when our fears shall flee away...
as one beset with fears, one who shakes them off daily like moths thudding out of folds of clothes i'm taking off the clothes rack in japan, in the dark of my bedroom....get back on track! that happened to Mariko, not you. but pictured it so well it felt like i was there!....actually i don't always shake them off sometimes i invite them in to stay a while and sit by the fire, but the point is that i look forward to the day when my fears shall flee away. i look forward to drop kicking them in the bum to get them started. i wouldn't mind punting a field goal with a few fears.
what i'm afraid of:
1. climbing ladders--i can still remember the panic and the giddy fear in my chest, stuck on the ladder in the garage in terrace. john was below me trying to force me up and brother's arms reached for me from above. i wanted so badly to join them in the cool fort they made in space between ceiling and roof but my fear wouldn't let me. i cried and stubbornly stalled until john let me down.
2. sheer drops--somewhat related to above, get a queer feeling in my knees and heart when going down escalators with sheer drops and i get jumpy when standing at the tops of stairs if my back is turned to them.
3. big dogs barking wildly and running at me. this causes me to freeze in one spot and die inside. i don't think this fear is too irrational. surprise dog charges and just the general spookiness of the dark mornings caused me to quit my paper route and refuse to help katie or layne with theirs when they asked me to substitute.
4. roller coasters with super high plunges and inadequate buckling in gear so that you feel like you're going to fall out of your seat--katie experienced my terror that day long ago when i was 11 and doug experienced me punching him in the stomach as he stood holding my cotton candy for me.
5. bugs--more specifically bugs touching me. spiders, cockroaches, bees, bedbugs and lice are the big bad fearsome five. wolf spiders freeze me in one spot unable to go forward or go back. cockroaches illicit screams just viewing them on tv. bees/wasps make me into a wild flailing mad woman. bedbugs and lice make me paranoid.
6. being in social situations where i don't know anybody and i don't have a job to do. just what does one do with oneself? in grade 6 i answered this question by hiding myself under a tree with a book.
7. hiding away my life, my living time, wasting the time i was given.
8. not being good enough
9. not becoming who i'm supposed to become
10. not doing what i'm supposed to do.
11. being lonely
12. making mistakes
13 not being known.
14. failing at overcoming.
i don't think i'm very different than anyone else. we all have our fears. your fears may be different or fewer than mine, but just the fact that you have them makes you like me. we're all part of the fear family.
some fears are healthy. they keep us safe. but some keep us down, keep us under the thumb, bind us, dam up our way. i try not to give myself a hard time for having a fear. i try to work through them, with them around under, over...you get what i'm saying.
how i fight the fear battles:
1. pray--any fear i've overcome has been because the Lord has helped me. he's the one who says things like "be not afraid neither be dismayed for i am with you." and "i will fight your battles" and " i will contend with them that contend with thee." the scriptures are chalk full of take courage i am with thee kinds of scriptures.
2. some battles i don't fight--i don't climb ladders and i don't ride roller coasters and i can live with this.
3. whistle and sing songs--filling up a dark scary space with cheerful whistles and faithful songs changes night into day sometimes.
4. try--sometimes i tell myself to do just something, just anything.
5. hold on to something-someone--this helps in cases of sheer drops and more emotional fears as well
6. realize a lie when i hear it--you're not good enough, you're not going to make it, you aren't of any consequence etc all lies that feast on fears
7. take a deep breath and face the fear--fight it with faith.
8. do a little bit at a time--chunk the suckah
9. ask for help.
10. talk about it
fears. bah. one day there will be no fears or tears. which obviously means one day there will be no bees, spiders, cockroaches or bedbugs. i say a hearty right on to such a day. right on!
fears aside, it's been a very nice stake conference with elder nelson and his wife, one of my favourite speakers and a counsellor, sister wendy watson-nelson from raymond alberta canada. yesterday leading up to conference i was feeling oppressed. i spent the whole day in bed and was quite upset at myself for doing so. i only got up to get ready for conference. i said a prayer that i'd be freed from all this yuckiness of soul i was feeling. and i was. it was a feast for my spiritual insides. everything i needed to hear and think about and remember was served up to me in abundance. i love that. i love it a lot. today was more of the same. elder nelson said something about tithing today. he said if you pay your tithing you are blessed with physical prosperity and spiritual prosperity. and i realized that anytime i need it, look for it ask for it, that the Lord fills me up spiritually so that there is not room enough to receive it. literally. i'm grateful for that.
what i'm afraid of:
1. climbing ladders--i can still remember the panic and the giddy fear in my chest, stuck on the ladder in the garage in terrace. john was below me trying to force me up and brother's arms reached for me from above. i wanted so badly to join them in the cool fort they made in space between ceiling and roof but my fear wouldn't let me. i cried and stubbornly stalled until john let me down.
