Monday, January 18, 2016

a season of important things.

  i've been thinking a lot lately about stress.  a year and a quarter ago when i officially took on the manager position, i think it was a really good thing for me.  i was so lost in my personal life and it gave me something to grip a hold of and focus all my thoughts and energies into.  i think having the responsibilities on my shoulders gave me a purpose and the constant busy-ness kept me fresh when i otherwise would have sunk deeper into depression.

for a long time i felt so weak emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  but now i have this new feeling.  strength.  God has been so kind and gentle with me.  and so merciful.  he really does heal broken hearts. it's hard to explain.  things are still not perfect with me.  i have days that i struggle, just like anyone, but it's not about that.  it's about the inner of the inner.  the holy of holies of my inner core. my inner core that once felt so broken, now feels whole, and sturdy and strong.  looking back on my broken bird fragile self, still makes me tear up.  how i begged and pleaded for his help--for healing and i didn't know that patiently, piece by piece he was doing just that.  i cannot express how thankful i am.  and i know many people prayed for me and put my name on temple prayer lists and were with me in my suffering and so kind to me when i was so lost and i know i am so blessed to be loved so well by my family and friends and co-workers and church family.  i really am rich in things that matter most.

and now that i'm stronger and back fully into the struggles and efforts of life, i suddenly noticed how stressed out i feel at work.  especially after time off, the physical feeling of stress is so noticeable.   and so i've been thinking that something needs to change. i don't want to be annoyed, irritated, frustrated and stressed on a daily basis.  i'm not sure what the change should be.  but i'm on the look-out.  i'm a manager and a young women's president.  clearly this is a time in my life when i'm supposed to learn some important things.

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