comes a point where i have to admit--if one cares about a relationship one will make the effort to save it and if not one may stonewall it with silence and absenteeism. silence and absenteeism to me are the utmost worst ways of letting a person go. have courage. be brave enough to have the hard conversation. it's the only way that shows respect and care of another human being. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. that's the argh of a frustrated woman. hi. i'm that woman.

sheesh. cryptic much? yes. no. maybe. well that's just ambiguous. now you are offending in a totally different manner and are big danger of 'being spewed out' (revelations 3:16) on top of everything else.

--and let's get real are you or are you not perpetrating a communication block yourself by the very nature of this cryptic blog post.

--i object

--on what grounds?

--no grounds. i just object

--there you go again!

--get lost

--well that's just rude not to mention contempt of court!

--meh

--i find you guilty of hypocrisy and apathy

--meh.

let's pretend that i don't talk to myself on my blog let alone have imaginary court battles with myself. let's move on. today i got asked to do some headshots of a group of physiotherapists. i said i don't have a camera but christine, she who asked me, said i can use hers. so i'm going to go pick it up tomorrow and try it out because the headshots are saturday night. so i'm supposed to do it at the beginning of their christmas party. so what i'm worried about is that there will be no natural light left at 6:30pm and what is left? office lights? so i did some research and it seems that a soft box might help but they are a hundred bucks or over and so i took a look at some soft box diys and it seems not that hard so i asked davidlin my friend at work if he can make it. i have full confidence that david can make and fix anything. so he said he can so yay! we'll do it tomorrow. can i pull off a professional shoot with a homemade soft box and a borrowed camera? fake it till you make it i guess. i can at least try.

archie is peeing in places that are not his litter box. i really have to put my poor little guy out of his misery. but i'm hoping something miraculous will happen instead.

today at work i organized a big gift draw and i facilitated a big group discussion on the work-ordered day. the work-ordered day is a fundamental in clubhouse philosophy and sometimes it's nice to get back to the basics and remind ourselves of what our purpose is and why we are doing what we are doing and generate ideas of how we can be better.

we also made ceviche. i didn't. i just gave them the recipe and did office work, coming out occasionally to give it my tasting opinion. and added a few items at the end. but it was really good. i'm proud of us.

jimmy and i stayed a half hour late today discussing the christmas party dinner and the logistics involved. when will the chicken go in the oven and what pans will we use and how much oven space will it take and moving backwards from that to the roasted nugget potatoes and vegetarian lasagna etc etc. the christmas party is coming up soon and i feel tired just thinking about it.

we hired a new program director. she starts in not next week but the next. i feel nervous just thinking about it.

let these prowling women bolster our spirits.

and let us ponder this picture which i found on my computer which was saved from mom and dad's old computer, which file was named 'stupidlyduper'

and let us remember to appreciate a well-mossed tree.

and let's agree that i've come a long way since this first family photo shoot and also let's agree to enjoy the totem pole pose and sloan's hilarious facial expressions. also, let's question, was kyle ever this white??

let's remember mom and dad are in love....and let's forgive the bad quality of this particular copy of this particular photo.

let's also remember that mom and dad are funny and silly and that even though mom said she doesn't like getting her picture taken, she did this time for me and she was a babe.