endorphins are a girl's best friend

in the recent past cold sores were a big deal to me. cold sores meant i was unlovable. i felt hideous and diseased--something like a leper. i felt i should yell "unclean! unclean!" and cross to the other side of the road, kind of thing. needless to say, i had a violent hate for them and wasn't very kind to myself when i got them.

this time i'm thinking what's the big deal? where did all that shame come from? it's just a sore on my lip. whatever. 5 years ago, if i had a sore on my upper lip and a sore on my bottom lip like i do now, i would have major self repulsion and be in a big panic over what i could do. this time i think "let it run it's course. it's not going to last forever." i give the whole thing a big laconic shrug. i look at myself in the mirror and can still feel beautiful despite the pus and the crusties. this is progress.

speaking about body's i have to tell this to my body:

i'm sorry body for burning you so badly in tender places. i'm sorry for the scorched skin, and the peeling and the little bubbles where you're supposed to be smooth and lily white. next time i'll be more careful. more vigilant. that's a promise body.

i'm feeling good because i accomplished my work-out today. since getting home from cali, i've had to work in the early hour of 6ish and haven't been able to do the work out before work, which is when i prefer it. yesterday i missed it because i got home super tired, fell asleep and didn't get up until it was almost time to leave for adriel's birthday thing. i was so out of it that i started the first ten minutes of the work out before realizing that it was time to go.

today i fell asleep again and when i woke up i so did not feel like doing it. but i did and the endorphins were just what i needed to get over my after the vacation blues.

after my work out i went and picked martha up from the mall and we came back here to have some chicken and carrots and hummus. i'm so out of groceries. then we made some rosettes together while listening to some of my classical music. if you must know we did some stretches too. i thought debbie's slim and limber was going to be more yoga-ish, but it wasn't. after that we went for a walk in the summer evening, which i really enjoyed. we had some good talks. sometimes it just feels so nice to be outside. i should go for evening walks more often.