today i work late and when i do work late, we'll be going to the PNE. yippee. perhaps i'll see tamara doing some of her stunts around the grounds. yesterday she was at super dogs. today is karey's birthday. i have to go buy her a cake. i offered to make one, but she specifically wanted a safeway white cake with white icing. "ok." i said. karey goes through some stress that she won't be made to feel special when her birthday time rolls around. ( i just sit back and wait for all the love to roll in, and it does. that makes me sound a little smug and superior, and i don't mean it that way. i just wish she had the same faith. she'd be a lot happier and all the love in her life would be more visible to her). anyways, it makes me feel the pressure when it's her birthday. i'm her best friend and i love her and i want her to feel special on her birthday. at the same time i'm trying to curb the extravagence with which i tend to approach gift giving. i'm trying to teach myself that a smaller more modest gift can still come from the heart. so when i started looking up hot air balloon rides, which are almost 200 dollars a person, i knew i had to real myself in. i have this wierd gift thing. it has to feel exactly right, but inspiration doesn't always come. so this year i am telling myself that it's ok to give a less inspired gift. so i found something that i'm not sure she'll like, but i hope she does. and it's just a gift, not an experience. and i buy it tomorrow when mr. pay cheque arrives in my account. it makes me feel a little anxzious though, but oh well. anxiety isn't the end of the world.

andrea and i are going to swan lake at the end of the month. national ballet of canada. tchaikovsky. dress circle. good times.