long grained brown rice and a can of tuna

i leave new potatoes in my cupboard for months on end. i don't eat them. i only open my cupboard and stare at them. i store a big bag of carrots in my fridge for even longer and instead of eating them i buy another bag and put it on top. i pick my last tomatoes and watch them ripen on my window sill. i don't feel the urge to eat them. my cupboard is full of things i can eat--that i can make. it stays full because it's a cupboard museum of sorts. i only use the peanut butter and the popcorn. occasionally i can bring myself to use one of the items like a carton of soup or a can of tuna. my fridge is likewise full of forgotten things. who would know that i like to cook? that i think creating in the food department is fun? only people at work. i've spent the last five years struggling, barely cooking at home. i always think i will, but i usually don't. i don't know why. maybe all my energy for that is used up at work and at home i want to do other things. i know that i often want good food at home but not enough to make it.

well that's this stage in my life i guess. the non-cooking-at-home stage. some day when i'm old and retired i'll be in the let-me-cook-you-a-meal stage.