it was nice having sarah and adriel and sloan visit and now that they are gone i'm having some post visit blues. everything just seems so blah. after 'dropping them on the ferry', as adriel would say, i came home and had a long nap. one of those naps that you struggle to regain consciousness from. in one heroic effort i threw the covers off and doing so, i buried izzy in a mountain of duvet. she didn't seem to mind. the cats are so calm and relaxed now that there are no children here. they spent most of their time hiding in closets, under tables and in the shower. they are such scaredy-cats. i mean all adriel wanted was to pet them and they took off in terror. they just seem to have some instinctual fear of small people.

i ate 3/4 of a container of prune yogurt today. is that bad?

uncle allan's funeral was nice. it was nice to see our cousins. i didn't get to talk to mike or sean but it was still nice to see them. they are very handsome and look a lot like uncle allan. dad talked about allan when he was little and how he had such a tender heart and was kind and generous. i could tell that he grieved over how that little boy with so much potential and sweetness ended up with the life he led. i felt sad about that too. to see his children and his two ex-wives and to imagine how things might have been different. jordan gave a really good talk too. one thing he said was that we don't know what uncle allan's mission was in our family and we may not know until we get to the other side. i saw some heads nod in front of us. jordan also talked about uncle allen being gramma's baby boy and the power our parents have to save us and the hope that there is for all of us because of the saviour. doug, john and jordan sang go rest high on that mountain again. i started to cry before they even began. it's such an emotional song and it reminded me of gram's funeral and it was very meaningful, i thought, for uncle allan too, and for them both together. i sure miss gram.

after it was over birgit, uncle allan's second wife, and curtis and denise's mom, turned around and hugged mom and said she sure felt blessed to know us all and how she was glad of all the good things knowing allan had brought into her life, especially so many loved ones, like her children. i never thought how she and loretta, becky, mike and sean's mom would have been our aunts. i never knew them. does that sort of thing change after a marriage dissolves? they are still the parents of your cousins. i dunno. becky's mom told me how cute i was the last time she saw me, with my white blond hair.

i found out uncle allan was in this documentary that we have at work called carts of darkness. after the viewing and burial on friday we had a potluck at evan and esther's. mike and his wife came, which was really nice. it was mike that told us. all this time and i never knew uncle allen was in that movie. so we watched it. uncle allan had a small part but he was definitely there. it was strange to see him sitting in the woods with other homeless guys drinking beer. i overheard dad say that it killed him to see it.

well i have more to say but it's too late. g'night.