oh cobwebs of the soul!  thorn in my flesh, constant battle--i tire of thee.

i'd had my fresh slice pizza and peanut butter and chocolate haagen daas.  i needed something more.  some inspiration if you will and if you won't, i most certainly will.  if my creative life force was the world, let's just say i had laboured through rain forests into a desert.  actually let's not say that.  a desert would be so interesting... let's just say it.  i was empty, burnt out, a shell of a woman.  it's what always happens at the end of a big project.  at the start i'm juicy and plump with inspiration.  at the end i'm sprinting to the finish line with cement blocks for feet.  (don't say anything about my feet.)  i was a tough, dried out old bird.  i didn't even have it in me to write anything to accompany the post of evan's shoot for his new album, out of obscurity.  i hope the pics just speak for themselves.

anyways i had friday night to myself.  i could start on the photos of those two cute chuckleheads of sarah's, and i did look them over, picking out some favourites, but my heart wasn't in it.  how could it be?  i had no heart left.

i wanted to do something.  something different that did not include my laptop. do something!  do something! throbbed a little voice inside.  but what?  certainly not the dishes.

so i said to myself, self let's watch one of your inspiration movies.  without looking far i chose julie and julia.  everytime i watch that movie i fall in love with julia and paul all over again.  i just love how they are together and how they love and how they live.  i'm in love with their love.  i know it's not real but i can't help loving it anyways.  i wish julie the best but no offence to her, i wouldn't mind if the whole movie were about julia and paul.

lately i feel like i just can't get my ducks to line up, which if you think about it, is a weiwd statement.  i don't remember the last time i had straight ducks at attention.  have i ever?  will i ever?

on thursday evelyn took me to see her sister's play.  her sister, alexis, directed a street car named desire.  i remember studying it in school and watching the movie with marlin brando.  i remember blanche's sister being hit by her husband stanley and him yelling stella!  i do not remember some of the other horrible things like rape.  it must have gone over my innocent head.  evelyn said the theatre was tiny but it really was tiny.  two rows.  which made it very intimate.  the actors were all really really good actually.  before the play i crossed paths with 'stanley' as he was leaving the washroom and i was entering.  he seemed nice.  after the play i wouldn't have wanted to talk to him or look at him.

before the play we ate at the original tandoori king on main.  we were the only ones there at first.  we shared butter chicken and aloo gobi.  ev shared her ideas with me on some ways i could get through grad school financially. what i ever did to deserve a kind person like her in my life, i do not know.

izzy is a circular hot pad purring on my back right now.

i was thinking the other day as i was making some food in the kitchen.  and i realized that when all my friends left me as they all did almost all at once (except fatima who was going to but didn't but who i see very rarely) i kept their things because it was like holding on to them.

bye