loss

 i know a man who is so so so good.  so devout and faithful, so true and kind.  and i love him.  and he loves me.  and his love is so beautiful.  the kind that shelters and protects, the kind that is tender and sweet.  the kind that sacrifices self.  the kind that gives everything.  the kind that makes me feel beautiful and loved and cherished.  the kind that makes me blossom. the kind that works tirelessly to secure my happiness.  the best kind. the very best kind.

i love him so much.  i feel like i belong wherever he is.  i feel like i want to be with him always.  but i can't.  and this is grief.  this is sorrow.  and i hurt someone i love who loves me like this.  and this is worse grief.  this is worse sorrow.  

and i'm writing about it because i need to express it, but i don't want to talk about it.  i don't want you to phone me or visit me. and i don't want to hear one bad word about my love. ever. and i might want to be by myself for a while.  and i might write depressing posts.  please forgive me.