i had to get up extra early because i wanted to prepare my yw lesson before ward council. also i had to give the spiritual thought. so i only got around five hours of sleep but that is becoming my new normal because i want, need and crave dark circles and heavy bags under my eyes. also i wake up every night after about five hours of sleep with both my hands asleep. it's a phenomenon i've been chipping away on. i know it has something to do with my neck because by moving my neck in certain ways i can un-sleep my hands (except now my left hand requires me to sit up fully in bed and curve myself forward in a lovely middle of the night tuck). so at first i thought it was probably my pillows because my pillows have been a blight on my bed for quite some time. so i bought new pillows recently at winners, and they're lovely. they are marshmallows. they are poofy squooshy puffy wuffy. they are fat pockets of delight. but the hands thing remains. it didn't happen to me in tofino, so tonight i'm going to sleep on the floor to test if it's my bed. i dread it being my bed. love to my bed. my bed that d2 and d3 lost on the highway but then found it again miraculously (mostly) unscathed. my bed that's so soft and comfy. my bed. my friend. my refuge when life got too painful and too hard to handle. please let it not be the bed.
anyway, i went to ward council and said my scripture then other things i said were "yeah" and "yes" and "in my sister's ward they had sealing nights at the temple." i like to really get in there and contribute. i also like to sit there with glazed eyes and pretend to be a statue. shrug. everyone's diff'rent mkay?
yw's was ok, i think my lesson was underwhelming to them. it is a miracle if i ever get some discussion going among them, and today was not a miracle day. i just have to hope and have faith that a.) things are happening inside of them that their sometimes catatonic state belies and hopefully some light and truths are seeping in. b.) i will learn and be inspired better over time how to reach them more effectively. c.) and in the meantime i hope love is enough. because i can do that.
i also gave the spiritual thought and ended up telling them the WHOLE movie i watched last night, which was pele. but it was so good and the message so good. i was thinking about it last night. how we know--it's common sense--we know it's best to be ourselves. to be ourselves is the best way to be. God made us so unique and beautiful and gave us powerful gifts, but if we are too busy trying to be like someone else, or how we think we should be, if we are too busy doubting ourselves or being ashamed of who we are, we miss out on shining our amazing beautiful light on the world. and like pele--he couldn't even play soccer like the european way which everyone was trying to emulate. he failed at that. but he could totally shine with the way he knew how to play. he was a genius at it and it was a beautiful art in him. but no one knew that until he had the courage to put the doubt away and believe in himself. we need to remember this and learn it over and over, it seems. i often have to tell myself, ok put away your fears and be yourself and enjoy yourself. forget the fears and doubts. go scuba diving in a wet suit that shows all your blobs and rolls. and when i succeed the rewards are great.... oh that movie was so so so good. I LOVE MOVIES LIKE THAT. let every movie be based on a true story of someone overcoming odds to shine in the world. that is the best stuff. i want to feed my soul that stuff all day long.
girl's weekend is coming up and katie and i decided to make donairs. and i decided to make the hot pink pickled turnips which are one of my favourite parts of my neighbourhood donair. so i started them off yesterday. it's supposed to take a week to pickle, but we will have to open them one day early. they get their awesome hot pink colour from a stick or two of beets that you brine along side of the turnips. it's a very simple recipe and i'll be super happy if they turn out. all my pickled turnip dreams will have come true.
last week lindsay gathered up her courage and told me she applied to work a year in japan teaching english. she wants to do it before she's done her masters (which she is doing by distance). i know it was hard for her to tell me and she teared up because obv she loves working at pathways and loves working with me.... i took it all in stride and was happy for her. i am happy for her and she is so young, she should be doing things like this while she has the chance. i waited until i got home to allow myself to feel the loss. we created such a nice little family in our unit and it seems that i will be losing them all. pascale got changed to a different unit starting at our move to the new building, yaz is probably moving to toronto because of her boyfriend's work and lindsay is leaving too. i cried a little and felt sad and lonely. i think creating this tight knit group at work has helped ease the loss of lisa for me. it's been special. i'm thankful for these 3 years. who knows what the future will hold.