connecting on the coast II--i guess i warmed up to the topic, sorry guys
the next day i got more and more nervous about my workshop as the day went on. the day started with a plenary. i didn't really know what a plenary was but all these clubhouse buffs threw the word around like everyone should know it. basically we had a panel of speakers and everyone was there together unlike the workshops where you also have a panel of speakers but there are other choices during that hour and a half. members and staff from different clubhouses spoke. it was pretty good. i liked hearing recovery stories which was what a lot of members chose to speak about. sometimes i forget what my work is about. i get to thinking that people are right, all i do is i cook lunch for a bunch of people. this conference gave me a perspective change and reminded me of why i loved this job when i got it. during the plenary i started to feel the nerves more and more. i kept telling myself that it was just a workshop and even if i sucked it wasn't life or death. apparently i have quite the fear of failure and put too much weight of importance to the things that i have to do. i kept telling myself "who cares?! it's not life and death! big deal if you screw it up" i tried to believe myself but it wasn't that effective. i was going to go for a tour of the nanaimo clubhouse during the morning workshops, but i changed my mind mid plenary because it dawned on me that if i didn't see a workshop then, i'd be doing mine without ever having seen someone else do one, so i decided to stay for sue's (she's been to tonnes of conferences and has been a part of clubhouses for 15 years or something. she's also a faculty member of the iccd which means she goes to other clubhouses and evaluates them for accreditation). i'm glad i did too because it was just good to see a workshop being done and the kinds of things you say and so on. i also went up to look at the room my workshop was going to be in (called he cambridge room). it was way smaller than the opera room and i felt good about that. while i was there i met julie who was doing the workshop there at that time and told her i was nervous about chairing the workshop and she was all "oh that's no problem. and talked me through it." she made me feel somewhat better. i decided then and there that i wasn't going to worry about chairing too much. i had enough worrying when it came to giving my presentation, and if no one had any comments or discussion at the end--oh well.
lunch was these really good sandwiches in buns. it was a pleasant surprise because i thought they looked blah. but i had one with chicken salad and they used spicey chicken (real breast, not from a can) and it was mmmmm good! we had an hour after lunch before the next plenary and then my workshop. i went back to my room and i was going to snooze, but once i got back into my room my nerves rose considerably. i decided to give a pretend presentation to myself in the mirror. it didn't go well. i was awkward and nothing flowed. it seemed really really stiff. oh boy, i thought. i am NOT ready. i was starting to panic. i had already prayed for help and for peace and calm. i looked around the room. what could i do to calm myself down? i knew i was definitely not going to give a good presentation if i was a basket case of nerves. you need to be confident and enthusiastic to give a workshop about enthusiasm. my eyes rested on my scriptures and i decided to give them a try. as soon as i started reading my nerves eased i felt a peace come over me. i was able to have faith that heavenly father would help me. and with that new strength inside me i went down for the second plenary which was quite good. this guy from toronto which me and lisa m had a crush on gave a very good speech--funny and sincere.
i went straight up to the cambridge room. the room started filling up and it seemed like none of the other presenters were coming. finally i couldn't stand it and went out into the hall to wait for them. they all took their sweet time, but eventually they mosied in. carmen promised to hold up my props for me. i told her to be creative and do whatever she wanted. the room was soo full that some people were standing in the back. i was glad to see my boss dave macdonald in the room. i wasn't sure if he would come to mine. i got a lot of support from my clubhouse. i think most people came to mine and their support made me feel good. so i wasn't feeling so nervous anymore i was feeling that confident feeling, like i've done this kind of thing before and i can do it now. i stood up and told them what workshop they were in and made a joke about if they were in the wrong workshop. that was my first laugh. i introduced everyone but i forgot the name of the clubhouse that the calgary presenters were from. but they filled it in and that was fine. mark, a member from my clubhouse was first and then me and then the other two. mark's was quite short but it went really well and everyone laughed at lots of parts. he surprised me by asking me to read a part of his. he has some speech problems and i guess he was worried about the delivery of that paragraph, but at the end of it everyone clapped. mark finished his off and everyone clapped again. i was really proud of him because i don't think he thought it was very good and it was a good moment for him.
