low fat peanutbutter--2 dollars.

after work i felt full of energy. this is a rare occurance and happens usually on a monday if it ever happens. i got home got out the cook books and looked up some meals for the week. then i went grocery shopping at the ever busy superstore. it was raining sooo hard. a slanting big rain. i kind of enjoyed it. i realized once i got to the store that i forgot my careful list, but thanks to my grocery training at work i rememembered everything. i prided myself on how neatly i put my groceries on the belt at the cashier's. i mean i really did. i felt smug about it. thought people around would notice how organized i was. i thought the cashier would appreciate it when she was ringing things through. "this is a treat for her" i thought. hahahah. it's so funny now that i take some time to actually think about the thoughts i was having. in a way i think that ever since i was a little kid i've been waiting to be noticed. not necessarily be in the limelight, but be recognized for who i was and what i could offer. to be known. i see that same desire in cyril's eyes at the dances when he's dancing by himself in a really weird way, but right in front of you and he's looking at you from the corners of his eyes. he's waiting to be noticed.

anyways i came home, put away my groceries, and started baking an acorn squash as part of mine and elicia's vegetable exchange. i've since found out that there's not a lot of nutritional value in squash. bummer. i have another one to eat too. while that was baking i started on the black bean soup. it's still simmering upstairs. it has to simmer for up to 3 hours, 2 and a half if you're lucky. while that was simmering i made fresh salsa with cilantro. cilantro's delightful. in the middle of all that i stopped to read my book of healthy foods. i found all these vegetables that are good for arthritis. i'm going to tell mom. (i was just going to write 'my mom'). i would leave the soup in the crock pot over night, but i made too much. a mudsy feeling came over me and i decided to double it. no need since the recipe made six to eight servings and i'm only one person. but still, it's better to double. you all must know this. now i'll have black bean soup coming out my yingyang. at least jordan is coming tomorrow. i hope he likes it. i feel really proud about my salsa. i put it in a glass jar. it tastes good and looks pretty.

today i tried the impossible. i tried to recreate a good hair day. it never works but i always have hope. i should just accept that one day of a good hair do is to be appreciated for itself and then you let it go and move on to a new day of new hair days. no expectations. what i mean is that i left my bangs curly today too, but today i did not like it and yesterday and the day before i did. that's because it worked those days and today it did not. i should have known better.

sleep is fast becoming a must.