appetites

two words that always come to me first in swedish: behärska and bekräfta. today during my lesson i so wanted to say beharska, that it almost came out. i stopped myself last minute. but i looked kind of like a babbling fool, trying to figure out what i wanted to say in english. but that was just a moment in time. my lesson was on living the word of wisdom. i struggled with it for sometime. i wanted it to be a spiritual lesson, not just people saying the same things they always say about it (me included). i studied it a lot and read it over and over and read some conference talks, and the lesson again and again, and some of the teaching no greater call book, and thought about it and prayed and thought about it and prayed and wrote stuff out and looked up cross references and so on and so forth. and bit by bit it came together. every tiny piece of inspiration was like an foot of ground gained on the front lines of battle. :) well it's kind of like that sometimes. i have to fight for it and struggle for it. i learn a lot that way. i always have this idea of how it will go when i'm planning, but it never really is like that, but it usually turns out to be something good anyways. i feel really lucky to be a teacher in relief society. it's the calling that i wanted. the other time i got the exact calling that i wanted was when i was in young women's. that's one of the best callings ever. i think i just really like teaching. i loved teaching on my mission too. and in japan. teaching. it's good.

i've been trying all day not to crack my knuckles and i just did it now before i could stop myself. funny that now that there's no steve in my life, who hated the knuckle cracking, that is when i decide to stop. my hands felt sore the other day, and i thought, what is the point really? it's all about self mastery. that was one of the themes of the lesson today too, not surprisingly. self-mastery is my life's big battle ground.

yesterday karey, randy and i enjoyed madagasgar in a theatre full and brimming with little kids and their parents. i think we were the only adults without kids. anyways, it was cute. i liked the lemur king with the indian accent.

after the movie i had a twenty minute nap. i woke up from the pounding of the basketball in the alley behind our house. some boys were using our hoop that's attached to the outside of our garage. i didn't mind. i was glad some kids were using it. they kept losing their ball in our yard though. sarita or i would throw it back. i caming running down to the back yard when sarita told me that some of my herbs had died. sure enough one lovely little english lavender and both the basils had shriveled up and died. i know basil doesn't like the cold, but why did the lavender have to die? why?? the other ones didn't.

later randy and pete came over and we played rook like we did in the olden days. it was allright. pete was pushing all my buttons, doing things he knows i hate, like leaving his stuff on my book case. especailly galling when it's a pop can... and he doesn't appologize. he says "spaz down clarke" or, "it'll be gone when i leave." oh it'll be gone allright buddy boy. i know karey wishes that we would just get along, but he seems to especially jerky on purpose to me, and i have to remember not to care.

selina came up to me after relief society and said "i liked your lesson." "thanks." i said. she looked up at me and said in her semi-shy way "i like your hair." "selina!" she always tells me she likes it on sundays. it was kind of little sister-ish

speaking of little sisters i need bethany's phone number and just one more sleep until sarah-lynn elizabeth arrives. we're going to have good times. can't wait. cannot wait.