my favourite utensil--a spoon
my favourite dish--a bowl
i like curves.
last night mohammed gave me a dried apricot. his wife, salma, shooed him away saying they were hers. she said they were hard and you had to soften them. he went to put them away but when he walked past us on his way back he was nibbling on one and he handed me another.
i had a lovely bath today with bing crosby. he made the best most fragrent bubbles ever. and i read a book on communication in the bath. reading in the bath makes a bath worthwhile. otherwise you're just laying there with your rolls trying to make sure every body part gets some time under the water. thinking, i wish this was a bigger tub. one i could totally lay down in. or be totally submerged in. anyways, my book was about difficult conversations. i read about how assumptions about the other person's intent is bad. also clarifying your intent does not erase the impact on the other person. that reminded me of some past conversations. like ones with karey where she explained she thought i was being this way and i explained that it was not what i meant, and we never got anywhere. well that explains that, i thought. also blame is not a useful way of looking at things. you need to explore contribution. i told elicia that blame was useless when we were both in the kitchen, me making buns and her, a salad and veggie juice. "well why are you blaming me for losing the quarter cup?" she challenged. "well you did lose it." "how do you know?" "because you were the one who threw away the bag." "but you just said you shouldn't blame." "ya, but i haven't gotten to the 'how' yet." i thought in my head. i was going to tell her about contribution but by then the juicer was juicing and then i forgot about it.
i wonder why it feels so good to clean. and if it feels so good, why do i put it off and let it eat at me?
i missed thursday's picture of the day. and i feel bad about it. it's a lost day never to be recaptured. friday's picture isn't the greatest either. i technically took it at 3am on saturday but to me and for these purposes a day is a day and then you sleep and that's a new day. and today's picture isn't anything to write home about, but i guess that's the challenge of taking a picture every day for 365 days. some days you're up to the challenge and other days you just do something to have it done. i think my new hobbie is really changing my life.
fatima says i'm so serious about it. she said "i've read your blog." like she's saying she knows what's what. she has the 411. she probably thinks she's created a monster. i will admitt that i become immersed. that i see lost opportunities of pictures everywhere. it's like seeing tetris pieces fall into place in the scenery outside the car window, or on the page of a book, but it's way better than that because the tetris thing makes me feel like a loser and the picture thing makes me think and look and stop sometimes to try new things.
i was trying to convince her to let me have a photo shoot of her(i'm jumping back to fatima, keep up pal). i love taking her picture. katie was the first one i loved to shoot. i used to follow her and take clicks left right and centre. can you believe that katie didn't want her awesome eye photographed?? katie of the awesome eye.
i remember once i was happily going around gathering siblings and taking their pictures, having photo shoots and mom said something to me. i don't remember her exact words but she said something like that was the way i nurtured my siblings and loved them made them feel special. maybe. i do love spending that kind of time with my sibs.
i brewed lavender tea today. it was good.
i've decided to stop starving the kids/cats.
i went to sleep around three thirty and archie was poking his wet nose at me two hours later and then at nine i had to get up to go on a run with heather. it was a hard run but a good run. when i run these are the things i concentrate on: 1. breath out breath in breath out with your diaphram breath in. 2. relax your shoulders. 3. make it to that tree, or that car, or around that bend. 4. look straight ahead and resign yourself to running. running is your current state. 5. how much time is left. what time until the next running or walking...
i feel really clean and quiet inside like i feel after i've been swimming.
i made jordan's guacamole and shared it with heather and elicia. we watched abandoned on elicia's new dvd player. it's a psychological thriller. i should have payed more attention to the title.
i bought a book of modern american poets from the thrift store. i've started reading it in a front to back like style. i like modern american poets.
Those Winter Sundays
by Robert Hayden
Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No on ever thanked him.
I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he'd call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chonic angers of that house,
Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices?
that's one i liked. i'm just saying is all. and here's another:
The Widow's Lament in Springtime
by William Carlos Williams
Sorrow is my own yard
where the new grass
flames as it has flamed
often before but not
with the cold fire
that closes round me this year.
