gory details.

i've been trying not to mention it.  i don't want to complain, but the truth is, it's a lonely blog world right now.  i miss the golden days of sister blogging when posts were plentiful.  i like the way we all connected through our shared stories.  but i've had my dry spells as well, so i know what it's like.  i just want you to know--you are missed and the little and big details of your life matter.  they matter to me.

so yesterday i had a follow up visit with my gyno. ***warning to all who may not want the gory details of a visit to a gynecologist skip this paragraph*** all my tests are healthy and normal.  hormones, thyroid, iron, glucose, insulin, everything.  i may be slightly low on good cholestorol but nothing to worry about.  ultrasound--normal. so i was thinking, great i'm gonna go now, when she mentioned she'd still like to get a sample the lining of my uterus just to make sure everything was ok.  sure, i said, thinking i'd be booking another appointment on my way out.  that's when she took out the paper blanket and instructed me to bare my bottom half.  "oh right now!?", i said, a bit startled.  uhoh, i thought, i was not mentally prepared for this.  a few minutes later found me laying on the table under the light shroud of a paper blanket worrying about foot odor.  when my gyno came in, she was all business.  "i thought we'd do a pap at the same time." she says brightly and briskly, laying out her instruments of torture.  she threw in a breast examination as well, and found what is probably a cyst, but i have to get a mam.  honestly, i've tried to find it myself, but i can't.  anyways i hate speculums.  that's my take away from the pap.  owwwwwch.  if that was not enough she had to take it out--relief--'feel around for the uturus'--uncomfy (apparently mine neither tilts forward nor back, a fact of which i was weirdly proud) and then stick it back in--owwwwwwch.  then she took the sample with what can only be described as the longest most horrific needle/syringe like thingy i've ever seen.  first she's like, "you may feel some pressure on your cervix..." and i'm thinking, ok, relax you can do this, just breath through it...then suddenly she is suctioning out my insides viciously, and remarkably calmly and i am having the worst cramps ever and praying for it to end. and it does end quite quickly, and then she is pulling out the syringe that seems to have been miles and miles into my body because it just keeps coming and finally i am freed from the cruel grasp of the speculum and with a flurry of words and instruction the gyno leaves me, just a shell of the woman i once was.  i slump around getting dressed and moaning and slink out of the office after making an appointment for 6 months later.  the more i move the worse i feel my cramps and the circle of fire left by the speculum.  this is unfortunate because i walked the few blocks to the dr.'s office from my work.  i phoned sarah to commiserate with me as i walked.  at one point i was waiting for the light and wailed "my vajij! my vajij!" to sarah.  just then someone reaches out to hit the button to cross the road.  i turn and find myself face to face with a member from work.  awesome.  i hope two things. 1. that he didn't hear me. 2. that if he did, he doesn't know what a vajij is.  one can always hope.  anyways that was a bit embarrassing and awkward.

today i had a meeting with the primary presidency.  i love those ladies.  leilani brought lays kettle chips, and mei lin brought mandrin oranges, and i brought nothing but myself.  we got some stuff done and we got lots of talking done too because that is what we do.

christmas is coming too fast.  i'm not ready and i'm not going to be able to handle it.  help me.



 

Comments

Sarah-Lynn said…
oh my! Even though I already knew the details, I squirmed around in squeemish discomfort at just reading about it. Your poor uterus and vajij! Like we agreed on the phone, no one's going to believe that member guy over you! Of course, you didn't exclaim "my vajij!" in a public place.
LeashyLoo said…
Oh my gosh....when I read the details of your gyno appointment I thought that I was going to faint. I reminded me of the awful experience I had having a pap for the first time...ughhh....glad you don't have to got for another 6 months....ehy do you have to go anyway?
Beth-a-knee said…
lol. oh man!! I've NEVER had such a painful experience. You make it sound like torture!
I'm going to go ahead and point out that yelling--out loud in public-- about your vajij is bound to have an awkward and embarrassing out come. haha.
I know how you feel about the blogging emptiness. I've felt that way many times before. The golden age of sister blogging is over. But I still intend to keep my blog up when we get our computer after Christmas.