...
i just finished watching north and south. again. the ending is almost unbearable to me right now. how he had been so severe, but then so achingly tender. the way he took her hand, the way he kissed her. aiyiyi.
i feel so sad and i can't shake it right now. it is easy to act normal while feeling sad the whole time. how did i manage to be so good at hiding my feelings? i do whatever i can to distract myself, but it's there waiting for me. i guess i will just have to feel it before it will leave me.
there's a huge glass vase full of beads in our thrift store at work. ten cents for a scoop. this afternoon, when there was nothing to do and i needed distracting, i went in the thrift store and chatted with dave as i dug through the jar, picking out an eclectic collection of beads. when i was satisfied i took them back to my desk and threaded them onto some fishing wire i have in my desk drawer. then i got mireya to tie it on my wrist. now i have a bracelet that i can't take off unless i cut it off. i like it's randomness.
i can't seem to catch up on my sleep but i am trying. today i could have slept a full 8 hours but inexplicably woke up at 6am. i lay still for half an hour trying to trick my body back into sleep by breathing slow and deep, but it didn't work. finally i just got up. i studied proverbs 3:5-6. and followed where that led me. i think i needed reminding of what trusting the Lord means.
by 3pm i felt sooo tired. the thick heavy kind of exhaustion that overtakes you and pulls you down into nothingness. i almost napped after work but i couldn't. instead i went to shoppers drug mart and bought garbage bags, a toothbrush, light bulbs and a matte lip balm. the lights in my room and the kitchen have been out for weeks. when i got home i changed the lights, emptied garbages and the litter box and put away clothes while watching north and south. but i strangely had little strength and just doing that made my legs and hands shake. i'm not sure what is happening. maybe i'm fighting off another disease. i've been eating omar's immunity buster--honey and tahini. of course i took my blood pressure at shopper's and it was 107 over 77. maybe it's just my tiredness.
when i was putting away my extra new toothbrush (it came in a 2 pack, on sale) i found i already had an extra one. oh well, now i have some toothbrush preparedness for guests and the like.
i feel so sad and i can't shake it right now. it is easy to act normal while feeling sad the whole time. how did i manage to be so good at hiding my feelings? i do whatever i can to distract myself, but it's there waiting for me. i guess i will just have to feel it before it will leave me.
there's a huge glass vase full of beads in our thrift store at work. ten cents for a scoop. this afternoon, when there was nothing to do and i needed distracting, i went in the thrift store and chatted with dave as i dug through the jar, picking out an eclectic collection of beads. when i was satisfied i took them back to my desk and threaded them onto some fishing wire i have in my desk drawer. then i got mireya to tie it on my wrist. now i have a bracelet that i can't take off unless i cut it off. i like it's randomness.
i can't seem to catch up on my sleep but i am trying. today i could have slept a full 8 hours but inexplicably woke up at 6am. i lay still for half an hour trying to trick my body back into sleep by breathing slow and deep, but it didn't work. finally i just got up. i studied proverbs 3:5-6. and followed where that led me. i think i needed reminding of what trusting the Lord means.
by 3pm i felt sooo tired. the thick heavy kind of exhaustion that overtakes you and pulls you down into nothingness. i almost napped after work but i couldn't. instead i went to shoppers drug mart and bought garbage bags, a toothbrush, light bulbs and a matte lip balm. the lights in my room and the kitchen have been out for weeks. when i got home i changed the lights, emptied garbages and the litter box and put away clothes while watching north and south. but i strangely had little strength and just doing that made my legs and hands shake. i'm not sure what is happening. maybe i'm fighting off another disease. i've been eating omar's immunity buster--honey and tahini. of course i took my blood pressure at shopper's and it was 107 over 77. maybe it's just my tiredness.
when i was putting away my extra new toothbrush (it came in a 2 pack, on sale) i found i already had an extra one. oh well, now i have some toothbrush preparedness for guests and the like.
Comments
sometimes sadness being exposed can be amazingly freeing. I'm also good at living with my various sadnesses and tuning them out with distractions. sometimes it's a movie that touches us that exposes some raw emotion. God can speak to us through any means. I love you Labee