it's funny how the Lord blesses me. i don't feel like i've been going over and beyond lately to build my spirituality or have comminication with heavenly father. my prayers have been short. i've been going to bed so tired and late that i sometimes just read one verse. throughout the week i've fallen short in so many ways and have entertained temptations repeatedly. today i didn't listen to any talks or read any spiritual books before church. i didn't sing any hymns or listen to church music. i did crossword puzzles and flipped through a magazine. but at church today i felt so sensitive to the spirit, i felt messages from heavenly father to me all around me. i felt filled and blessed and taught. i don't deserve this i thought to him. but he just loves me and chooses touch me when i need it because i asked for it, and not because i have great performance in all my duties. and i that's basically the answer i got. i don't like to go on about tender mercies because i'm prideful and everyone uses that phrase since elder bednar's talk. but my experience was tender and it was merciful. sister wolfgram who gave a powerful lesson said we should write them down when they happen so we'll remember them and have them when we need to remember them and gather strength from them. so i'm taking her advice. i feel grateful and i feel so small and insignificant in this universe, in my understanding, in the great plan, and i feel loved by the greatest most perfect giver of love.

speaking of love, i've been thinking of that verse in alma 38 or something that says "bridle all your passions that ye may be filled with love." i've wondered about that verse for a long time. i wondered how bridling your passions makes room for being filled with love. i didn't doubt it. i thought, well that's one of the things i have to do to be filled with love, but i didn't really understand what one had to do with another. you may be thinking that it's so obvious and you may have understood it all along. but we all have different blindnesses. today i was thinking about it seemed so simple. my passions are all about me. and of course by their nature passions take over everything. and love in juxtaposition, is all about selflessness and the other person and thinking about the other person and giving and caring and sacrifcing. and passions blind me to the loving actions i could be taking... well that's sort of my thought proccess. it's hard to put a perfect thought or idea or understanding and cloth it in mortal words.