like apples and oranges. --very different but in the end they're both just fruit
sunday was mostly a good day. well i mean, it was beneficial for sure. it always is. it leaves me refreshed, renewed and uplifted, and i always need it by then as saturday's entry reveals.
the particularily good parts:
1.) the talks at church were exceptional. chandra spoke about peace and adversity and her talk was well rounded, well researched, with lots of different sources, and sincere emotion. i liked it. president burgess spoke too. he talked about the armour of God, but it was a comment about a way to use the atonement that i really needed. that was a big difference in my day and discouragement and lonliness. (i wrote lonely, and then i thought i don't really want to admit to that. i mean it's true, but it makes me seem so vulnerable and to be pitied. pity. yuck. then i thought about Morrie. he says that to detach from your feelings you don't fear them. you feel them fully and then you let go. you say, that was lonliness and now i'm going to move on. i like that idea. also, it's no shameful thing to feel lonely. it's a part of the human experience. and it's natural to feel lonely when you lose someone, or if you feel isolated from the close relationships in your life at some point. sometimes i do feel lonely. i'll admit it. i miss steve, and i miss fatima and my sisters and brothers, and gram and just times when things were closer. or if i just want to be understood and it seems like no one does. and this lonely feeling just comes to me sometimes when i have time to feel it. people are so often uncomfortable with emotions. wouldn't it be nice to be comfortable with the things you feel, not afraid of them, able to feel them, but not be ruled by them, comfortable to show them? well that's my big digression.)
2.) wes' baptizm was beautiful. he wept after he was baptized and jay hugged him, and then amelia cried when she sang "i know that my redeemer lives" with her sister.
3.) picked elicia up from the ferry and got to hear all about her big date. she's so happy and it makes me happy.
bad part i didn't like: karey and i got into a fight. i realized that maybe the reason we don't fight very much is because i don't say anything when i really should, and i also realized that it makes me unhappy, and only i can do something about that. so yesterday at church she was being kind of rude to me in front of other people, and that always makes me feel bad; embarrassed because if anyone should value me and support me in public it should be the people who love me right? and if they don't, how does that reflect how much they value me? so, i know that she probably doesn't realize that she is doing it, but the other people often do, and the looks on their faces makes me feel more ashamed. so anyways this isn't the first time i've felt this way, although it's not often. so before the baptizm she said something to me, and i told her i thought she was being rude to me, and i think it totally surprised her, and she didn't react very well. i had said it in a non-angry conversational tone. she said fine she wouldn't talk to me at all then and that bugged me, so i said if that's what it takes,in a cheery i don't care tone, which made her more angry. so she didn't talk to me all throughout the baptizm. later at home she still wasn't talking. i hate the silent treatment. ok, maybe some people need some time to calm down before they talk, but i also think it can be manipulative and a way to punish the other and stay mad. so i didn't want to do that, after i came upstairs excited after reading bethany's update, and told her that bethany updated she shrugged her shoulders and said a deadpan oh. well i know that she cares about bethany and would normally ask how she's doing and stuff. and that this is her way of telling me that she's upset. so i asked her if she was mad at me. i started out cool and calm. she said she was. she said i was rude when i said 'if that's what it takes'. it was here that i started to climb anger mountain myself. i pointed out how am i supposed to react to the immature statement of "i just won't talk to you then." i pointed out that i was getting the silent treatment and she said she didn't feel like talking. i said she was punishing me. which made her madder (ie. more mad) i calmed myself down a little and tried again and i asked her if i could have told her how i felt in a different way, because i realize that i there could be a better way to approach it for her.. let's just say she wasn't ready to discuss it in a nice way. which frustrated me. i didn't want to fight in the first place. i just wanted to honestly tell her the way i felt, and in my mind she would ask what made me feel that way and i could tell her and we could clear up misunderstandings if there were any, and respect each other. looking back i know that saying you are being... is a nice way to make someone defensive, which i didn't mean to do, but there you have it, i'm imperfect. people can be so complex. i wish that we could just talk to each other, even if communicating is difficult and tricky, but if both sides try, no matter how awkward and faulty, and knowing that that's the way it is, good things can only be the result. anyways i'm tired of not having boundries, or letting other people walk on them. the new thing i'm trying is to let people know, um hello you're standing on my boundry. in some respects i do this already but i need lots of work.
today was the anual general meeting of cmha, of which i'm a member. costs 5 dollah. we had to cater for it so we were making platters all afternoon. i personally did some of my best work on the fruit platters. they were stunning actually. you may not think that's a big deal, but then you didn't see them did you? i stayed for the meeting, heard my buddy lin's speech which was very good, voted for people on the board (a formality), ran the snack bar and helped clean up after. we didn't leave until 7:30.
