i've finally broken down. i've given in. i'm not holding out anymore. i'm doing it. i'm making the beefsteak tomato tart with asiago cheese and thyme. it's a recipe i found in an oprah magazine that i bought. last saturday i bought the ingredients and all week i thought about making it. today i do it. well part of it anyways. the dough has to be in the fridge for one hour, then after you roll it out it has to sit for half an hour... yadda yadda, so the whole tart might not be done until tomorrow. still. it is journeying from dream to reality. it is in transition.

in the meantime...

so it's been quite a week. a week of late late late nights. the late nights bit me with their sharp cruel fangs on thursday. by the end of the work day, i could not hide it any longer. anyone who looked at me could tell that i was wasted beyond the telling of words. i slept for two and a half hours upon arriving at my place of residnence, only pausing to exchange news with elicia who had been camping with her class. elicia woke me at seven after two and a half hours of sleep. "but," my body groaned to me, "my eyes feel the same, my head feels the same, my limbs feel the same. let me sleep!" i didn't argue. i just crawled out of the bed and sat in a week and miserable lump on my computer chair. slowly, slowly i began to feel somewhat similar to a human being. watching survivor helped. i've noticed that survivor days aren't what they used to be. no one lingers. as soon as it's over randy and heather jump up and take off. i remember the days when we had a house full of visitors. when we enjoyed ourselves more. visited more. times change i guess.

i just made a pig face at elicia and she didn't notice.

the fact is i knew about ryan adams before her but now that she knows about him, she's trying to introduce me to him. well i already know!

archie is sitting on a corner of red betty looking cute, intelligent, soft and fuzzy at the same time.

today the rains came. a real fall rain. i didn't mind it.

today i made someone cry at work. i think this may be my first time. what i did was i told her not to pull things out of the garbage. she has this habit of looking in the garbages at the thrift store to bring to her church for the poor people. later things were better though. i found out she was stressed about somethings at home. "that's why i'm so sensitive." she said.