Thirtyfive years
I lived with my husband.
The plumtree is white today
with masses of flowers.
Masses of flowers
load the cherry branches
anc color some bushes
yellow and some red
but the grief in my heart
is stronger than they
for though they were my joy
formerly, today I notice them
and turn away forgetting.
Today my son told me
that in the meadows,
at the edge of the heavy woods
in the distance, he saw
trees of white flowers.
I feel that I would like
to go there
and fall into those flowers
and sink into the marsh near them.
and last one:
Heat
by HD
O wind, red ope hte heat,
cutapart the heat,
rend it to tatters.
Fruit cannot drop
through this thick air--
that presses up and blunts
the points of pears
and rounds the grapes.
Cut the heat--
plow through it,
turning it on either side
of your path.
i wore bethany's button choker to work on friday. it made quite the impression. "thanks my sister made it for me." became my standard answer.
on thursday night jordan went all out and made us dinner. he made steak (chicken for elicia) and butternut squash (he is particularily passionate about butternut squash) and garlic bread. the fresh garlic turned green in the oven. i think tin foil makes it do that, but i can't prove it. all i can say is that it's happened to me before and tinfoil was involved. anyway we were too full for the guac, so jordan left it for us with two bags of tortilla chips, one lime scoopers and one the round bites. he is not hard to have around.
salma gave us a tiny mango to eat and fatima made me a plate of mosque food. mohammed brings it back on fridays. a food sale, he says. it's called pilau. that's how i spell it anyways, and it's very good. i ate it with a pickled green chile and then i kept touching my eye wich was the wrong thing to do.
we watched a classic indian movie. it was three hours and we weren't going to last fifteen minutes but somehow ended up watching it all. fatima and i agreed that we didn't like the ending. fatima put on her parka to walk me to my car and open the garage door for me. we hugged over my car door. we didn't have a lot of words at that time of night.
i think that this is all i'm going to say for now.
my favourite dish--a bowl
i like curves.
last night mohammed gave me a dried apricot. his wife, salma, shooed him away saying they were hers. she said they were hard and you had to soften them. he went to put them away but when he walked past us on his way back he was nibbling on one and he handed me another.
i had a lovely bath today with bing crosby. he made the best most fragrent bubbles ever. and i read a book on communication in the bath. reading in the bath makes a bath worthwhile. otherwise you're just laying there with your rolls trying to make sure every body part gets some time under the water. thinking, i wish this was a bigger tub. one i could totally lay down in. or be totally submerged in. anyways, my book was about difficult conversations. i read about how assumptions about the other person's intent is bad. also clarifying your intent does not erase the impact on the other person. that reminded me of some past conversations. like ones with karey where she explained she thought i was being this way and i explained that it was not what i meant, and we never got anywhere. well that explains that, i thought. also blame is not a useful way of looking at things. you need to explore contribution. i told elicia that blame was useless when we were both in the kitchen, me making buns and her, a salad and veggie juice. "well why are you blaming me for losing the quarter cup?" she challenged. "well you did lose it." "how do you know?" "because you were the one who threw away the bag." "but you just said you shouldn't blame." "ya, but i haven't gotten to the 'how' yet." i thought in my head. i was going to tell her about contribution but by then the juicer was juicing and then i forgot about it.
i wonder why it feels so good to clean. and if it feels so good, why do i put it off and let it eat at me?
i missed thursday's picture of the day. and i feel bad about it. it's a lost day never to be recaptured. friday's picture isn't the greatest either. i technically took it at 3am on saturday but to me and for these purposes a day is a day and then you sleep and that's a new day. and today's picture isn't anything to write home about, but i guess that's the challenge of taking a picture every day for 365 days. some days you're up to the challenge and other days you just do something to have it done. i think my new hobbie is really changing my life.
