when it rains it pours, eh?
i've been in a rut. in a big deep rut. a rut of nothingness, of stangnancy, of numbness. i hate ruts. i don't know why i allow myself to dig down into a rut and spin my wheels. the whole time i'm in a rut i have a burning to get out but i squelch it with the stagnant cess pool waters. "oh dad, don't be so dramatic!" says amy to her dad as they fly the geese south. maybe it was the after holiday blues, maybe it's inexplicable. ruts are interesting. like how do you climb out of a rut? sometimes the burning flames into a fire in the peat moss, if you will, and you are propelled to action, to do anything to stop feeling that way. and sometimes life and events just pluck you out. with me it was a combination of the peat moss fires and life events. amy's visit was probably the culminating plucking event.
i worked friday night. our activity was called "design your own t-shirt". i thought it sounded kind of lame and i thought that i wouldn't have much participation. i pictured everyone showing up for dinner and then leaving. because i was in a rut, i didn't do much all the day i was at home. and i left getting ready until just before i should leave. when you're in a rut sometimes it's only the last minute pressures that can move you to action. and so i sped off to michael's to buy the t-shirt stuff with hardly any time to spare. when i saw the iron ons i knew i had to have them. but i didn't have an iron with me, so i bought them and some paints and some felts and rushed back over the bridge, grabbed my iron, and rushed back over the other bridge, arriving just in time for work. i was supposed to renew the insurance for my car too. it was the last day, and i had left it to the last day because of my rut sensibilities.
anyways the t-shirt activity turned out to be popular. people went crazy over the iron ons. i can't blame them because iron ons are fun. they're fun after you figure them out. at first maureen and i did not know what we were doing and could not figure it out and everyone kept bugging me, and asking me questions and pointing out dumb things and it was putting me over the edge. after i either snapped or growled at jade, i think it was a growl, she said "aah, laura's grouchy today." in a sing song voice. grrrr... but then we figured it out and i was able to answer everyone's burning questions and help people the way they wanted to be helped and do my own shirt besides and maureen and i were both in a better mood. the ironing however continued right up until nine oh clock because some people (ie. BERYL) had a bilion and one things to iron on.
i was tired but happy when i returned home. hard work can be very refreshing to someone who is in a rut. the apartment was filled with the fragrance of freshly popped corn that elicia was snack attacking on. i was just contemplating some popcorn of my own and then amy called. i had talked to her on msn earlier and we decided that she should come visit. so she called to say which ferry she was coming on and then elicia and i watched bend it like beckham. elicia picked that movie and so i committed her to watch it all the way through to the end, because she's like that. she'll leave and go fumfer somewhere else and come back and then go to bed, and i'm left watching the movie she picked. near the end of the movie she was complaining because she was falling asleep but i made her stick to her promise and watch to the bitter end. and she did. and we were both so tired, i just fell into my bed and slept while i was waiting the eternities it takes elicia in the bathroom.
saturday morning was beautiful and i got up with a song in my heart. a song in the heart upon waking is a good sign that your rut days are over, but i didn't think about this then. i fed the cats and got dressed. i wore my jean capris with the tassle zipper on the bum and my pale pink t-shirt which sports a rooster on it, over a white t-shirt. i lightly applied some golden pink shadow and mascara on the top lashes. i fluffed out my bed head. and i walked out the door.
now in my eyes my car was not currently insured. in my eyes the insurance had run out the day before. so i drove to the ferries with some trepidition, thinking of the tragic time katie got in an accident the day dad's car ran out of insurance. thinking that i already had more debt than i could handle and how if i got into an accident the only way i could handle it would be to spontaneously combust. but i didn't get into an accident and i was early despite driving the exact speed limit in my over caution to avoid spontaneous combustion. "whew, well that's half over." i told myself as the wind whipped my hair in my eyes outside the terminal. i went in and found myself a sunny spot. a man kitty corner to me was reading the paper. another man was standing by the vending machine. just then a voice came over the p.a. "will the white car that just joined the end of line 38 please go to line 36. that is not your lane. please go to lane 36." and she repeated herself a couple of times. the vending machine man's eyes met mine. we shared a mutual smirk. i sat for a while and spied the newspaper man again. unremarkable. but my eyes traveled from him to the seats across from him, slathered in messy piles of disassembled papers. instantly a neon sign in my head lit up. it said "crossword puzzles". afer a minute or two of pretending that my dearest wish was not to snatch some moments with the crossword puzzles i mosied on over and low and behold, wonder of wonders, (miracles of miracles, god took a taylor by the hand...) there on the top of the pile was the page with the soft underbelly of a crossword exposed. my charade over, my cover blown, the ruse difussed, if you will, i snatched it and ran. there was not currently a pen in my purse. i made for my car. once inside with the wind shut out and only the crossword and me alone at last, i sighed a sigh of bliss and settled in. i didn't know much but that didn't dampen my desire for the crossword. i lost myself in the clues, in the across and down of it all.
