Sunday, February 24, 2013


i may have passed the point in the day where i have any ability left to say something worth reading.  but nevertheless, read on.

i spent most of the day inside but not, for once, slothfully.  i started a poem. i made a dijon, parm omelette with a side dollop of masala hummus (ooh! heather told me to try the masala hummus--it does not disappoint!  a sweet light delicious taste of curry in your humhum.  try it!) i did the dishes.  i swept the floors.  i put away my laundry--hallelujahpraiseshiphiphooray.  i made baked garlic curry fries and ate them with sour cream and lemon vinegar.  i read some huck finn.  i took instagram selfies. and then it was evening and i was watching  stuff and trying to edit photos and suddenly i could live no longer without ice cream.  i needed batteries and i also needed ice cream.  so i stepped out into the cold windy dark and drove to my neighbourhood mac's and spent my last bucks on ice cream and batteries.  i hope the ice cream i had last night comforts me when i run out of toilet paper.  just sayin, is all.  ran into a guy from work at mac's.  he said i should go there more often so we could have coffee.  if only he knew about the last monies i wasted on ice cream.  he might judge until he discovered it was chocolate peanut butter haagen daas ice cream--then he'd understand.

i was getting nowhere with the photos so i gave up and watched the mary tyler moore show full-time.

i've been thinking a lot about my life and what to do with it.  how to live it.  how cure myself of the rutskis.  how to live more fully.  one thing i thought of when listening to a talk on my paper route, was gratitude.  i need to practice it more and think less about what i don't have and more about what i do have.  when i wear the gratitude glasses the world is so much brighter, more beautiful and full of possibilities and gifts.  sometimes it happens to me that i find myself in a kind of hyper-aware state where every little thing seems so beautiful that i want to cry.  yesterday morning it was sounds.  just the sounds as i moved about the kitchen. the scuffing of my heels on the tile, soft, solid thuds of the cutting can't really be explained.  it's a meditation, i guess.

on friday afternoon i lost my temper at work.  i mean i was mad.  i don't know if i've ever lost my temper like that at work.   i don't  even want to talk about it because it sounds so stupid.  but some people made a mistake and cut down all these wires that rob and i had painstakingly put up a few weeks before.  i had said many times that i needed the wires to be kept up and then i come into the dining room and they were down.  well i kind of lost it.  something similar had happened already so i was primed to be frustrated.  i was off shortly after and as i drove off the anger was ebbing away.  suddenly i felt uncomfortable and foolish.  i mean was it really that big of a deal?  enough to get mad at people for? wasn't it better to just let it go and work on fixing it?  by the time i was parking in front of my house i was repentant and sent off an apology text, which thankfully was received well.  i felt like john mcenroe smashing my racket--silly.

october 2011 i was taking that online photography course and one week it was all about portraits.  i went to evan and esther's house and took some pics of everyone but i only ever edited one or two of them. i always wanted to go back and do some of the ones of evan.  i think you can see why.  i love these pics of my super handsome little brother.  i love his evan expressions.  i love the freckles, the lighting, the texture.

 this one is the one i had already edited back in 2011.

hubba hubba, right?


Andrea said...

Toadily! Love! Those! His face also looks perfectly oval... Could he be the most handsome brother?

amyleigh said...

I know what you mean about sounds. I get into states like that when I'm walking outside and suddenly the silence opens up and I hear the birds, the wind, my footsteps, my breath. It's very peaceful. I also totally understand about anger at work and feeling silly after an outburst. Don't we all!! I think we also pick up negative "junk" from people we mingle with at work and this affects us and our behaviour without us realizing it.

LOVE the pics. My absolute favourite is the 4th one down, the black n' white full face. The last ones are priceless too for the expression you caught.

Sarah-Lynn said...

I want to be more aware and more grateful. I want to learn more about meditation.

Love the pictures of Evan. He is a good looking guy and he knows it too.