i'm full and fed and happy in the insides. what a great day at church. i've said it before and i'll say it again. i love fastsunday. i mean i love sundays but i really love fastsundays. today i feel blessed and peacefull and happy, just happy. there were some testimonies said today that were the exact thing that i needed to hear. funny how that happens. i don't know either of those people very well, but they felt in their hearts something that my heart needed to hear and so they blessed my life and strengthened me and they probably won't know it and it was just by experiencing their lives and learning and sharing that they did it. i don't know if i'm explaining it very well but i feel to marvel in the way that Heavenly Father has set it up for his children to touch each other and love each other in different ways. there's so much good to do in this world, to each other. it makes me want to be better, to love more perfectly. sunday is idealism and the week is realism--the every day struggle to be what you believe. it's much less golden but it's the fight and the trying again and experince with success and failures that inch us towards our ideal. i've learned so much about myself lately. there is so much that i never supposed. so much more i need to learn and do better at. it's funny that i ever was presumptuous enough to feel content and secure of the spot that i was at. i really can relate to jawn's post about discipline. i'm working on that too. i'm trying to be better with money, and eat better and exercise more, and get up and live my life, do my taxes, organize and beautify my space, serve my friends, study the scriptures more and better, make a difference at work, be a better visiting teacher, read all the good books and have less extravagence. it's really hard. anyways today i prayed that Heavenly Father would teach me what i needed to hear and noel gave a very touching testimony about how he learned he was never alone and it was a message to me, and loren talked about how this guy at work brought in a little email ancedote (yah, one of those cheesey ones) and it was about a guy who was giving a talk somewhere and held up a twenty dollar bill and asked who in the audience would like it, and everyone put up their hand and then he crumpled it in a ball and everyone still wanted it, and then he put it on the ground and stomped on it and ground it into the floor with his foot and everyone still put up their hands that they still wanted it, and the speaker said they all learned a lesson that day. no matter what he did to the twenty dollars, he couldn't reduce it's worth and it was still worth the same amount and that that's the way Heavenly Father feels about us. if we've been torn and beaten and dragged through the mud he still values us and wants us the same. a girl in relief society said that we were Heavenly Father's little girls. that put the father back in his name for me. it's so easy to forget the father part. the intimacy and warm feelable unabstract kind of love and relationship. lately i've just been loving the simple parts of the gospel. prayer, the scriptures, sacrament, hymns, service and church. simple beautiful goodness and the source for all goodness in my life.