so then it was my turn. i chose to stand up at the podium for my presentation. i stood there looking out at the audience and let out a sigh. i tend to sigh when i need to release stress. i did it without thinking but it worked well with the beginning of my speech. i said in a monotone voice that i was talking about enthusiasm in the work ordered day (that's clubhouse terminology) then i started talking about all the work i had to do and how sometimes that was all i could see and that i didn't feel very enthusiastic about it. i kind of went on about it a bit and then went in to my ideas for enthusiasm and stories and personal experiences to go with each topic. carmen was really good at showing my visuals. she even went out into the crowd with them and pestered people with them. i called her vanna white. people laughed a lot more than i thought they would. there was a lot of laughing and i was annimated and things flowed the way i prayed they would. it was good and it was such a relief. it was actually enjoyable while i was up there. it was just the build up that wasn't too enjoyable. when i was done i sat down and felt good. the other two speakers did their thing. they had some good things to say but weren't that animated. it was a big difference between them and us. afterwards there wasn't much discussion but the room was sooooooooooooooooooooooo hot that i let everyone out early and as it was the last thing of the day before the big dinner and dance they were all gratefull. afterwards i became famous for the big sigh and monotone voice about my topic. this one lady said she was really scared about where i was heading. haha.
that night was the big dinner. i had to be dressed up all day because of my presentation but i had to change into a different outfit for the dinner. i wore my green polkadot skirt. we sat at the table with dave m. and joel our speacial guest. he's the executive director of the iccd in new york. he's the head honcho. they were engrossed in conversation with each other and didn't speak to us much at all. we didn't mind. the dinner was super good. tender roast beef (i asked for the spicy end parts and got em) and salmon with this nutty stuff on top. good stuff, good stuff. there was a band called wunderbread. they're a disco band and evan told me that they play in all the bars. they were pretty good. the base guitarist was wearing high heels.
it was a long night. i danced a little, went from table, to outside (it was again a boiling bath in the opera room) with the smokers (lisa m. smokes) and out in the lobbey with different people. and up in the party room. at one point mark bought me and the girls drinks. he brought me a beer. he didn't know that i didn't drink so that was ok, but i felt bad that he bought it. but then lisa who was getting tipsy asked me to try her drink. you'll like it she said. try it! try it! i think that's the first time anyone tried to get me to drink and i'm 32. all i said was "no way." and then they wanted to take a picture with me and two beers. they thought it would be funny. again i was like "no." it felt weird to me. but they didn't bug me anymore. finally we went to bed.
friday morning breakfast was later, thankfully. then we had the last plenary and it was all over. i gathered my complimentary mug and phoned mom collect for a ride. stood outside with my bountious luggage and said goodbye to everyone. mom came in a while and that is the end of the conference. thank you to those of you who didn't skip or skim. :)
ps. i forgot to say how i thought i lost my purse after breakfast on thursday morning! i panicked and looked under the table and in the food room and asked at the desk. i was desperate that i might have lost yet another purse. my last hope was that i left it in my room so i asked for another key and went to my room. sure enough there it was. sigh. relief. yippee!
lunch was these really good sandwiches in buns. it was a pleasant surprise because i thought they looked blah. but i had one with chicken salad and they used spicey chicken (real breast, not from a can) and it was mmmmm good! we had an hour after lunch before the next plenary and then my workshop. i went back to my room and i was going to snooze, but once i got back into my room my nerves rose considerably. i decided to give a pretend presentation to myself in the mirror. it didn't go well. i was awkward and nothing flowed. it seemed really really stiff. oh boy, i thought. i am NOT ready. i was starting to panic. i had already prayed for help and for peace and calm. i looked around the room. what could i do to calm myself down? i knew i was definitely not going to give a good presentation if i was a basket case of nerves. you need to be confident and enthusiastic to give a workshop about enthusiasm. my eyes rested on my scriptures and i decided to give them a try. as soon as i started reading my nerves eased i felt a peace come over me. i was able to have faith that heavenly father would help me. and with that new strength inside me i went down for the second plenary which was quite good. this guy from toronto which me and lisa m had a crush on gave a very good speech--funny and sincere.
