Sunday, February 24, 2013
i may have passed the point in the day where i have any ability left to say something worth reading. but nevertheless, read on.
i spent most of the day inside but not, for once, slothfully. i started a poem. i made a dijon, parm omelette with a side dollop of masala hummus (ooh! heather told me to try the masala hummus--it does not disappoint! a sweet light delicious taste of curry in your humhum. try it!) i did the dishes. i swept the floors. i put away my laundry--hallelujahpraiseshiphiphooray. i made baked garlic curry fries and ate them with sour cream and lemon vinegar. i read some huck finn. i took instagram selfies. and then it was evening and i was watching stuff and trying to edit photos and suddenly i could live no longer without ice cream. i needed batteries and i also needed ice cream. so i stepped out into the cold windy dark and drove to my neighbourhood mac's and spent my last bucks on ice cream and batteries. i hope the ice cream i had last night comforts me when i run out of toilet paper. just sayin, is all. ran into a guy from work at mac's. he said i should go there more often so we could have coffee. if only he knew about the last monies i wasted on ice cream. he might judge until he discovered it was chocolate peanut butter haagen daas ice cream--then he'd understand.
i was getting nowhere with the photos so i gave up and watched the mary tyler moore show full-time.
i've been thinking a lot about my life and what to do with it. how to live it. how cure myself of the rutskis. how to live more fully. one thing i thought of when listening to a talk on my paper route, was gratitude. i need to practice it more and think less about what i don't have and more about what i do have. when i wear the gratitude glasses the world is so much brighter, more beautiful and full of possibilities and gifts. sometimes it happens to me that i find myself in a kind of hyper-aware state where every little thing seems so beautiful that i want to cry. yesterday morning it was sounds. just the sounds as i moved about the kitchen. the scuffing of my heels on the tile, soft, solid thuds of the cutting board...it can't really be explained. it's a meditation, i guess.
on friday afternoon i lost my temper at work. i mean i was mad. i don't know if i've ever lost my temper like that at work. i don't even want to talk about it because it sounds so stupid. but some people made a mistake and cut down all these wires that rob and i had painstakingly put up a few weeks before. i had said many times that i needed the wires to be kept up and then i come into the dining room and they were down. well i kind of lost it. something similar had happened already so i was primed to be frustrated. i was off shortly after and as i drove off the anger was ebbing away. suddenly i felt uncomfortable and foolish. i mean was it really that big of a deal? enough to get mad at people for? wasn't it better to just let it go and work on fixing it? by the time i was parking in front of my house i was repentant and sent off an apology text, which thankfully was received well. i felt like john mcenroe smashing my racket--silly.
october 2011 i was taking that online photography course and one week it was all about portraits. i went to evan and esther's house and took some pics of everyone but i only ever edited one or two of them. i always wanted to go back and do some of the ones of evan. i think you can see why. i love these pics of my super handsome little brother. i love his evan expressions. i love the freckles, the lighting, the texture.