thoughts on a good friday
this morning i lounged in bed for hours watching different youtube videos. you know how one youtube video leads to another and on and on into infinity squared to the power of 2 to the 100 000th decimal point of .66....etc. you know that right? well i started off well and good. amusing to funny, to interesting to to to..down to the rabbit hole of american politics and the horrid hateful things people say and do to each other. i was feeling a major dose of the heavy ughs, icks and dreadful oh-no's. my tummy was telling me that i didn't feel good. with the darkness glasses on it felt like the world was such a hateful place. so selfish and chaotic. but then i clicked on a different kind of video. i don't know how it showed up in the midst of the shadow gang of depressing videos, but there it was and i clicked on it. first it was about 4 guys who put themselves between their girlfriends and that crazy shooter guy at the movies, and all 4 took bullets and all 4 died. i teared up a bit watching that. then i watched on about a cop who's last act of kindness was to buy this little kid some cookies at mcdonald's then he went out and got shot in his police car. and then there was this video--it was footage of a race in 2008. the big 10 championships for women's 600. this girl heather was running in front her home crowd in minnestota. she was in front and she fell down and everyone passed her but she just got up and ran. she ran like she was stretched out and free and light and she caught up and passed everyone just at the finish line and won the race. the video was set to a spiritual song that i don't know, you are light, you are hope, etc. and at the end it had the scripture i've been getting the girls to memorize lately "i can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."--philipeans 4:13. i started to cry hard as soon as she got up after she fell and began to fly. then i watched a video aptly named restoring faith in humanity 2013. it was a compilation of people doing heroic things, kind things, saving people, loving people, all over the world. i cried hard in that one too. i curled up into the fetus position and watched it and cried. it was exactly what i needed to watch.
i learned something. it is possible and maybe even reasonable to to despair. to see darkness, like peter when he was walking on water and saw the waves and the wind and began to sink. but it is so much better to have faith and look for the good. because it exists all around us. i want to be a part of it. i want to be one of those people. and i know most of us don't have those big huge moments caught on film and sometimes good moments aren't caught by anyone, that we know. i think God knows. and it's his work we're taking part in when we do good things. when we spread light and cheer and kindness and goodness, give of ourselves, help save lost people, give hugs, help someone, see someone, listen... the ways of doing good are just as infinite as the ways of doing evil. the ways of loving are greater and more powerful than the ways of hating. it's easy and it's hard and it is sometimes tedious and boring, and sometimes it feels really good. but it's all worth it. i have a quote on my mirror. "your spark can become a flame and change everything"--ed nixon sometimes--almost all the time, i don't know if my spark will even be seen, be noted, be for anything. but i don't have to worry about that. i just have to keep sparking along and believe and have hope and rise each time i fall. and i fall all the time. it can be so disheartening. i may start to define myself by my falls. but it's better to be defined by getting up, not giving up and crossing that line as a finisher and a winner.
those are some of my thoughts from today.
i was also thinking that it is one thing to be there when someone is in desperate need and be the one that helps in that moment. a moment can be important. but it is another thing to be at someone's side all along the way, as a guard, in a way against those desperate moments. i was thinking about suicide in this way. that in the moment of dealing with someone who is going through something very dark and lonely and scary it is so easy to be kind to them, and gentle and to give them love and unconditional support. but it's harder when they are more safe and the things they may say or do may bug you. then, when life or death is not so stark of a reality it might be harder to show up and do the good things. but it's that kind of every day showing up--being a friend or whatever, that keeps people safe in the long run, that is the most meaningful.... i don't even know if i'm making sense. it's just something i've been thinking about. my social responsibility to others. caring is not just those intense moments of need. caring is a way of life and all people need care, always. and why should i withhold it?
heh. deep thoughts. today was the sing along messaiah with the mormon tabernacle choir. the bishop brought some scores from ubc. he handed me a fresh thick orange book when i walked in and sat next to my alto buds, melissa and tracy. it was great to be in the midst of the singing and to successfully find the last couple of notes to every chorus we sang. haha. that's our thing. we get the last note. of course we were more prepared for the hallelujah chorus and for unto us a child is born than with others. i'm wearing this kind of suade fronted navy shirt and when the night was almost over i looked down and all the previously fresh white and crisp edges of the book were covered in blue fuz. it was hard to get off too, but melissa's tissue came in handy.
this was my good friday. thanks to the Good Shepherd who always cared in the little moments and big and sacrificed himself for humanity in the most intense moment. he doesn't stop caring. because of him all that is death and darkness can be life and light.
i learned something. it is possible and maybe even reasonable to to despair. to see darkness, like peter when he was walking on water and saw the waves and the wind and began to sink. but it is so much better to have faith and look for the good. because it exists all around us. i want to be a part of it. i want to be one of those people. and i know most of us don't have those big huge moments caught on film and sometimes good moments aren't caught by anyone, that we know. i think God knows. and it's his work we're taking part in when we do good things. when we spread light and cheer and kindness and goodness, give of ourselves, help save lost people, give hugs, help someone, see someone, listen... the ways of doing good are just as infinite as the ways of doing evil. the ways of loving are greater and more powerful than the ways of hating. it's easy and it's hard and it is sometimes tedious and boring, and sometimes it feels really good. but it's all worth it. i have a quote on my mirror. "your spark can become a flame and change everything"--ed nixon sometimes--almost all the time, i don't know if my spark will even be seen, be noted, be for anything. but i don't have to worry about that. i just have to keep sparking along and believe and have hope and rise each time i fall. and i fall all the time. it can be so disheartening. i may start to define myself by my falls. but it's better to be defined by getting up, not giving up and crossing that line as a finisher and a winner.
those are some of my thoughts from today.
i was also thinking that it is one thing to be there when someone is in desperate need and be the one that helps in that moment. a moment can be important. but it is another thing to be at someone's side all along the way, as a guard, in a way against those desperate moments. i was thinking about suicide in this way. that in the moment of dealing with someone who is going through something very dark and lonely and scary it is so easy to be kind to them, and gentle and to give them love and unconditional support. but it's harder when they are more safe and the things they may say or do may bug you. then, when life or death is not so stark of a reality it might be harder to show up and do the good things. but it's that kind of every day showing up--being a friend or whatever, that keeps people safe in the long run, that is the most meaningful.... i don't even know if i'm making sense. it's just something i've been thinking about. my social responsibility to others. caring is not just those intense moments of need. caring is a way of life and all people need care, always. and why should i withhold it?
heh. deep thoughts. today was the sing along messaiah with the mormon tabernacle choir. the bishop brought some scores from ubc. he handed me a fresh thick orange book when i walked in and sat next to my alto buds, melissa and tracy. it was great to be in the midst of the singing and to successfully find the last couple of notes to every chorus we sang. haha. that's our thing. we get the last note. of course we were more prepared for the hallelujah chorus and for unto us a child is born than with others. i'm wearing this kind of suade fronted navy shirt and when the night was almost over i looked down and all the previously fresh white and crisp edges of the book were covered in blue fuz. it was hard to get off too, but melissa's tissue came in handy.
this was my good friday. thanks to the Good Shepherd who always cared in the little moments and big and sacrificed himself for humanity in the most intense moment. he doesn't stop caring. because of him all that is death and darkness can be life and light.
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