and you shall be called "joyus." and thus it was.

i had a nap yesterday and so i didn't go to bed until two and so when i woke up today at seven i fed the kids and then peered at myself in the mirror. i was hoping to see something good. something to tell me to go back to sleep. i looked horrible. frizzy and tangly and flat headed. "i don't care if i look bad today. i'm going back to sleep." i told myself rebeliously.

one hour later i didn't feel that much more rested. and i still looked bad. i did my best damage control and i looked presentable but i looked back at myself in the mirror with a dour and grey expression. i plodded through the motions. meanwhile in my head this song was rolicking along "when mary holds your hand it feels so grand. your heart starts beating like a big brass band. oh it's a jolly holiday with mary! no wonder that it's mary that we love!" just goes to show that you never know what's going on inside people's heads.

you'll be glad to know i can now manage to crack my twisted fingie. but it still hurts a little bit when i do it.

i guess i was feeling a little down at church today. not myself, but my tired self. and so i felt like most of the spirit was bouncing off of my hard heart. and i didn't have my best singing voice either. but a few things did manage to squeeze in and touch me. some days that's the only battle i'll win. but i know tomorrow will be different.

there's hardly any time left until christmas and i feel so unprepared and uninspired gift wise. i may give a lot of things up and just be mostly bare bones this year. i don't want to feel so stressed out at christmas time that i don't allow the spirit of christmas to move and change and uplift me. otherwise what's the point?