archie won't sing bass
hi. i'll tell you a secret. i had a horrible day yesterday. it was bad. a heavy feeling of negativity hung over me and a restlessness. nothing bad happened. i just felt bad inside and i think it was largely my fault. i've been spending a lot of time doing nothing lately. sitting at the computer with the headphones on listening to music i downloaded and playing mahjong for hours. it all started when i was sick. it's ok to do nothing when you're sick. but the habit followed me when i got better. i'd look around the house and see nothing i wanted to do. no, sometimes i also watched tv...or slept. so i think it was the bouts of inactivity that were eating away at my soul.
i went to the pumpkin patch yesterday and we also went looking for the flooded cranberry fields and we found some but they weren't flooded yet. the cloud of discontent was always waiting for me at home. i tried to work on my lesson, i tried to sleep. i was irritable and grumpy but was trying not to be. meanwhile elicia was being a homemaker extraordinaire. she made a chocolate fudge cake, made batches of carrot juice and cabbage-celery juice and some rye bread. she baked the pumpkin seeds and brought me some when i was trying to nap. i told her i was totally bored. she suggested i paint. she even offered me a little canvass. wow, that's a good idea!, i thought with some hope. so i got out my paints and set myself up at the computer. i already had a picture i wanted to paint. it was the wild dandelion pic i put up here a while ago.
well it didn't turn out well. in fact it turned out full out WRONG. i needed a really little brush that could do detail, and none of the brushes i had were working and the colours were being difficult. i find the most difficult colour to make is purple. am i alone here? purple is my painting bane. and what happened eventually was that i somehow began to smudge everything together and somehow the canvass became one solid mass of smeared paint. it's drying now.
i went back to my bed where archie and izzy had been sleeping all day in cutecoziness, climbed in and began to read a book. the book was not very happy so that didn't help. heather phoned to see if we were going to chandra's birthday party. i felt so negative and full of loathsomeness. i didn't want to go, but i didn't want to stay at home either. i told her through elicia who was the one actually on the phone that i would probably go. what does that mean she asked me back through elicia. i felt irritated. probably means just that! tell her if she doesn't know what probably means to look it up in the dictionary said my irritable smart mouth. is she in one of her moods she asked elicia. yes it would seem that i was.
but we went because i knew it would help me feel better. gary and letitia were already there along with randy and heather and chandra's school chum, erin who once interviewed me for a paper she was doing. heather was dressed up like hermione, her halloween costume this year. she loves her costume so much she wants to wear it everywhere. there's something cute about that. nikki came later and chandra's sister and pete, matt and pat and barb. i didn't get a chance to talk with barb much. this has been happening in social situations lately and it's not right. it's just not right. it was nice to see nikki though. i haven't seen her in so long. nikki, matt, elicia, heather, letitia and i ended up playing dice. i had a nice streak of good luck and then it all stopped. however, matt who started slow ended up winning. chandra's cat had a lampshade on and so got lots of sympathy and ridicule. i accidentally let it out and pat told on me. i was on my way to confess. i felt bad because i was sitting by the sliding glass door and true to form i got super hot in my neck area as i always do WITHOUT FAIL at every party i've ever been to in my entire life. and i was opening it on occasion to cool of my furnace neck and chandra asked me to shut the screen to keep the cats inside. which i totally did do. but then i opened the door again just by sliding it with my back (it's a talent) and i must of simultaneously opened the screen too, which i didn't know until i felt the swish of a cat's tail go by me out the door.
we left around ten. i knew it was ten from the humongous clock on the wall. as soon as i thought about going home the negativity shrouded me again. pity party city. i wondered how i'd teach my lesson with this attitude bogging me down. i didn't even feel like going to church.
this morning i woke up with a vague feeling that i'd done something wrong. it took a while to straighten things out. then i had a really good lesson planning time. it was so good. the study time is always so full of things and insights and scriptures that i have no time to even give in class. it's all just goodness for me. this is all one reason that this calling is such a blessing for me. it forces me to get back on track, to try and be worthy of the spirit and to delve into the scriptures. it so surprising at how much is there to be found. treasures and light and goodness. and at first i only think of it as a bunch of words. a few phrases. and in the end i've found whole beautiful truths. today i think may be the first time that i didn't feel afraid during sacrament when i thought of my lesson. doubts would flit across my mind but i didn't give them a home.