i went straight up to the cambridge room. the room started filling up and it seemed like none of the other presenters were coming. finally i couldn't stand it and went out into the hall to wait for them. they all took their sweet time, but eventually they mosied in. carmen promised to hold up my props for me. i told her to be creative and do whatever she wanted. the room was soo full that some people were standing in the back. i was glad to see my boss dave macdonald in the room. i wasn't sure if he would come to mine. i got a lot of support from my clubhouse. i think most people came to mine and their support made me feel good. so i wasn't feeling so nervous anymore i was feeling that confident feeling, like i've done this kind of thing before and i can do it now. i stood up and told them what workshop they were in and made a joke about if they were in the wrong workshop. that was my first laugh. i introduced everyone but i forgot the name of the clubhouse that the calgary presenters were from. but they filled it in and that was fine. mark, a member from my clubhouse was first and then me and then the other two. mark's was quite short but it went really well and everyone laughed at lots of parts. he surprised me by asking me to read a part of his. he has some speech problems and i guess he was worried about the delivery of that paragraph, but at the end of it everyone clapped. mark finished his off and everyone clapped again. i was really proud of him because i don't think he thought it was very good and it was a good moment for him.
so then it was my turn. i chose to stand up at the podium for my presentation. i stood there looking out at the audience and let out a sigh. i tend to sigh when i need to release stress. i did it without thinking but it worked well with the beginning of my speech. i said in a monotone voice that i was talking about enthusiasm in the work ordered day (that's clubhouse terminology) then i started talking about all the work i had to do and how sometimes that was all i could see and that i didn't feel very enthusiastic about it. i kind of went on about it a bit and then went in to my ideas for enthusiasm and stories and personal experiences to go with each topic. carmen was really good at showing my visuals. she even went out into the crowd with them and pestered people with them. i called her vanna white. people laughed a lot more than i thought they would. there was a lot of laughing and i was annimated and things flowed the way i prayed they would. it was good and it was such a relief. it was actually enjoyable while i was up there. it was just the build up that wasn't too enjoyable. when i was done i sat down and felt good. the other two speakers did their thing. they had some good things to say but weren't that animated. it was a big difference between them and us. afterwards there wasn't much discussion but the room was sooooooooooooooooooooooo hot that i let everyone out early and as it was the last thing of the day before the big dinner and dance they were all gratefull. afterwards i became famous for the big sigh and monotone voice about my topic. this one lady said she was really scared about where i was heading. haha.
that night was the big dinner. i had to be dressed up all day because of my presentation but i had to change into a different outfit for the dinner. i wore my green polkadot skirt. we sat at the table with dave m. and joel our speacial guest. he's the executive director of the iccd in new york. he's the head honcho. they were engrossed in conversation with each other and didn't speak to us much at all. we didn't mind. the dinner was super good. tender roast beef (i asked for the spicy end parts and got em) and salmon with this nutty stuff on top. good stuff, good stuff. there was a band called wunderbread. they're a disco band and evan told me that they play in all the bars. they were pretty good. the base guitarist was wearing high heels.
it was a long night. i danced a little, went from table, to outside (it was again a boiling bath in the opera room) with the smokers (lisa m. smokes) and out in the lobbey with different people. and up in the party room. at one point mark bought me and the girls drinks. he brought me a beer. he didn't know that i didn't drink so that was ok, but i felt bad that he bought it. but then lisa who was getting tipsy asked me to try her drink. you'll like it she said. try it! try it! i think that's the first time anyone tried to get me to drink and i'm 32. all i said was "no way." and then they wanted to take a picture with me and two beers. they thought it would be funny. again i was like "no." it felt weird to me. but they didn't bug me anymore. finally we went to bed.
friday morning breakfast was later, thankfully. then we had the last plenary and it was all over. i gathered my complimentary mug and phoned mom collect for a ride. stood outside with my bountious luggage and said goodbye to everyone. mom came in a while and that is the end of the conference. thank you to those of you who didn't skip or skim. :)
ps. i forgot to say how i thought i lost my purse after breakfast on thursday morning! i panicked and looked under the table and in the food room and asked at the desk. i was desperate that i might have lost yet another purse. my last hope was that i left it in my room so i asked for another key and went to my room. sure enough there it was. sigh. relief. yippee!
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