so. here's how things are going on the grad application front: i'm scared. this isn't new. i've been scared the whole time. it's one of the reasons i keep putting it off year after year. my fear has specificities (other lesser women might say specifics, but i hold myself to a higher standard of expression :) ). i'm scared that i can't do this application. it's the letter of intent! how do i tackle this beast? i've got to write it and i've got to write it now. and i'm terrified that i waited too long to buckle down and do it. i'm worried it's too late. that the referees that i ask won't have enough time to do it, that i'll take too long to do my letter of intent, thus application, thus wasting precious reference writing time for the referees. but how do i write the letter???????????????

should i move? this severe change of topic is brought to you today by the double letters BB. bedbugs are remarkably hard to get rid of. this is what i was thinking about in the shower. i could just move with nothing but my kitchen stuff, my already treated and bagged clothes. start anew. the freedom of a pestilence free home would be fantastically, wonderfully, delightful. the things i would regret losing the most are my hope chest that dad made, my book shelf that dad made * especailly the book case!* and gramma b's red desk, aka red betty. i could even get rid of almost all my books and not take a look back. i do love my books and i'm proud of my collection. i like it when people come over and take a look at my books and we talk about them. but i can live without that for a while and books have a way of coming back to you. the very special ones i could bag for 18 months.

what to do about the trinity of beloved keepsake furniture items? i don't know. i don't want to move anywhere with the teensiest possible chance of taking BBs with me. so.... i don't know. i also shouldn't move until edith is going to move out (april/may) because then i'll just have to move again. but can i keep up the camping type living, and seemingly fruitless BB battles and skirmishes until then? wait and see. wait and see. in the mean time i do my best and trust in deliverance.

re: the fear grad school application. i know one of the answers is faith. faith is my weapon against fear. the meaning of "shield of faith" much more clear when i think this way.