Sunday, March 26, 2017

drearsies

i have a lot to say.  i have a lot to write.  i hope i remember it all.  you may have different hopes on the matter but i advise you to  keep that to yourself.

first of all, i find it necessary to note something about brother gurney.  brother gurney is a kindly gentleman with a cane and a hearing aid and a sweet fatherly disposition.  when i first moved the richmond he was in the bishopric and the first thing i noticed about him was  the long gaps of silence between his words as he conducted.  but i soon came to know him by his kind thoughtful friendliness.  anywhatsohaveyou, i was singing in choir today and i kept hearing a whistle.  at first i thought it might be my phone's notification. we all know how a'tuned one can be to one's particular notification sound on one's particular device, don't we.  but then i realized it was coming from brother gurney who was singing behind me.  he suddnely has a whistle in his singing and for some reason it reminded me of the sherriff of nottingham in disney's robin hood animation. and so while we were singing very earnestly i had my private enjoyments.

today melissa and i found ourselves in the hall during sunday school. we were both late because of various reasons, mine most likely less legit than hers, but late enough that we didn't know if we should go in.  so we chit chatted in whispers. = whisp whispped.  she just got back from maui and i happen to know she loves snorkeling with about the same amount and passion as i do, so i was asking he about it.  she said she doesn't get cold and she can stay in the water all day long.  i know someone like that.  she winked at me in the mirror this morning.  haha, i should start a self winking practice!   anyways so then that led into scuba diving which she has never tried, and so i told her a little of my experience and yadda yadda and hey maybe we'll take the padi course together!  i also told her about felting and she of course has needle felted animals and told me how she did it.

let it be known that a pair of mallards were waddling in front of my drive way as i was turning hot lips hoolihan into the drive way.  i slowly slowly edged towards them and they waddled incrementally forward until they suddenly could be pushed no longer and  shot up into the air and flew into the park shooting me looks of resentment. but the girl in the mirror just winked merrily at them. it's duck time of year in the park. that reminds me of when i first moved to this house.  that was also duck time of year.

i'm feeling good now, but let's be real for a moment.  i had a bad week.  i'm not sure why.  just a darkness and a dingy grey shrouded me.  i had exploding nose syndrome which others sometimes call fever, which is another way to go, no judgement from the girl in the mirror if you know what i mean.  but that just made me feel not well. i felt nose sniggerly. i felt woozy headed and i felt sorry for myself.  i was exhausted and i had no joy in my work.  i snapped and was short with my staff.  i felt weighed down by what was coming in the future.  i felt like everything was unfair and i felt betrayed.  i lost my happiness in creating my felt 'art piece' and suddenly all the colours seemed  a combination of dab and garish.  i spent so many exhausting hours trying to find something to do, somewhere to go for my week vacation during my birthday.  i knew i needed adventure, and fun and also not to be alone.  i searched and searched and searched.  i wracked my brain.  i pondered many possibilities but none of them seemed right or worked out.  i began to feel very lonely.  i felt like crying all the time, and sometimes i did.  i was worried that i was being sucked under into a depression like i experienced in 2014-2015ish.

on friday things started to change.  i talked to una about some things that are bothering me at work. not that it changed anything but just talking about it relieved some of the heaviness.  but anytime i thought about my aloneness, not that i don't have friends and family and good people in my life, but a single is still a single and sometimes there is just loneliness and it can't always be solved...like when when wants to have a fund adventure but there is no one to adventure with. anyflitherflather, when i thought about that i would tear up.  lolo was sad.  but on the other hand i stayed a little later at work just to talk with lindsay, paskee and yaz.  i was telling them stories and they were an appreciateve audience.

then sawsaw texted me and asked me out on a date.  her and the dougndels and mary and rhianononononon were stopping to eat at a yummy japanese niku jaga place on broadway.  their reservation was at 4:30 so i basically just had time to go home and change into the clothes of the day before which included thick purple eyeliner wings.

