can i get an amen!
i've had kind of a bad week. i mean nothing super horrible has happened. i just felt tired and uninspired and deadened-dull. i wasn't motivated to work on any of my goals. i ate badly and didnt' get enough sleep. i was violently stagnant if there can be such a thing and if you can imagine it. and it was bugging me, eating away at my insides.
today was elicia's school's end of the year concert and grade 7 graduation. elicia has been enthusiastically looking forward to it and invited me and re-invited me a number of times. i said i would go. but i was tired today (as ususal) and even though i wanted to see her kids a part of me wanted to be a lump on the couch too.
but i went. i parked at home hardware and i sat in the pews on the side angle so that i was looking at the kids over the drum set. the primary kids were soooo cute. there was one enthusiastic loud little boy who was totally off key and often a beat or two before the rest of the kids. he made everyone laugh. the primaries sang three songs, two of which elicia has been singing at home for months. we got to join in the last chorus for yellow submarine, so that was fun. then it was grade 7 grad before the intermission. i thought it this part was going to be long and boring. earlier when she was explaining how the night would go, elicia was appologetic that i had to sit through it. however i soon realized that this was going to be the best part. the two intermediate teachers called each girl (they were wearing graduation robes) one by one to the mic and each teacher took a turn praising that girl and describing her strengths and thanking her for the gifts she shared. i was so unexpectedly touched. i don't even know anything about those girls but i was so touched by the way the teachers knew each child and the way they talked about them was so respectful and loving and it built them up and then each girl gave a speech, in turn thanking their teachers for the gifts they shared with them as well as the year highlights, what that school meant to them and so on. it was beautiful to me and i cried the whole way through and had a hard time keeping it together. i wanted to cry hard and i thought "you're crazy laura. you're a single, childless stranger and you are crying over these children and these teachers." but i can't help it. it was goodness to me. to be 12 and 13 and to have that kind of nurturing in a time when things can be confusing and scary and many girls start to despise themselves and their bodies, was a precious thing i thought.
there is so much goodness to give each other that we too often hold back i think. no one is holding back the bad of the world though. we all deal with negativity and petty unkindness every day and sometimes we are the ones who are the perpatrators. that is the wickedness that i want rooted from my breast. why not love more often and more openly? i think in this way we really do hide our candles under bushels. we each have such power within us to bless other people's lives and to do good things.
i wish i always had this perspective.
today was elicia's school's end of the year concert and grade 7 graduation. elicia has been enthusiastically looking forward to it and invited me and re-invited me a number of times. i said i would go. but i was tired today (as ususal) and even though i wanted to see her kids a part of me wanted to be a lump on the couch too.
but i went. i parked at home hardware and i sat in the pews on the side angle so that i was looking at the kids over the drum set. the primary kids were soooo cute. there was one enthusiastic loud little boy who was totally off key and often a beat or two before the rest of the kids. he made everyone laugh. the primaries sang three songs, two of which elicia has been singing at home for months. we got to join in the last chorus for yellow submarine, so that was fun. then it was grade 7 grad before the intermission. i thought it this part was going to be long and boring. earlier when she was explaining how the night would go, elicia was appologetic that i had to sit through it. however i soon realized that this was going to be the best part. the two intermediate teachers called each girl (they were wearing graduation robes) one by one to the mic and each teacher took a turn praising that girl and describing her strengths and thanking her for the gifts she shared. i was so unexpectedly touched. i don't even know anything about those girls but i was so touched by the way the teachers knew each child and the way they talked about them was so respectful and loving and it built them up and then each girl gave a speech, in turn thanking their teachers for the gifts they shared with them as well as the year highlights, what that school meant to them and so on. it was beautiful to me and i cried the whole way through and had a hard time keeping it together. i wanted to cry hard and i thought "you're crazy laura. you're a single, childless stranger and you are crying over these children and these teachers." but i can't help it. it was goodness to me. to be 12 and 13 and to have that kind of nurturing in a time when things can be confusing and scary and many girls start to despise themselves and their bodies, was a precious thing i thought.
there is so much goodness to give each other that we too often hold back i think. no one is holding back the bad of the world though. we all deal with negativity and petty unkindness every day and sometimes we are the ones who are the perpatrators. that is the wickedness that i want rooted from my breast. why not love more often and more openly? i think in this way we really do hide our candles under bushels. we each have such power within us to bless other people's lives and to do good things.
i wish i always had this perspective.
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