cycles of popularity

sarah called me last night because she had something to share with me. mom gave her some of her memory stuff and in the pile was some letters to me and a reply to her famous dramatic rebuke to me in the form of a note on the day i dared to go to Layne and Karen's instead of taking her to bead street. she was bitterly disappointed. she was akin to anne of green gables in her dispair. anyways her note amused me then and amused me now, but i never thought she would also save my reply. she read it to me. it was pretty good. as she was reading it to me i was thinking "i wrote that?" it reminded us of stuff we forgot. i forget so much these days. i used to feel quite superior about my memory but i've been in a humbled frame of mind about that for quite some time now. it's just plain to see that i forget things easily. i forget what i'm talking about mid sentence. completely lose my train of thought. i think it's because a new train bursts on the scene and i try to acknowledge it and put it on hold and come back to my thought, but then it's gone. anyways i digress as i often do as a matter of habit.

so sarah awakened a desire for old time letters in me so i went downstairs into the storage room off the laundry room and dug out the big book i keep all the family letters i received on my mission (except for mom's. she has her own yellow duotang) and started reading sarah some letters she sent me. they were pretty funny and she was embarrassed but i love them. she always refered to herself as "soccer girl" and updated me on her current grades in each subject and told me that she was going through a popular stage right now. she explained that she has these popular stages every once in a while. hahaha. once i get going on things like that i don't want to stop, but sarah had to go. i stayed in the backyard on the couch we put under the covered area (under my room) yesterday with a flash light and read letters. i've been reading letters in my spare time today too. last night i finnished sarah's and today i read dad's. i think people should write letters more. letters are an opportunity to tell someone that you love them. it just naturally happens in a letter to a loved one. i realized as i went through the letters that i had a lot of documentation of love sent my way. it was nice to read again that dad loved me and was proud of me and that i was in his prayers. it was nice to read his fatherly advice and his concern for me. i think i've always known that i belong to a wonderful slightly crazy and often frustrating but wonderful family that loves me. that i have a place there--a place of my own. but it's nice to hear it to read it to send that love back. as i was reading the letters i realized that i felt safe and secure. family is a safety, a haven. and it was a timely reminder for me. so i just wanted to say that and now it's said.