fatima says i'm so serious about it. she said "i've read your blog." like she's saying she knows what's what. she has the 411. she probably thinks she's created a monster. i will admitt that i become immersed. that i see lost opportunities of pictures everywhere. it's like seeing tetris pieces fall into place in the scenery outside the car window, or on the page of a book, but it's way better than that because the tetris thing makes me feel like a loser and the picture thing makes me think and look and stop sometimes to try new things.
i was trying to convince her to let me have a photo shoot of her(i'm jumping back to fatima, keep up pal). i love taking her picture. katie was the first one i loved to shoot. i used to follow her and take clicks left right and centre. can you believe that katie didn't want her awesome eye photographed?? katie of the awesome eye.
i remember once i was happily going around gathering siblings and taking their pictures, having photo shoots and mom said something to me. i don't remember her exact words but she said something like that was the way i nurtured my siblings and loved them made them feel special. maybe. i do love spending that kind of time with my sibs.
i brewed lavender tea today. it was good.
i've decided to stop starving the kids/cats.
i went to sleep around three thirty and archie was poking his wet nose at me two hours later and then at nine i had to get up to go on a run with heather. it was a hard run but a good run. when i run these are the things i concentrate on: 1. breath out breath in breath out with your diaphram breath in. 2. relax your shoulders. 3. make it to that tree, or that car, or around that bend. 4. look straight ahead and resign yourself to running. running is your current state. 5. how much time is left. what time until the next running or walking...
i feel really clean and quiet inside like i feel after i've been swimming.
i made jordan's guacamole and shared it with heather and elicia. we watched abandoned on elicia's new dvd player. it's a psychological thriller. i should have payed more attention to the title.
i bought a book of modern american poets from the thrift store. i've started reading it in a front to back like style. i like modern american poets.
Those Winter Sundays
by Robert Hayden
Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No on ever thanked him.
I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he'd call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chonic angers of that house,
Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices?
that's one i liked. i'm just saying is all. and here's another:
The Widow's Lament in Springtime
by William Carlos Williams
Sorrow is my own yard
where the new grass
flames as it has flamed
often before but not
with the cold fire
that closes round me this year.
Thirtyfive years
I lived with my husband.
The plumtree is white today
with masses of flowers.
Masses of flowers
load the cherry branches
anc color some bushes
yellow and some red
but the grief in my heart
is stronger than they
for though they were my joy
formerly, today I notice them
and turn away forgetting.
Today my son told me
that in the meadows,
at the edge of the heavy woods
in the distance, he saw
trees of white flowers.
I feel that I would like
to go there
and fall into those flowers
and sink into the marsh near them.
and last one:
Heat
by HD
O wind, red ope hte heat,
cutapart the heat,
rend it to tatters.
Fruit cannot drop
through this thick air--
that presses up and blunts
the points of pears
and rounds the grapes.
Cut the heat--
plow through it,
turning it on either side
of your path.
i wore bethany's button choker to work on friday. it made quite the impression. "thanks my sister made it for me." became my standard answer.
on thursday night jordan went all out and made us dinner. he made steak (chicken for elicia) and butternut squash (he is particularily passionate about butternut squash) and garlic bread. the fresh garlic turned green in the oven. i think tin foil makes it do that, but i can't prove it. all i can say is that it's happened to me before and tinfoil was involved. anyway we were too full for the guac, so jordan left it for us with two bags of tortilla chips, one lime scoopers and one the round bites. he is not hard to have around.
salma gave us a tiny mango to eat and fatima made me a plate of mosque food. mohammed brings it back on fridays. a food sale, he says. it's called pilau. that's how i spell it anyways, and it's very good. i ate it with a pickled green chile and then i kept touching my eye wich was the wrong thing to do.
we watched a classic indian movie. it was three hours and we weren't going to last fifteen minutes but somehow ended up watching it all. fatima and i agreed that we didn't like the ending. fatima put on her parka to walk me to my car and open the garage door for me. we hugged over my car door. we didn't have a lot of words at that time of night.
i think that this is all i'm going to say for now.
Comments