i was driving back from the ferry and i was feeling a little sad, but it was the time of day just before the sun sets and it was so beautiful. i was this little person (comparitavely) in a little car in the grand 360 of amazing beauty. i don't know how to describe it. the pale blue and calm of the ocean meeting the white mist with the light shining on it with the deeper blue of the mountains above that. the mountains outlined in pale pink and gold and the sky a big wide open of pale blue. the golden fields, the way the light was, the way the mountains surround us. i sang where shall i turn for peace with the cd in my car. it gave me a pang, a thirst. i wish i prayed better, i wish i was more in tune. i wish God was more tangible. i wish instead of walking by faith i could walk by his literal side and he could comfort me with his all knowing and he could counsel me on what to do and he could teach me and give me peace and i know that these are all things that he and i can still do together, but sometimes i just feel so limited. i'm just not very good at it and i wish i was more powerful at rending the veil between me and him. but i guess that this is part of my mortality. this is where i learn how to reach him and be reached by him. this is where i find ways to communicate and to find him however i can and have the patience and endurance to live the veiled existance and i suppose that's how i'm supposed to learn and grow, but sometimes i just wish i could be with him for reals. just for a little while.