it's canada's birthday.  i spent it sprawled over various surfaces in my house/porch lost in alternate realities. i was reading.  and i was losing all happiness and joy because i'm a sponge and feelings seep into my heart and drain my soul with little resistance.  but i kept reading, bulldozing over myself. i'm good at doing that.  and then an ending i didn't want.  a grief filled ending.  it took me several chapters to believe it.  and i felt angry and sad.  and why??? and then i felt nothing has meaning and nothing matters.  i know it's not true.  that it will pass.  the book's message is that people help each other to mend.  that may be true.  i see God's hand in the mending.  because God is love. i am so empty right now.  why do i ever read books.