nothing

after moses saw and talked with God, saw all the wonders of his creation, he was left to himself, to his own power and was so weak he fell to the ground.  it took him many hours to regain his strength.  and that is when he said "Now for this cause, I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed." --Moses 1:10.  in Helaman 12:7 it says "O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth."  i feel my nothingness. i feel it so much.  if nothingness can be great, then mine is vast.  i see it, i feel it, i know it.  i am so aware of my limitations.  in Ether 12:27, Moroni says that God gave us weakness so that we can be humble.  i understand that.

i believe that we are all here on earth to do great things.  each of us has great things to do.  i really believe that. maybe others would not define the great things that i have to do, as great at all.  but to me they are great.  and here i am with a great work, and yet i am nothing.  back in Ether 12:27,  "..and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  God has the power to make my weakness into strength.  i've prayed for that so many times.  if i don't believe in myself so much sometimes--just because i know my weaknesses and failings so well, i do believe in him.  and just like the desperate father who said "Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief", i know i could believe more, but sometimes i'm just unable because of...well everything--my mortality, my weaknesses.  i do believe and i want to believe more.  ever since i was a young and a little bit scared missionary feeling her inadequacies so powerfully juxtaposed with her desires to do good and to be good, i've taken comfort from scriptures like this: Alma 37:6 "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." and 1Corinthians 1:27 "But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;" and not only that, but if you look at the stories in the scriptures, they are full of weak people, made strong through God.  it is one of the major themes, or messages that exists in all scripture.

i guess that the key is that the strength lies in God. his work is great.  he can make me mighty if he needs to. i don't know if i come to him or have faith in him the way i should.  and maybe some of the great things i want to do, aren't the great things he wants me to do.  not knowing so much, makes it hard. and sometimes i know there is a great work to do but i might not be the one to do it... i don't know if this will make sense to anyone but myself.  i just needed to write it out.

maybe i just need to do every good thing i feel inspired to try to do and let God do with it what he will.