sacrament meeting was so good. the songs were good. we got to sing i know that my redeemer lives. it feels like a treat to sing that song and the sacrament hymn was there is a green hill far away which has a special spot in my heart. and i just really felt the spirit during the sacrament and the testimonies afterwards. i felt enveloped in it and so so so good and whole and clean. such a difference from the darkness of the day before. i sat with my arms wrapped around myself secure and happy and drank in the goodness of worship.
my lesson went alright. i started off with the story of eustace from one of the narnia stories. when he becomes a dragon and later how he sheds the dragon skin with the help of aslan. and we talked about putting off the old man and putting on bowels of mercies and kindness and ....etc found in colossians 3. when we talked about kindness i told a story about katie. the time we went on the sister's bike hike and how selfless and quietly helpful she was. how on the day we went back and i was pulling the trailer and there wasn't even a big hill but just a gradual incline, but i was so tired and exhausted and wondered how i could keep going and how she stayed behind with me and would give the trailer a push every couple of pedals. and that little push gave me enough rest and encouragement to keep going. just her being kind enough to stay with me and help me and talk to me cheerfully meant a lot to me. katie is a very special sister. she was my first friend in the world and i think i was so lucky to grow up so close with her. what a really big blessing heavenly father gave me. there were a few years after our missions that we weren't that close. what a waste that was. i'm so grateful for each person in our family. each one is such goodness to me. brother stancliff talked about the influence of his older brothers and sister on him, today in testimony meeting. he made the point that we don't know how our example will effect other people. that's really true.
sister wolfgram, my favourite rs teacher, gave the lesson today on president faust's forgiveness talk. of course it was really good. good is my adjective for today. i've always thought of myself as a forgiving person. but when she was talking about not continuing to talk about what someone's done to you or said about you and reliving it again and again, like "do you know what he said???" etc, then i realized that i had some forgiving to do. it surprised me.
at 4:15 we had our break the fast potluck put on by the elder's quorum but then there was also the first choir practice for christmas and i knew not many people would go to choir during the potluck, so i decided to go support it. i've been wanting to go to choir for a while. it's good i did go, because only 3 others showed up, one being the director's husband and the other two their friends. we only had practice for like fifteen minutes.
then i joined my friends at the potluck.
then we came home. i love sundays.
the end.
i went to the pumpkin patch yesterday and we also went looking for the flooded cranberry fields and we found some but they weren't flooded yet. the cloud of discontent was always waiting for me at home. i tried to work on my lesson, i tried to sleep. i was irritable and grumpy but was trying not to be. meanwhile elicia was being a homemaker extraordinaire. she made a chocolate fudge cake, made batches of carrot juice and cabbage-celery juice and some rye bread. she baked the pumpkin seeds and brought me some when i was trying to nap. i told her i was totally bored. she suggested i paint. she even offered me a little canvass. wow, that's a good idea!, i thought with some hope. so i got out my paints and set myself up at the computer. i already had a picture i wanted to paint. it was the wild dandelion pic i put up here a while ago.
well it didn't turn out well. in fact it turned out full out WRONG. i needed a really little brush that could do detail, and none of the brushes i had were working and the colours were being difficult. i find the most difficult colour to make is purple. am i alone here? purple is my painting bane. and what happened eventually was that i somehow began to smudge everything together and somehow the canvass became one solid mass of smeared paint. it's drying now.
i went back to my bed where archie and izzy had been sleeping all day in cutecoziness, climbed in and began to read a book. the book was not very happy so that didn't help. heather phoned to see if we were going to chandra's birthday party. i felt so negative and full of loathsomeness. i didn't want to go, but i didn't want to stay at home either. i told her through elicia who was the one actually on the phone that i would probably go. what does that mean she asked me back through elicia. i felt irritated. probably means just that! tell her if she doesn't know what probably means to look it up in the dictionary said my irritable smart mouth. is she in one of her moods she asked elicia. yes it would seem that i was.
