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hi.  it's been a while.  sometimes i feel like i can't write about the most important things that are consuming my day to day life, and if i write about something else, then that feels fake.  so i write nothing.  and that doesn't' feel right either.  what to do?

i just watched a documentary film called the square.  it's about the egyptian revolution.  it follows a number of people involved in the protests, but ahmed--he's the one.  please keep ahmed safe.  it seems so senseless that anyone has to be hurt.  personally, i can't fathom the brutality of running over a defenseless person with a tank.  on purpose.

i'm sick.  again.  first i got the bad cold that evan proudly claims to have originally brewed in his own body and sent as a plague amongst all peoples.  still not fully recovered from that--now i have this.  i don't know exactly what this is.  i think it's the flu because i have a sore throat, head aches, body aches, extreme tiredness, and some snottiness.  yesterday i thought i might have a fever, but i couldn't differentiate between my body's heat and the heat pumping and billowing out of the vents of my house.  the heat was on super high all week.  yesterday i broke down and did what i should have done already.  i asked ken to put it to something reasonable.  i just hate to be a complainer.  but come on.  it was so hot, that i had to sleep on top of the covers with the window open.  i'm not looking forward to the next utility bill.

the point is, as lisa said as we took the garbage to the dumpster yesterday, "apparently you have no immune system.".

pat and larry have moved out.  evicted.  judy was keen to relate all the news to me.  she said for example that there were only 6 or 7 holes in the wall, inflicted no doubt, from the occasional rage that pat seemed to indulge in.  handy man has been there all week working on the house.  i blame him for the heat wave.

i wonder who my new neighbours will be.

so i haven't really left primary yet.  i still go every sunday because i'm hanging on in a most undignified way.  they still don't have a music leader, so i've been doing it.  it's fun.  it's so fun.  but i finally got sustained in my new calling this last sunday.  i'm the second counselor in the stake primary presidency.  we had our first meeting on sunday evening.  so...i may not be doing music time for much longer because we will begin travelling around for ward conferences next month.  it's weiwd to be in a stake calling.  weiwd but good.  this wednesday i was invited to go to a temple session with the stake counsel.  it was really nice.  special even.  president ellis was the member of the temple presidency who spoke in our meeting.  it was good to see him.  jack and jill.  i wondered if they would remember me, but they seemed to.  at least they knew i was a clarke.  brother harrington was in the session.  he whispered a "hello laura" as we walked into the celestial room together.  i was surprised that he remembered my name.  it's funny.  i've come to expect a certain clarke notability and at the same time a certain clarke anonymity.  a clarke yes--but one of the clarkes only.  it surprises me when someone knows me.

so far january has been so intense.  i have been praying so hard for different reasons. one of my new year's resolutions is to go to the temple more than once a month.  what i want is to go every week.  it might not be possible every week, but i'm going to try.  so far i have gone every week and it has been so great.  i've needed that spiritual strength and peace so much.

i still have my christmas tree.  it stands brittle and dry, and shameful in it's corner.  a few baubles still cling to it.  don't judge me.  when i have the strength i'll do it.

i don't remember the last time i did a real grocery shop.  before christmas judy gave me some food that she received from the food bank and from big brother.  so before christmas i survived on kraft dinner and after christmas it has been mostly vegetable soup.  to tell you the truth i don't seem to have much of an appetite these days.  i mostly just eat at work.  i think soon though, i will need to buy some fruit and veggies.

back to the photo editing grind stone.  later.