2. sheer drops--somewhat related to above, get a queer feeling in my knees and heart when going down escalators with sheer drops and i get jumpy when standing at the tops of stairs if my back is turned to them.
3. big dogs barking wildly and running at me. this causes me to freeze in one spot and die inside. i don't think this fear is too irrational. surprise dog charges and just the general spookiness of the dark mornings caused me to quit my paper route and refuse to help katie or layne with theirs when they asked me to substitute.
4. roller coasters with super high plunges and inadequate buckling in gear so that you feel like you're going to fall out of your seat--katie experienced my terror that day long ago when i was 11 and doug experienced me punching him in the stomach as he stood holding my cotton candy for me.
5. bugs--more specifically bugs touching me. spiders, cockroaches, bees, bedbugs and lice are the big bad fearsome five. wolf spiders freeze me in one spot unable to go forward or go back. cockroaches illicit screams just viewing them on tv. bees/wasps make me into a wild flailing mad woman. bedbugs and lice make me paranoid.
6. being in social situations where i don't know anybody and i don't have a job to do. just what does one do with oneself? in grade 6 i answered this question by hiding myself under a tree with a book.
7. hiding away my life, my living time, wasting the time i was given.
8. not being good enough
9. not becoming who i'm supposed to become
10. not doing what i'm supposed to do.
11. being lonely
12. making mistakes
13 not being known.
14. failing at overcoming.
i don't think i'm very different than anyone else. we all have our fears. your fears may be different or fewer than mine, but just the fact that you have them makes you like me. we're all part of the fear family.
some fears are healthy. they keep us safe. but some keep us down, keep us under the thumb, bind us, dam up our way. i try not to give myself a hard time for having a fear. i try to work through them, with them around under, over...you get what i'm saying.
how i fight the fear battles:
1. pray--any fear i've overcome has been because the Lord has helped me. he's the one who says things like "be not afraid neither be dismayed for i am with you." and "i will fight your battles" and " i will contend with them that contend with thee." the scriptures are chalk full of take courage i am with thee kinds of scriptures.
2. some battles i don't fight--i don't climb ladders and i don't ride roller coasters and i can live with this.
3. whistle and sing songs--filling up a dark scary space with cheerful whistles and faithful songs changes night into day sometimes.
4. try--sometimes i tell myself to do just something, just anything.
5. hold on to something-someone--this helps in cases of sheer drops and more emotional fears as well
6. realize a lie when i hear it--you're not good enough, you're not going to make it, you aren't of any consequence etc all lies that feast on fears
7. take a deep breath and face the fear--fight it with faith.
8. do a little bit at a time--chunk the suckah
9. ask for help.
10. talk about it
fears. bah. one day there will be no fears or tears. which obviously means one day there will be no bees, spiders, cockroaches or bedbugs. i say a hearty right on to such a day. right on!
fears aside, it's been a very nice stake conference with elder nelson and his wife, one of my favourite speakers and a counsellor, sister wendy watson-nelson from raymond alberta canada. yesterday leading up to conference i was feeling oppressed. i spent the whole day in bed and was quite upset at myself for doing so. i only got up to get ready for conference. i said a prayer that i'd be freed from all this yuckiness of soul i was feeling. and i was. it was a feast for my spiritual insides. everything i needed to hear and think about and remember was served up to me in abundance. i love that. i love it a lot. today was more of the same. elder nelson said something about tithing today. he said if you pay your tithing you are blessed with physical prosperity and spiritual prosperity. and i realized that anytime i need it, look for it ask for it, that the Lord fills me up spiritually so that there is not room enough to receive it. literally. i'm grateful for that.
Comments
Your list of fears is very relatable. Other than the fear of heights, I think I just might share almost all of them.
Hallelujah to the day that sees the end of cockroaches and evil, horrible spiders and bugs of all sorts.