i've got emotional problems. whether i'm happy or sad or stressed or whatever i have a cry at the back of my throat. i've been this way for a good couple of weeks now. not sure what exactly it is. sometimes i'm the biggest mystery there is.

i've become obsessed with cats. i read about them and i search the internet for them all the time. maybe my new kitty will be the only baby this empty and barren wombed mother-heart will ever get to nurture.

been stressed out about a presentation i have to give for a conference i'm going to for work next week. i wasn't supposed to present but the presenter (dave deil!) backed out last minute. it's about building enthusiasm in the work ordered day. i've never even been to a conference and not only am i presenting but i'm chairing our workshop. oh boy. why do i get myself into these things?

i stuffed the stress and things down with a bunch of cookies today. they were peanutbutter and those double chocolate ones. i ate them doubled up.

soooooooo tired of having no clothes. most of my clothes are 3 years old and they're barely hanging in there. pretty soon i'll have none. NONE. then i'll need a new wardrobe all at once and will i have the money for it? NO. my runners squeak, my work out pants are so over washed because they're my only pair, so they're all pillie, and i wear raggedy tops with them. my only pants are three pairs of jeans that i don't like. i've got a couple of t-shirts and a couple of hoodies that i wear over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. i've got no church shoes. i've got no regular shoes. no spring/summer wear. and don't get me started on the under garments category. i'm tired of it. i'm tired of it all. sometimes i wish that i could just keep all the good things about me and be someone else when it comes to all the tiresome yuck things.

i have not practiced the attitude of gratitude today.