my big fat greek wedding was on tv. i like how to him she is wonderful and beautiful. ya, like that.
the particularily good parts:
1.) the talks at church were exceptional. chandra spoke about peace and adversity and her talk was well rounded, well researched, with lots of different sources, and sincere emotion. i liked it. president burgess spoke too. he talked about the armour of God, but it was a comment about a way to use the atonement that i really needed. that was a big difference in my day and discouragement and lonliness. (i wrote lonely, and then i thought i don't really want to admit to that. i mean it's true, but it makes me seem so vulnerable and to be pitied. pity. yuck. then i thought about Morrie. he says that to detach from your feelings you don't fear them. you feel them fully and then you let go. you say, that was lonliness and now i'm going to move on. i like that idea. also, it's no shameful thing to feel lonely. it's a part of the human experience. and it's natural to feel lonely when you lose someone, or if you feel isolated from the close relationships in your life at some point. sometimes i do feel lonely. i'll admit it. i miss steve, and i miss fatima and my sisters and brothers, and gram and just times when things were closer. or if i just want to be understood and it seems like no one does. and this lonely feeling just comes to me sometimes when i have time to feel it. people are so often uncomfortable with emotions. wouldn't it be nice to be comfortable with the things you feel, not afraid of them, able to feel them, but not be ruled by them, comfortable to show them? well that's my big digression.)
2.) wes' baptizm was beautiful. he wept after he was baptized and jay hugged him, and then amelia cried when she sang "i know that my redeemer lives" with her sister.
3.) picked elicia up from the ferry and got to hear all about her big date. she's so happy and it makes me happy.
bad part i didn't like: karey and i got into a fight. i realized that maybe the reason we don't fight very much is because i don't say anything when i really should, and i also realized that it makes me unhappy, and only i can do something about that. so yesterday at church she was being kind of rude to me in front of other people, and that always makes me feel bad; embarrassed because if anyone should value me and support me in public it should be the people who love me right? and if they don't, how does that reflect how much they value me? so, i know that she probably doesn't realize that she is doing it, but the other people often do, and the looks on their faces makes me feel more ashamed. so anyways this isn't the first time i've felt this way, although it's not often. so before the baptizm she said something to me, and i told her i thought she was being rude to me, and i think it totally surprised her, and she didn't react very well. i had said it in a non-angry conversational tone. she said fine she wouldn't talk to me at all then and that bugged me, so i said if that's what it takes,in a cheery i don't care tone, which made her more angry. so she didn't talk to me all throughout the baptizm. later at home she still wasn't talking. i hate the silent treatment. ok, maybe some people need some time to calm down before they talk, but i also think it can be manipulative and a way to punish the other and stay mad. so i didn't want to do that, after i came upstairs excited after reading bethany's update, and told her that bethany updated she shrugged her shoulders and said a deadpan oh. well i know that she cares about bethany and would normally ask how she's doing and stuff. and that this is her way of telling me that she's upset. so i asked her if she was mad at me. i started out cool and calm. she said she was. she said i was rude when i said 'if that's what it takes'. it was here that i started to climb anger mountain myself. i pointed out how am i supposed to react to the immature statement of "i just won't talk to you then." i pointed out that i was getting the silent treatment and she said she didn't feel like talking. i said she was punishing me. which made her madder (ie. more mad) i calmed myself down a little and tried again and i asked her if i could have told her how i felt in a different way, because i realize that i there could be a better way to approach it for her.. let's just say she wasn't ready to discuss it in a nice way. which frustrated me. i didn't want to fight in the first place. i just wanted to honestly tell her the way i felt, and in my mind she would ask what made me feel that way and i could tell her and we could clear up misunderstandings if there were any, and respect each other. looking back i know that saying you are being... is a nice way to make someone defensive, which i didn't mean to do, but there you have it, i'm imperfect. people can be so complex. i wish that we could just talk to each other, even if communicating is difficult and tricky, but if both sides try, no matter how awkward and faulty, and knowing that that's the way it is, good things can only be the result. anyways i'm tired of not having boundries, or letting other people walk on them. the new thing i'm trying is to let people know, um hello you're standing on my boundry. in some respects i do this already but i need lots of work.
today was the anual general meeting of cmha, of which i'm a member. costs 5 dollah. we had to cater for it so we were making platters all afternoon. i personally did some of my best work on the fruit platters. they were stunning actually. you may not think that's a big deal, but then you didn't see them did you? i stayed for the meeting, heard my buddy lin's speech which was very good, voted for people on the board (a formality), ran the snack bar and helped clean up after. we didn't leave until 7:30.
my big fat greek wedding was on tv. i like how to him she is wonderful and beautiful. ya, like that.
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