jemimah puddle duck gets her lillies on.

i was sitting in church today thinking lots of grateful thoughts, deep in the good emotions and i thought about all these things i wanted to write about.  i resolved to come to work after church for some computer time.

now that i'm here, i don't know if i'll remember it all just the way i thought it but i'll try to at least represent.

one things is jemimah puddle duck, my car.  it all started 2 weeks ago when i took her in for an oil change.  i told sampson, who has a large tattoo of delilah on his forearm (actually doesn't), that i thought the brakes needed to be checked and the fan belt too.  sampson being the good and thourough guy that he is, did a full inspection.  it was his first visit with the duck.  later that afternoon i got a call from sampson.  his voice was very sympathetic so i knew it was bad news.  sampson said he was very sorry that he was too busy when i called him for an inspection before i bought the duck, because he would have told me not to.  he had a long long list of ills(brakes, front and back, 3 odd tires, one worn, leaks, cracks etc).  most importantly sampson said that it was too dangerous to drive jemimah because the ball bearings were  so worn out that my tires could collapse at any moment.  he said it wasn't worth it to fix.

when i got the news i was a little overwhelmed.  my computer was dead, my car was unsafe, my phone, wonky, AND i had a bad oozy little burn on my leg.  i didn't know what i was going to do.  i couldn't afford another car.  i was still paying this car off of my credit card, cheap as it was.  i couldn't go without a car because i needed one for all three of my jobs.

but strangely i didn't feel afraid.  and oddly after that first reaction a calm  feeling settled on me.  not only that but a clearly posative feeling.  there were two things: 1. i really didn't know what to do.  i was at a total loss.  2. i really felt everything was going to be ok. 

i guess that i have had these kinds of crisis enough to know that God always takes care of me somehow, in some way.  i had faith he would again, and more than that i had a feeling like loss of the computer and car were going to be good for me and maybe, in a strange way exactly what i needed to have happen.

so i started riding my bike to work, and actually really enjoyed myself a lot.  on rainy days and sunny days i felt so glad to be out on my bike.  i don't know exactly what it is.  going slower in your travels allows you to see things that you don't always see when you are whizzing by in your car.  i saw this wild little lot that i'd like to do an early morning photo shoot in.  the morning light was so gorgeous there.  also there is something about going place by bike.  i feel empowered.  i feel mighty.  i feel alive.  i rejoice in the effort of my body and machine. 

meanwhile my friend mei lin said her husband who is a mechanic would look at my car.  she said maybe he can fix it.  i didn't have high hopes because there was so much to be done, but on thursday after work i met them in front of the house and i gave them the report.  brother teng said we should fix the ball bearings first because everything else you could deal with eventually over time.  he said he would find out how much they cost, and he took my list with him.

i continued to ride my bike, read books and go to the park.  i studied my scriptures in swedish (a carryover from the cruise) and even attempted to write my thoughts in swedish.  i went to bed earlier too.

one day i got a text from mei lin that the ball joints would cost 150 each for premium or 70 each for economy.  economy all the way, i said, calculating how i would come up with 140 to give her.  later she texted me that it was really 64 for both together.  the next wedenseday they came and picked up my car and on thursday afternoon the brakes and ball joint were fixed.  all for so cheap.  friday i was driving again.

today was our ward conference and president woolsy talked about the passage in matthew where Jesus says the lillies don't worry, they don't spin or toil and they are clothed beautifully and how much more will he provide for you.  he knows what you need.  and i felt this surge of thankfullness and blessedness.  and you know, i'm so not perfect.  i struggle week in and week out with things.  it feels like i'm always repenting of some mistake or willfullness or slothfullness or the worst--rebellion.  i feel so unworthy of such great blessings.  i feel like i have not yet learned to be valiant and true and steadfast, but for the littlest things i am steadfastly blessed.  president woolsy also talked about elijah and the widow woman. i love that story so much.  i love it because the widow who was past all she could do, who had spent her all to provide and had no more, was sent the exact blessing she needed, but it was disguised in a sacrifice and an act of faith.  the Lord was sending her rescue in elijah, but all she heard and saw was a man who asked her to make him a cake before feeding her son and herself --the last meal she had.  she must have had so much faith and trust to do what he asked.  and because she did, she and her son were saved.   i love that story.

and i love going to church.  it lifts me up.  i love being with the kids.  they give me joy.  and i loooove being part of a choir.  i love the people in the ward i serve with.  i just love going to church.   it really feels like a lifeline to me sometimes.