super freak! the girl's a super freak!

i'm a relatively calm person. a lot of things don't phase me. i mean do get an occassional case of cabin fever at times, but on the whole i'm calm waters. you may disagree but this aint your blog, man. :) however i freak out when it comes to things like doing my taxes and applying to grad school. what is the deal? grad school application makes me into a total fffreak out. i would rather not have the drama, but my insides get all freaky and i can't help it. i may appear to be ok to the casual observer but on the inside my organs are freakin. i don't know where all the fear comes from. the mere idle thought about applying, and a geyser of fear gushes up causing my liver and gall bladder and spleen and kidneys, and probably appendix to freak out. i was hoping this year i wouldn't freak out. i mean i did it last year. i conquered the fear with Heavenly Father's help, last year. this year i'm back to page one of the freak out freakology text.

super freak: i can't do it.

me: you have to do it.

sf:i can't.

me: but you have to.

sf: i'm not going to because i am not able.

me: if you don't do it you'll spend the rest of your life doing what you're doing now.

sf: i know, but i can't apply.

me: what's the big deal?! just apply!

sf: i want to, but i can't.

me: i can't work with you.

sf: you have to or you'll never apply.

me: but you said you won't apply!

sf: you need to make me.

me: i can't. you're impossible.

sf: you have to.

me: i'm going to knock your teeth out.

needless to say the time is here and i have to act and this is causing super freak out girl to well freak out. i wish i was one of those people who just did things like apply to grad school as a matter of course with no freaking out and with very great skill. i think that might be the problem. i think i just can't do a good enough application to get in and that freaks me out. i wish i could just write the admissions committee in my letter of intent and say "look, i'm going to be honest with you here. this application may not seem super special. but i can't make it reflect how much i'll love this program. how zealous i'll be about it. how in it with my whole heart and soul i'll be. i couldn't find a way to portray that given the chance, i'll eat breathe live this stuff and let it transform me. i can't wait to learn this stuff. i want to apply it. i want to be it. i never knew any of my professors does that have anything to do with how good of a counsellor i can become? i took stats twice--and i never got any scholarships does this doom me to a life stalled at a BA degree?? let me in! i'll show you! please please please please let me in. i think throwing in the begging at the end will really clinch it for me.

wish me luck.

super freak girl aside, i just got back from the house of dosas where i met elena for some yummy eats. a dosa is south indian cuisine. it's a crispy thin pancakey wrap thing with yummy fillings inside and tasty chutneys to eat it with. i got the chicken vindiloo and elena got the mixed veggie. i also got my customary mango lassi. the place was packed. it's a hopping dosa joint. our food was placed in front of us in about 5-10 minutes after ordering. i think 5 actually. our dosas only cost 8.99 but when we got the bill it said 5.99. we pretty much think our waiter fancied us. so it was a sweet cheep meal and i had a good time catching up with elena and chit chatting, as elicia would say. it was nice to have a break from supah freak.

i'm going to go heat up some wax and then completely remove my eyebrows. i think it will make me feel better.