once on the oak street bridge in the middle of traffic sarah texted me saying they wouldn't make it because of the teen dates.  so they changed the reservation to five fifteen, but what was i to do, so i kept driving.  once in the area i parked behind the scotia bank on oak and broadway.  if you are curious, they have a 3 tiered parking lot but you can only pay in the middle tier, so that's a bit of a bug.  i sat in my car and had some conversations with karey until the time to go meet at the restaurant came.

it was wet and rainy but i jay walked successfully.  thanks.

i was the first one there.

when being seated sarah and i wanted to know, should dates sit across from each other or beside each other.  this is very important.  delanie said across from each other, so that's what we did, but the other dates sat side by side.  this was a decision delanie came to regret.  we got a meal for 6 people and sometimes that means they bring out 2 of one dish.  this is what happened with the sukiyaki bibimbap.  we decided that sarah me and delanie would share one and doug and the girls would share the other.  meanwhile i was picking up my dish with the 3 different sauces in it (the doug sauce, the sesame sauce and the red sauce).  i had just filled up the red sauce.  i was moving it out of the way to make room for bibimbap sharing.  rhiannon, confused, asked if she was part of our group and sarah said yeah.  "no", i corrected.  "this is our group" drawing the triangle of sarah and delanie and i with my plate full of sauces high in the air, not looking as i sloshed it towards delanie.  in my mind it was my flat dry plate.  but it wasn't.  it was the one full of sauces.  then delanie shrieked and i looked at her.  i had flung my sauces onto her head.  her forehead was splattered with sauces and her hair was 'soaking in it'.  oh my goodness.  i felt so bad for my misdeeds but at the same time it was so funny. sarah was across from me losing it, which did not help me to keep it together.  it was some time before we could stop laughing.  luckily we had had the hot towels previously, so those came in handy.  delanie handled it very well and cleaned herself up remarkable well too.  when we were leaving i looked at her and she still looked fab.

i told them about rain or shine ice cream so we went there and all were delighted.  then we went to the gem show to take rhianonononon to eryn and see eryn's booth and take a lookiloo at all the others.

there was an awkward moment when coming up to a booth i said "where have you been all my life" to no one in particular and the guy at the booth smiled and said "hey" but he was looking behind me so i assumed it was to sarah and didn't respond.  sarah was like "that guy liked you."  and i was like "no he didn't!"  and she was all "yes he did!  he said hey to you!"  "he said hey to YOU!"  "no to YOU!"  insisted sarah. we never could agree on it.  then there was that awkward moment where i butted into  a converstation that a booth lady was having with a friend and customer.  in my mind we were all kind of joking and talking but it wasn't until i commented or laughed or something and everything got quiet and awkward that i realized i was an interloper.

the show closed at 9 which didn't give us much time, but it was still fun.  and then i drove home and i knew i felt considerably lighter just from having some fun times with ma fam.

but the next day i still felt low and icky.  i stayed in bed until twoish. but i decided if i was feeling so dark and glumish, i needed some scripture study time and i did that and eventually i forced myself out to buy conditioner (which i left at katie's) and few other sundries at walmart, but i looked hideous.

after i got home it was almost time for the women's broadcast.  i watched it on the phone so i could work on photos at the same time as watching it.  it was so so so good.  one of the speakers said something directly about darkness.  and i wrote it down.  it was good stuff.  i realized that by focusing on my feel sorry for myself thing, i was shrouding myself in darkness.  it's best to look out and to help other people and that will bring light into my life.  after the broadcast i felt so much better and i listened to inspiring things the rest of the night while editing photos.

i had ward council in the morning so i tried to go to bed early but i couldn't get to sleep unit after 2am.  i thought, you know you have been sick with allergies and you are getting no sleep, it would be ok to miss church.  but then i thought, it's always after a dark dreary week that i get good pick me ups at church, so i'm going to go anyways.  and i did.  and i did get good pick me ups.  and the light is back.


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