bed sores on my bottom

didn't go to work yesterday. it's a good thing too because i was full on s-i-c-k. i spent most of the day and i do mean most of the day at my computer listening to music and playing majohng blowing my nose and coughing big racking dizzying coughs. i did this for hours and hours and hours in a stupor of thought. when i went to bed last night i saw majohng in my head when i closed my eyes. all this non activity and cooping up in the house created no small amount of cabin fever. elicia called me on it when she got home. "you're just saying that because you've been inside all day and you have cabin fever" pretty much elicia, pretty much. i left the computer and took up some knitting on the couch and watched, listen up karey, little women. i was in the right frame of mind to watch it too. everything made me cry. i'm more tender hearted when i'm weak of body. knitting and watching a movie did not cure me of the cabin fever. thus it was that i stayed up late flipping through the channels watching nothing because nothing was good. read my scriptures and went to bed. i woke up with the same darned restlessness. it took some time but i finally spent some of that energy on cleaning. i did my laundry because i was in desperate DESPERATE need and i did the floors. i didn't want to. i had no yen to do it. i felt weak and shaky but i couldn't be still either. so i just started. sometimes when something seems too big for me, i just decide to start that's all i think about, not finishing. and the starting wave brings you on to the finishing. and now i feel spent but good.

embarrassing: i met the russian guy that moved in on the same day as us down the hall who elicia named mikhail, on the stairs comeing back from checking on my laundry. embarrassing because i was in my pjs still at 3:30, no bra and yucky hair. "hey!" he says all friendly. "uh hi," i answer in a sheepish husky with cold voice, thinking of how i can hide right there in the open on the stairs. of course there is no where to hide so i rush up the stairs and barely look at him. if you don't look at a person then they don't see you. every child knows this.