and then there was a knock on my window. it was amy and i unlocked the door and she opened it and was about to get in when someone behind her pointed out her escapee shoe and a boy who turned out to be the hateful tyler eater of the macaroons, gave it back to her and said "hi amy's sister!" before walking on past my windshield across the crosswalk and on to who cares where with my macaroons in his odious stomach.
i worked friday night. our activity was called "design your own t-shirt". i thought it sounded kind of lame and i thought that i wouldn't have much participation. i pictured everyone showing up for dinner and then leaving. because i was in a rut, i didn't do much all the day i was at home. and i left getting ready until just before i should leave. when you're in a rut sometimes it's only the last minute pressures that can move you to action. and so i sped off to michael's to buy the t-shirt stuff with hardly any time to spare. when i saw the iron ons i knew i had to have them. but i didn't have an iron with me, so i bought them and some paints and some felts and rushed back over the bridge, grabbed my iron, and rushed back over the other bridge, arriving just in time for work. i was supposed to renew the insurance for my car too. it was the last day, and i had left it to the last day because of my rut sensibilities.
anyways the t-shirt activity turned out to be popular. people went crazy over the iron ons. i can't blame them because iron ons are fun. they're fun after you figure them out. at first maureen and i did not know what we were doing and could not figure it out and everyone kept bugging me, and asking me questions and pointing out dumb things and it was putting me over the edge. after i either snapped or growled at jade, i think it was a growl, she said "aah, laura's grouchy today." in a sing song voice. grrrr... but then we figured it out and i was able to answer everyone's burning questions and help people the way they wanted to be helped and do my own shirt besides and maureen and i were both in a better mood. the ironing however continued right up until nine oh clock because some people (ie. BERYL) had a bilion and one things to iron on.
i was tired but happy when i returned home. hard work can be very refreshing to someone who is in a rut. the apartment was filled with the fragrance of freshly popped corn that elicia was snack attacking on. i was just contemplating some popcorn of my own and then amy called. i had talked to her on msn earlier and we decided that she should come visit. so she called to say which ferry she was coming on and then elicia and i watched bend it like beckham. elicia picked that movie and so i committed her to watch it all the way through to the end, because she's like that. she'll leave and go fumfer somewhere else and come back and then go to bed, and i'm left watching the movie she picked. near the end of the movie she was complaining because she was falling asleep but i made her stick to her promise and watch to the bitter end. and she did. and we were both so tired, i just fell into my bed and slept while i was waiting the eternities it takes elicia in the bathroom.
saturday morning was beautiful and i got up with a song in my heart. a song in the heart upon waking is a good sign that your rut days are over, but i didn't think about this then. i fed the cats and got dressed. i wore my jean capris with the tassle zipper on the bum and my pale pink t-shirt which sports a rooster on it, over a white t-shirt. i lightly applied some golden pink shadow and mascara on the top lashes. i fluffed out my bed head. and i walked out the door.
now in my eyes my car was not currently insured. in my eyes the insurance had run out the day before. so i drove to the ferries with some trepidition, thinking of the tragic time katie got in an accident the day dad's car ran out of insurance. thinking that i already had more debt than i could handle and how if i got into an accident the only way i could handle it would be to spontaneously combust. but i didn't get into an accident and i was early despite driving the exact speed limit in my over caution to avoid spontaneous combustion. "whew, well that's half over." i told myself as the wind whipped my hair in my eyes outside the terminal. i went in and found myself a sunny spot. a man kitty corner to me was reading the paper. another man was standing by the vending machine. just then a voice came over the p.a. "will the white car that just joined the end of line 38 please go to line 36. that is not your lane. please go to lane 36." and she repeated herself a couple of times. the vending machine man's eyes met mine. we shared a mutual smirk. i sat for a while and spied the newspaper man again. unremarkable. but my eyes traveled from him to the seats across from him, slathered in messy piles of disassembled papers. instantly a neon sign in my head lit up. it said "crossword puzzles". afer a minute or two of pretending that my dearest wish was not to snatch some moments with the crossword puzzles i mosied on over and low and behold, wonder of wonders, (miracles of miracles, god took a taylor by the hand...) there on the top of the pile was the page with the soft underbelly of a crossword exposed. my charade over, my cover blown, the ruse difussed, if you will, i snatched it and ran. there was not currently a pen in my purse. i made for my car. once inside with the wind shut out and only the crossword and me alone at last, i sighed a sigh of bliss and settled in. i didn't know much but that didn't dampen my desire for the crossword. i lost myself in the clues, in the across and down of it all.
and then there was a knock on my window. it was amy and i unlocked the door and she opened it and was about to get in when someone behind her pointed out her escapee shoe and a boy who turned out to be the hateful tyler eater of the macaroons, gave it back to her and said "hi amy's sister!" before walking on past my windshield across the crosswalk and on to who cares where with my macaroons in his odious stomach.
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