but we went because i knew it would help me feel better. gary and letitia were already there along with randy and heather and chandra's school chum, erin who once interviewed me for a paper she was doing. heather was dressed up like hermione, her halloween costume this year. she loves her costume so much she wants to wear it everywhere. there's something cute about that. nikki came later and chandra's sister and pete, matt and pat and barb. i didn't get a chance to talk with barb much. this has been happening in social situations lately and it's not right. it's just not right. it was nice to see nikki though. i haven't seen her in so long. nikki, matt, elicia, heather, letitia and i ended up playing dice. i had a nice streak of good luck and then it all stopped. however, matt who started slow ended up winning. chandra's cat had a lampshade on and so got lots of sympathy and ridicule. i accidentally let it out and pat told on me. i was on my way to confess. i felt bad because i was sitting by the sliding glass door and true to form i got super hot in my neck area as i always do WITHOUT FAIL at every party i've ever been to in my entire life. and i was opening it on occasion to cool of my furnace neck and chandra asked me to shut the screen to keep the cats inside. which i totally did do. but then i opened the door again just by sliding it with my back (it's a talent) and i must of simultaneously opened the screen too, which i didn't know until i felt the swish of a cat's tail go by me out the door.
we left around ten. i knew it was ten from the humongous clock on the wall. as soon as i thought about going home the negativity shrouded me again. pity party city. i wondered how i'd teach my lesson with this attitude bogging me down. i didn't even feel like going to church.
this morning i woke up with a vague feeling that i'd done something wrong. it took a while to straighten things out. then i had a really good lesson planning time. it was so good. the study time is always so full of things and insights and scriptures that i have no time to even give in class. it's all just goodness for me. this is all one reason that this calling is such a blessing for me. it forces me to get back on track, to try and be worthy of the spirit and to delve into the scriptures. it so surprising at how much is there to be found. treasures and light and goodness. and at first i only think of it as a bunch of words. a few phrases. and in the end i've found whole beautiful truths. today i think may be the first time that i didn't feel afraid during sacrament when i thought of my lesson. doubts would flit across my mind but i didn't give them a home.
sacrament meeting was so good. the songs were good. we got to sing i know that my redeemer lives. it feels like a treat to sing that song and the sacrament hymn was there is a green hill far away which has a special spot in my heart. and i just really felt the spirit during the sacrament and the testimonies afterwards. i felt enveloped in it and so so so good and whole and clean. such a difference from the darkness of the day before. i sat with my arms wrapped around myself secure and happy and drank in the goodness of worship.
my lesson went alright. i started off with the story of eustace from one of the narnia stories. when he becomes a dragon and later how he sheds the dragon skin with the help of aslan. and we talked about putting off the old man and putting on bowels of mercies and kindness and ....etc found in colossians 3. when we talked about kindness i told a story about katie. the time we went on the sister's bike hike and how selfless and quietly helpful she was. how on the day we went back and i was pulling the trailer and there wasn't even a big hill but just a gradual incline, but i was so tired and exhausted and wondered how i could keep going and how she stayed behind with me and would give the trailer a push every couple of pedals. and that little push gave me enough rest and encouragement to keep going. just her being kind enough to stay with me and help me and talk to me cheerfully meant a lot to me. katie is a very special sister. she was my first friend in the world and i think i was so lucky to grow up so close with her. what a really big blessing heavenly father gave me. there were a few years after our missions that we weren't that close. what a waste that was. i'm so grateful for each person in our family. each one is such goodness to me. brother stancliff talked about the influence of his older brothers and sister on him, today in testimony meeting. he made the point that we don't know how our example will effect other people. that's really true.
sister wolfgram, my favourite rs teacher, gave the lesson today on president faust's forgiveness talk. of course it was really good. good is my adjective for today. i've always thought of myself as a forgiving person. but when she was talking about not continuing to talk about what someone's done to you or said about you and reliving it again and again, like "do you know what he said???" etc, then i realized that i had some forgiving to do. it surprised me.
at 4:15 we had our break the fast potluck put on by the elder's quorum but then there was also the first choir practice for christmas and i knew not many people would go to choir during the potluck, so i decided to go support it. i've been wanting to go to choir for a while. it's good i did go, because only 3 others showed up, one being the director's husband and the other two their friends. we only had practice for like fifteen minutes.
then i joined my friends at the potluck.
then we came home. i love sundays.
the end.
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